In terms of household pets, Fat Kitty is a great one. Cuddly. Affectionate. Cute. Low-maintenance.

Usually.

It’s just that Fat Kitty has developed a rebellious streak in him. When some household pets get ticked at their owners, they become calamitous. Our neighbor’s dogs were famous for gnawing everything in their house–from pillars to couches. Call me crazy, but I’d have locked those bad boys up every time I left the house but they weren’t disciplined so their path of destruction continued.

As for Fat Kitty, he never jump ups where he’s not supposed to, nor does he destroy anything but instead uses poop as his weapon of choice. For years, he would occasionally overshoot his kitty litter box and I’d find his gift wrapped up in a nice towel on the floor in the laundry room. But it was never a regular thing.

Until recently.

With all the traveling we’ve been doing lately, Fat Kitty lives in a permanent state of Teenage Angst. It has come to the point that we actually sneak around to pack for a trip because we don’t want his guilt trip. He parks himself in the middle of our suitcases and his ticked-off stare bores into the very depths of our soul. When we leave, his back is always turned in mourning.

Here’s the tricky thing about Fat Kitty: He doesn’t unleash his true frustrations until we get back and then it continues for weeks. The poop, that is.  I’d estimate he goes in his kitty litter box about half the time these days and the other half? I can handle blankets or anything that cleans up easily. But when he pooped on Bode’s beloved sheep skin rug that does NOT clean easily, I was calling mayday.

So, I’m mad because he’s pooping everywhere. He’s doing it because we keep ditching him to travel and claims he won’t stop until we do.

This is what I call Fat Kitty Blackmail.

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