I’ve been MIA lately due to my glorious cough-’til-you-puke condition and finally broke down and went to the doc. Sure enough, I have bronchitis and he sent me home with some wonnnnnderful drugs that make the kids sleep through the night. Or rather, make me sleep through the night. Same result in the end.

But onto Getting Back to Nature–

Following my little episode of Parents Gone Wild, Jamie and I scaled up the crimson cliffs that cowered over our grotto and passed out on a slab of sandstone. This was one of my favorite moments on our trip: lazing around together, snuggling and intertwined, just listening to silence.

We watched the colors of the sky shift, like pigment seeping into paper. Blackish blue to midnight blue to dark blue to ebony. We talked of all things meaningful and spiritual. The setting was almost womblike in its reverence as we watched constellations and satellites magically appear.

We then went back to the tent where I puked. Over and over again.

Fortunately, I spared the innards of our habitation and left my mark just outside the door. It was a cacophony of hacking and convulsions. Between each of them, Jamie complained: “You get sick on every trip.”

Cough. Bleh.
“Costa Rica.”
Cough. Bleh.
“Canada.”
Cough. Bleh.
“Vail.”
Cough cough. Bleh.
“Our cruise.”
Bleh bleh bleh.

He really could have worked on his timing. You know, for sympathy points.

Fortunately our trip was so much more than just my violent coughing bouts. We also spent many hours slithering through Devil’s Kitchen’s countless labyrinths, hanging out in Moab for an antique car show and indulging ourselves on our final night at a gorgeous adventure lodge with a private patio that backed out to the Colorado River.

One of my favorite stops after backpacking in Canyonlands is at the Needles Outpost. This little general store has some eccentric wares, along with hilarious grey-haired proprietors who have lived at this veritable hippie mecca for ages. It’s the kind of place I would not be one bit surprised if they grew certain contraband plants out back nor if they smoked them a minimum of well, daily.

My latest experience did not disappoint. As I was paying, the woman looked down at my flip flops.

“I looooove those!” she exclaimed.

“Oh, thanks. They’re actually Crocs.”

“Reallllllly. I so hate their other shoes. They’re sooooo ugly. But those are coooooool.”

“I agree. These are really comfortable, too.”

She gazed at me in awe, zipped around the counter, bent down to analyze them and reverently queried, “Can I touch them?”

The mere scent alone would have warded most people off. But this gal looked like she hadn’t showered in a month so I brazenly said, “Sure!” and proudly displayed my repugnant feet. She ooed and awed over my footwear.

I almost asked if she wanted my autograph but stopped myself. Just in case she would have actually taken me up on it….

A closing thought for all those tree huggers out there: Nothing says “Getting Back to Nature” like this lovely eyesore. I’m glad they included the arrow. Just in case you somehow missed it, of course.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

Wordless Wednesday

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

The prodigal daughter has returned from a perfect weekend in The Land of Milk and Honey. Well, almost perfect. This is me we’re talking about.

We were blessed to backpack one of the premier areas in the United States: Canyonlands National Park. We stumbled upon a little gem in their backcountry–Devil’s Kitchen–four years ago. I’m not sure what makes it so amazing. Maybe it’s the giant slabs of rosy sandstone that cover the area like a moonscape. Or maybe that the only way to access it is on foot or via Elephant Hill, a precipitous and death-defying 4X4 ascent where countless cars have committed suicide.

As we started up the trail, it was like stumbling into a familiar, wonderful dream. Until I awoke myself up. If you will recall, I had a little cold earlier in the week. A little cold that evolved into full-fledged bronchitis. Ever backpacked with bronchitis? I wouldn’t recommend it. At least not highly.

I really was doing pretty well as we wound through the ascent’s fiery matrix of erosion. The convoluted canyon’s steep and embayed cliffs dwarfed us at every turn. This dramatic sweep of sandstone was punctuated by dizzying rock pinnacles that caused us to frequently pause for inspiration and wonder if this had to be heaven.

Until the fumes began.

I stopped, looked but found nothing. A few minutes later, I ascertained it was following us. Or rather, following Hunky Hubby. Turns out the sugar-free Twizzlers we munched on the drive have a little side effect they call “gastric discomfort.” Ever hiked for several hours behind a skunk? I wouldn’t recommend it. At least not highly. Especially when you, too become doubled over with the same condition. I think I’ll just spring for the sugar next time.

When we finally arrived at Devil’s Kitchen, we quickly setup camp before darkness won out. We were pleased to discover there was only one other campsite (out of the four) that was inhabited over the widespread area. This was isolation at its best.

Or so we thought.

As the sun went down, temperatures grew brisk and my sweaty clothes felt like an enclosed icebox around me. As I went to change into something warmer, I decided to liven things up with our own special edition of Parents Gone Wild and do a little striptease in our secluded grotto.

I got as far as taking my shirt off when Jamie, staring behind me at the fractured road, evenly said, “Amber, there’s a man over there.”

Yeah, right. That Hunky Hubby is always trying to freak me out.

But then I heard someone from the road shout “Hello!”

Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever been caught mid-striptease and think you know how you would react. Fortunately, I did not whip around in shock. Jamie said I froze, eventually grabbed a pile of clothes and enclosed them around my chest like an ill-fitting glove. And then freaked out.

I expect my little performance will be coming to a YouTube near you sometime soon.

In Getting Back to Nature Part II, journey with us to a mystical cliff beneath the stars, in a tent with puke and to a celebrity-like encounter where I am the celebrity….

Canyonlands Moab

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

My good friend Tina recently announced to me that her husband Mark dropped a bombshell on her. Inwardly, I panicked. Just what kind of bombshell? Death? Terminal illness? Job loss?

“He says we’re not taking any more vacations without the kids.”

The granddaddy of all bombshells.

I am pleased to announce that Jamie and I are running for shelter from our little stink bombs early Friday morning. We are going backpacking in one of my favorite destinations from my travel writing daze: Moab, Utah. This glorious long weekend for two will include sleeping on the hard ground, hauling 40 pounds on our back and hocking up a lung on the trail. Because I, of course, am not completely cured of my latest ailment.

And because that is our idea of fun….

Photo attribution: NCS

Travel Moab Backpacking Mom Blog

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

For a classic Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck post, I am also over at Crazy Hip Blog Mamas today.

In a shocking turn of events, PamperingBeki and Melissa have simultaneously awarded me with a Thinking Blog Award. Yes, that would be two people who think I…welp…think.

Hunky Hubby summarized it best when I told him and he observed, “A thinker? Since when?”

And he is allegedly my biggest fan.

And so now it is my turn to tag five other blogs that have made me think (which as we’ve already seen is no small task).

1) Celebrating a Life. Damselfly recently started this little inspirational gem.

2) For What It’s Worth. Has recently traveled a long, hard road and is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

3) Hot Fruita Mom. From rivoting American idol commentary to “Good Mail” to Bollywood and beyond…

4) Sharp Mama. Sarcastic Canuck raising a family in Thailand.

5) The Smiling Infidel/ElasticWaistBandLady. Best commenter ever. If her name doesn’t make you think, I don’t know what will….

P.S. Yep, I closed comments this time so stop emailing me that my post is broken. Sometimes I just like to live dangerously like this. So go and check out all the fun links I included!

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

I have reacted differently to the massacre at Virginia Tech than I have over other senseless tragedies. With Columbine, I was enraged at the perpetrators and mourned for the victims.

This time however, my point of view has changed. Instead of focusing the entirety of my attentions upon those people who lost their lives, I have also grieved for those who remained. Not only the families of the victims but for the family of the shooter. Theirs is the biggest burden to bear: an innocent family described as kind and quiet who tried to get help for their troubled son but who will be ostracized and left to live with society’s rage.

A recent talk by James E. Faust changed my perspective. He spoke of the Amish and how last October, a 32-year-old milk truck driver suddenly lost all reason and control. In his tormented mind he blamed God for the death of his first child and some unsubstantiated memories. He stormed into the Amish school without any provocation, released the boys and adults, and tied up the 10 girls. He shot the girls, killing five and wounding five. Then he took his own life.

This shocking violence caused great anguish among the Amish but no anger. There was hurt but no hate. Their forgiveness was immediate. Collectively they began to reach out to the milkman’s suffering family. As the milkman’s family gathered in his home the day after the shootings, an Amish neighbor came over, wrapped his arms around the father of the dead gunman, and said, “We will forgive you.”

Amish leaders visited the milkman’s wife and children to extend their sympathy, their forgiveness, their help, and their love. About half of the mourners at the milkman’s funeral were Amish. In turn, the Amish invited the milkman’s family to attend the funeral services of the girls who had been killed. A remarkable peace settled on the Amish as their faith sustained them during this crisis.

Hearing of this tragedy, many people sent money to the Amish to pay for the health care of the five surviving girls and for the burial expenses of the five who were killed. As a further demonstration of their discipleship, the Amish decided to share some of the money with the widow of the milkman and her three children because they too were victims of this terrible tragedy.

One local resident very eloquently summed up the aftermath of this tragedy when he said, “We were all speaking the same language, and not just English, but a language of caring, a language of community, [and] a language of service. And, yes, a language of forgiveness.”

So let it be done….

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

1. I was born at the stroke of midnight in beautiful Calgary, Canada.

Neighboring Moraine Lake

2. I was a fussy baby; my mother says the only reason I’m still alive is because my grandma saved me.

3. I still remember the marathon tantrums I threw as a child.

4. I loved to camp with my family. I have fond memories of panic attacks as we listened to the bears rummage through the garbage bins outside our camper.

5. I had a happy childhood but remember my parents fighting a lot.

6. I had many great friends in my neighborhood growing up, all of whom I remain in contact.

7. Most of their parents are divorced.

8. My parents are still together and live in the house I grew up in.

9. I have never broken a bone in my body. I received stitches in my ear when I was 6 after Peter Jamison ripped my butterfly earring out. I didn’t tell my parents about it for a while because I liked grossing all my friends out.

10. I am sandwiched between two brothers; we are four and five years apart. We were never overly close growing up.

11. All three of us were educated in the U.S. and married Americans.

12. I was raised LDS (Mormon) but never really gained a personal testimony of the faith until college.

13. I only have two cousins, one on each side. I haven’t seen either of them in years.

14. My dad’s parents were poor immigrant farmers from the Ukraine. They lived in Manitoba so I rarely saw them.

15. My mother comes from a line of wealthy farmers/land owners. For years, there have been ridiculous disputes over the family money.

16. I spent many wonderful weekends and holidays on my grandparent’s farm (mom’s side) in Raymond, Alberta.

17. To this day, I still hate the smell of farms.

18. One of my favorite memories is sneaking quarters out of my dad’s change drawer and buying chocolate bars from the nearby golf course.

19. I started my awkward stage as a tween. I hope to grow out of it next year.

20. I was a regional champ in long jump and placed second at city’s. I also raced in the 400 meters but hated it and hid in the stands when my race was called.

21. I worked as a waitress from the time I was 13 at my mom’s English tea room and gift shop. I blew ludicrous amounts of money on clothes.

22. I won best all-around athlete and scholar in sixth grade. I was madly in love with my teacher, Mr. Monroe. To this day, Lionel Ritchie’s song, “Hello” reminds me of him.

23. I had a crush on my community basketball coach, Steve Christmas. He once drove me home from a game and joked I was fogging up the windows. I didn’t breathe the rest of the way home.

24. In junior high, I won Athlete of the Year. I was madly in love with my gym teacher, Mr. Banks.

25. I went to volleyball camp every summer for four years. I always had crushes on my coaches (sensing a pattern here?)

26. In high school, I was recognized in the Calgary Herald’s Sports Hall of Fame. I looked stoned in my picture that appeared in the paper.

27. My dad and I were outdoor buddies growing up. Some of my best memories are when we went roller-blading, ice skating, biking, hiking, and cross-country and alpine skiing together.

28. I first learned to swear as a child when he’d ditch me on the ski slopes. This created a resolve and determination to always keep up.

29. I played the piano in Canada’s Royal Conservatory of Music for eight years. I quit right before I would have been able to teach or actually do something with it.

30. I dreamed of playing college soccer but had to quit when I blew out my ankle at tryouts for Alberta’s Provincial Team when I was 15.

31. I spent the next few years biking hundreds of miles on Calgary’s extensive network of bike paths.

32. I slacked off all through high school. My parents never asked to see one report card because I had previously excelled academically.

33. Two of my favorite high school memories are when the Olympics came to Calgary and when the Calgary Flames won the Stanley Cup.

34. Despite being outgoing and social, I was shy around guys in high school.

35. As a teen-ager, I was obsessed with buying a Cabriolet Convertible.

36. My car in high school was a Mercury Lynx named Burt, whose theme song was “Doing the Locomotion.”

37. Burt died the week before my sophomore year of college. My parents bought me a Honda Civic and I had two days to learn how to drive a stick. It is the only time I have ever seen my dad lose his patience.

38. My parents gave me an enormous amount of freedom and always trusted me. I never had a curfew.

39. I once hit a car in the school’s parking lot and bolted. I was busted at dinner later that day by my brother, who said his friend witnessed the whole thing.

40. I worked as a movie extra the summer of my junior year and had my first real kiss from a fellow extra. He turned out to be a creep.

41. I got kicked out of math my senior year for cutting too many classes and had to go to summer school before I started college.

42. I never drank, smoked or did drugs in high school and was always the designated driver for all my friends. Sick of it, I quit going to parties my senior year.

43. My first semester of college, I backpacked across the western United States on a life-changing course called The Natural Field Expedition.

44. Some of the friends I made then still remain my closest today.

Cruising Jackson Hole with Expedition Friend Jason

45. I love entertaining and throwing parties but am uncomfortable when people throw parties for me.

46. I almost married my college freshman boyfriend. We were together a total of five years.

47. I served an 18-month LDS mission to Switzerland and France in 1993-4. I still love the people and culture to this day.

48. I was elected Executive Director of Public Relations for BYU’s student government my junior year. It was my favorite year of college.

49. My car was hit and run over by a semi on the interstate in March 2006. We should have been killed but it became one my most powerful witnesses of God’s protective power.

50. My worst date ever was when my almost-boyfriend took me to see a film for his biology class–Conception and Fetal Development: A Nine-Month Journey. On Valentine’s Day.

51. I did a study abroad to Jerusalem my final semester. We lived in Israel, Egypt and Jordan.
I remain fascinated with Ancient Scripture and the Middle East.

52. I dreamed of becoming a war correspondent and applied as an intern for CNN’s Jerusalem bureau. They didn’t accept interns in war-torn countries Go figure.

53. I was offered an internship in broadcast journalism for CNN’s Crossfire in D.C. and as a publicist for SkiUtah. I chose to pursue PR.

54. I changed jobs every year during my career. Most of my positions were in Utah’s outdoor/adventure-travel industry.

55. I worked in every forum of communication: TV, radio and print journalism.

56. I was career-obsessed during my 20s because I was afraid of settling down and having kids.
57. I dated a lot and dragged out many relationships, using them as a security blanket.

58. I hiked or ran every trail along Utah’s Wasatch Front. I usually did it solo before or after work.

59. I love popping zits.

60. I traveled extensively during my career; Waterton, Alberta (a gorgeous mountain resort) is still my favorite destination.

Waterton

61. My list of future travels includes Alaska, Nepal, Patagonia and I would love to backpack The West Coast Trail in British Columbia. I have always loathed Las Vegas.

62. I am a perfect mix of my parents. I have my mom’s outgoing personality but also enjoy spending time by myself in the outdoors like my dad.

63. I got married when I was 30, considered old-maid status in the LDS church.

64. My mom lamented for years that I would never get married.

65. I met my husband, Jamie, on the Internet and knew from the start he was The One.

66. He proposed to me before we even met. The same week my ex-boyfriend also proposed to me.

67. Jamie and I were married in Denver’s LDS temple six months from the time we first started writing.

68. My wedding day was the best day of my life.

69. We both remained abstinent until our wedding night.

70. We went on our honeymoon to Costa Rica.

71. Jamie hit a bus with our rental car, his first accident ever.

72. Jamie is the sweetest, funniest, most wise and worthy man I have ever known.

73. Despite many good friends and acquaintances, I am remiss I don’t have any super close female confidents since I moved to Colorado.

74. We lived with Jamie’s parents for six months while I was pregnant with Hadley, waiting for our house to be built.

75. I am very close to my in-laws and am grateful they live only a few minutes away.

76. Being a mom has been a roller-coaster of the best and worst days I’ve ever had.

77. I wouldn’t trade my new role for the world.

78. The main thing that has kept me sane as a mom has been my mom’s hiking group. I have regularly hit the trail with Haddie and Bode since they were six weeks old.

79. Sometimes, I still find it hard to believe I’m a mom.

80. The toughest thing about motherhood for me is ensuring I stay busy. I am not a homebody and despise being stuck in the house.

81. My favorite treat is cookie dough. I’d much rather eat the dough than the cooked product.

82. I have a Kleenex box in every room and blow my nose an average of 50 times a day.

83. My water broke with Hadley while blowing my nose at Einsteins’ Bagels.

84. I am still utterly grossed out with every poopy diaper I change.

85. Despite having a crafty, domestic goddess mother, I cannot even thread a sewing machine.

86. The only thing I would change about Jamie is his crappy health. In the past 10 years, he has had cancer, heart problems, knee surgery and a hernia (to name a few). His latest ailment is palydromic rheumatism.

87. I have always been healthy. Except for my overactive snot reserves.

88. My favorite television programs are Lost, The Office, and The Amazing Race. I have never watched a full episode of American Idol.

89. I would like to only have two children but know we’re supposed to have three.

90. My biggest pet peeves: snooty, flakey and critical people.

91. I hate talking on the phone. I always have. So if you do call, don’t be offended when I don’t call back. Use email.

92. My biggest turn-on is watching how great Jamie is with Hadley and Bode. Oh, and having my hair massaged.

93. The only thing I truly miss about my career is writing. Blogging has helped fill that void.

94. If I had loads of money, I would still stay home with my children but would hire a nanny to help me.

95. I have a secret dream of coming into a lot of money so Jamie and I could start up our own foundations and travel the world with our family.

96. I would like to become more involved in community programs that help homeless families with new babies. It is heartbreaking for me to think about so many children being born into the world without their basic needs being met.

97. My favorite way to spend the day is hiking in the mountains with my family.

98. My favorite way to spend the night is during Family Snuggles when we read, laugh, say prayers and put Haddie and Bode to bed. Jamie and I then stay up talking about our day or watching TV.

99. I love my family and consider myself blessed to have them.

100. I never thought I’d come up with 100 items about my life!

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

Last Friday, I had two showers: one I threw, one I attended. As some of you know, I’m not a fan of them. Cases in point:

My bridal shower: I was forced to have one.

Baby shower for Haddie: Outright refused.

Baby shower for Bode: Relented under the assumption of no cheesiness; was later tricked into another one. I think they called it a surprise party.

The one I threw was for my friend, Suzy, a member of our hiking playgroup. The weather was frigid and I worried about keeping such a large number of toddlers occupied inside. My fears were unfounded.

Because where there are no outdoor escapades, there is always indoor nakedness.

Within a few minutes, the majority of them were either buck naked or attired in Haddie’s dress-up clothes and her treasured collection of Dora big-girl panties. I could hear her sternly lecturing her fellow potty-training buddies: “NO ACCIDENTS!”

Coming from the Queen Bee of Hypocrisy herself.

Tina and I presented the diaper cake we made. That same diaper cake which caused our negligence and resulted in our children’s public nudity. Sensing a pattern here?

While the kids stealthily left puddles all over the house, the adult-folk were also sufficiently entertained with my memorable shower game: diaper diuretics. I melted several different candy bars, smeared them on various diapers and forced my dear friends to guess the flavor. Because we don’t endure enough of that each and every day.

Oh, and because I’m classy like that.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Mom’s Blog

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog