I have never been one to discuss my bathroom habits with anyone, nor do I get particularly enthusiastic about the subject.
Until I had The Hurricane and suddenly the motivation to get her out of diapers has turned me into a non-stop potty mouth. Initially, it was disconcerting to have my own audience for every grimace, wipe and flush I made but now I perform like a pro.
“Ohhhh, I just LOOOOVE going on the big-girl potty! Look how FUN this is!”
The flushing part is truly the climax of my performance and fills me with such joy each and every time. I mean, to see it swirl around and around in circles? What could be more rewarding?!
Perhaps I’m overdoing it but believe me, if you had to change one of The Hurricane’s diapers, you’d understand. She takes after Jamie’s side of the family and has what I call explosive loose-bowel syndrome: where every crappy diaper brings tears to my eyes from the mere stench, texture and volume. A friend recently watched Haddie and had the misfortune of changing one of these diapers. She later announced that I owed her an extra half hour of babysitting her daughter in exchange for the traumatic experience.
Until last week, Hadley has shown very little interest in using the potty. A couple of her friends have recently been trained, including her friend Adde who has an affinity towards pooping in the woods when we hike (a concept that fascinated Haddie and she has talked about it for weeks: “See Adde? Poop in woods? COOOOOOL!”)
But out of the blue last week, Hadley announced she wanted to use the potty. Of course, she’s done this before but nothing has happened besides some impressive grunts and the occasional fart. When she came out this time, she demanded a sucker (her reward) but after surveying her efforts, I told her she needed to actually go and not just try.
Determined, she went back in. A few minutes later, she announced she was done. Sure enough, there was a little strain of urine in the potty. Welp, given the party we threw, you’d think it was the freakin’ Mardi Gras (complete with the debauchery of one half-naked kid). She got her sucker, got her accolades and we called Jamie and Linda (his mom) with the good news.
Haddie then demanded to wear her “big-girl Dora panties.” I figured Jamie wouldn’t be home until late so this would be a good opportunity to do some training. I put her in them, loaded her up with beverages and told her she’d better not pee on Dora. She adamantly concurred that Dora would be “sad” if she peed on her face and I felt confident we had an understanding. And I couldn’t help but think “Holy crap, this is gonna be EASY.”
Until I went to give her a bath soon thereafter. Not only had she desecrated poor Dora but she then proceeded to crap in the tub, something she has only ever done one other time. One step forward, two steps waaaay back, right?
And so, I’m stumped if she’s really ready and kinda dreading the whole experience. Jamie’s mom told me a while ago about a woman she saw on “Good Morning America” who touted her book on potty training in a day. This has actually gave me my new strategy.
Me: “They seriously said it can be done in a day?”
Linda: “Yes, and it’s not that difficult to do if you think Haddie is ready.”
Me: “Well, I’ll tell you what. Since it’s not that tough and you’re watching her next Monday, why don’t you just take care of it?”
Brilliant, yes? “Potty Training By Grandma.” It’ll be my new best-selling book. Lemme know if you’d be interested in pre-ordering a copy today….
I'm a Canadian-born mom of two, former Denver Post columnist, family travel writer, editor of MileHighMamas.com and 9News contributor. Expert on all things Utah, Denver, family and travel. Lover of laughter and life. Happily married to a man obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin. 