When it is:

Prior to bedtime, Jamie was recently humoring Haddie with horsey rides. When the dear man looked like he was about to collapse, I jumped in and defended him.

“Daddy can’t do it any longer.”
“Why not?”
“He is 37 and old.”
“How old are you?”
“I’m still young. I am 35.” (BWAHAHAHAHA)
“Well, can you do it then, Mommy?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because Mommy is just lazy.”

When it is not:

Potty training continues to be a challenge. Even though the Hurricane pees most of the time in the potty, she refuses to poop. Jamie and I made the executive decision to just put her in panties because keeping her in diapers seemed like a step backwards (any opinions on this? Help!)

Oh, and because we don’t have enough trauma in our lives and thought we would add cleaning defecated underwear to the mix.

She had a couple of accidents last weekend, which she discreetly shared with Jamie. The pattern continued the other night when I heard her pleading to him, “Don’t tell Mommy!”

Now, most mothers would have felt remiss they were left out.

I felt triumphant.

A secret poop that I would not have to change? I had finally arrived.

Until he did the unthinkable: he made her fess up to me. And my daddy-only dumps came to a sad, sad end.

Clearly, a time when honesty is not the best policy.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

My daughter Hadley is officially a Sunbeam. For those not in Mormon circles, this is the first class children enter in Primary (the children’s organization). It is a fun rite-of-passage to finally be with all the big kids and there was even a song written for them: “Jesus wants me for a sunBEAM.” Each time the kids repeat “BEAM” they obnoxiously pop out of their chairs. I am not sure who instigated the actions behind it.

Evidently the same person who invented the hot potato game.

Jamie stayed home with sick Bode last Sunday so it was just Hadley and I driving to church. I figured it would be appropriate to have a heartfelt mommy-daughter talk about Sunbeams and the theme in Primary this year: I am a Child of God.

I would like to say my intentions were to enrich her spiritually, which would be partly true. But mostly, I just wanted her to be a Sunbeam child prodigy and know all the answers her first day of class.

Because I am competitive like that.

I started with the pre-mortal existence and explained that we believe we lived in a pre-existent state before we came to earth. From there, we talked about coming to earth, gaining a body and our families.

I should have just stopped there. But making her a Sunbeam child prodigy just kept gnawing away at me so I decided to go for the whole gambit: what we refer to as The Plan of Salvation. This essentially covers where we came from, why we are here and where we are going. Because doesn’t every three year old need to know this?

And so we talked about death and heaven. Initially, she was intrigued and asked how people die. I expounded a bit and patted myself on the back that she was actually taking it all in.

Until the time came to get out of the car when she became unglued.

“I don’t want to goooooooooooo!”
“What? Why not? You’re going to be a Sunbeam today!”
“But I don’t want to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Not quite how I had envisioned our mommy-daughter bonding session.

Topic of our next discussion: Keep the commandments. Or else.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

Jamie and I recently watched the YouTube performance of Paul Potts that was featured on Oprah. If you have never seen it, watch. This may be the one and only time I ever post anything from YouTube again.

His story brings tears to my eyes as this frumpy, awkward, shy man is transformed the moment he opened his mouth into a frumpy, awkward, shy man who could sing.

Brilliantly.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

Thanks for all your well wishes regarding sick Bode! Jamie found the remote last night so the great gods of Nick Jr. have taken over my Barney hellathon. I will take Dora and Diego any day. Plus, I am rapidly becoming bilingual and can call Haddie on all those words she makes up that she professes are Spanish.

Being unshowered and having a disaster-for-a-home have their advantages. My friend Lisa dropped Haddie off from preschool today. She took one look at me, the house and Bode (OK, so that would be three looks) and said she was taking Haddie for the afternoon. It pays to look like a Crazy Canuck Calamity. This, after I ruined her vacation.

And finally, I was on the Your Kids segment for KOA (one of Denver’s top radio stations) this morning. Robbyn Hart, one of Jamie’s favorite morning news anchors, interviewed me for Mile High Mamas yesterday. You know, the Barney hellathon day. If you want to listen to the podfest and hear what I sound like frazzled and furiously rocking Bode with “I love you, you love me” in the background, click here.

Oh, and please excuse my reference to potty training hell.

Evidently, I say hell. A lot.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

Bode is the sickest he has ever been. All he has done for two days is snuggle in my arms, whine and cry.

I haven’t cooked.

I haven’t showered.

I haven’t cleaned.

I haven’t slept.

Not that this is any different from my regular routine.

The only thing he wants to do is watch television. Though draining, I have suffered through it but today was the new low: we lost the remote. And so I have been subjected to the lone video that brings him any solace – Barney.

Yes, my friends. I have been in purple dinosaur, sick baby hell.

Pray for my salvation.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

Reason #5,305 why you would want to be my friend

My friend Lisa has been in Disneyland with her family for the holidays. She was supposed to arrive home Tuesday night so I called her early the next morning to see if we were going to workout together during our daughters’ dance class.

“Hello?” she croaked.
“You’re not awake, are you? I take it you’re not coming today?”
“We’re still in California. Today is our last day of vacation.”
“Ohhhhh no. And I just woke up the whole family, didn’t I?”
“Yep.”

You’re welcome, Lisa.

P.S. Oh, I meant to say why you would not want to be my friend.

Reason #4,620 why you would not want this irrational man as your father

“Hadley, so help me if you break that I am taking money out of your piggy bank to replace it.”

“Jamie, she doesn’t have a piggy bank.”

“Well, I’ll get her one AND THEN I’LL TAKE IT OUT!!!!!”

Reason #245,020 I am THE BEST wife ever

The following is what to say to your husband when he arrives home late after a long day at work and you have eaten all but a small slice of his dinner:

“Welcome home, honey! Remember that story of Jesus and the loaves and the fishes?….”

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

This holiday has been an anomaly for us. I can’t remember the last time Jamie took the week off work and we actually stayed home. It was probably back when we were pregnant with Haddie and living with Jamie’s parents while our house was being built.

Over Christmas, they went to Utah for a week. Relishing in our solitude, we dragged the futon upstairs and proceeded to watch back-to-back episodes of The Lord of the Rings (a series I had hitherto despised). We viewed about 20 hours of it, including allll the supplementary materials.

We sure knew how to party.

And still do, evidently. After all the Christmas parties were over, the presents opened and the food devoured, we painted. Oh, lo did we paint.

Our bedroom is mostly finished and completely devoid of any toys or messes. Now, all we have to do is clean up the hall.

My Husband: Jesus Junior

The days leading up to Christmas were so chaotic that by Christmas Eve, we were positively wiped. When I queried Jamie about our plan for the next day, he said he wanted to just lie around.

I poked fun at him, asking if that is what Jesus would do. Jamie’s response? “That’s all Jesus did do on that first Christmas: sleep and eat. We should all follow his fine example.”

And evidently Jamie’s as well.

Girl’s Night In

I boycotted Girl’s Night In with Jamie’s mom and sisters. I would have been in great company but my reasoning was three-fold:

1) I wasn’t feeling well.

2) Their choice of entertainment. They planned to watch TLC’s marathon of What Not to Wear. I liken viewing any such show to the very worst form of Chinese torture, only it is executed by stylish gay men or self-righteous women.

3) I was vehemently compelled to boycott on behalf of people everywhere who choose What Not to Wear every day of their life. Anyone with me on this? Stand tall, be proud! Someday, sweatpants will rule the world!

Join me next time on the slippery slope of of, well, the slopes and the joys of family photos.

P.S. How was YOUR Christmas?

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

This year, we will be celebrating a Colorado Christmas! It is a bit of a relief to just BE, especially after the calamities of last year’s Canadian commute (which included a huge blizzard that crippled Denver for a few days and almost made Jamie miss Christmas with us).

However, I will be homesick for The Motherland. A few years ago, I compiled this Top 10 List of Favorite Things about Christmas in Canada.

10. The Left-Right Game on Christmas Eve. A time when it is confirmed we would never win any I.Q. contests as we struggle to tell the difference between our left and right hand.
9. Tobogganing and giving ourselves icy en*mas as we shoot down the steep gully near our house. Followed by hot chocolate in front of a REAL wood-burning fireplace.
8. The year my brother Patrick and I snuck out to open our Grease 8-track
and played it 100X before anyone even got out of bed. Oh, and the nifty shag carpet and lime-green wallpaper in all our pictures.
7. Cross-country skiing in sub-zero temperatures on the golf course across the street. Nothing like snorting frozen nose hairs for the holidays.
6. Playing the bells on Christmas Eve. A confirmation that not only are we
not musically inclined but we somehow seem to get worse every year.
5. Conservative and shy Dad performing the Polish 12 Days of Christmas.
Hilarious even if you’re not numbered among the chosen Pollacks of this
world.
4. Ice skating for miles along the “Bow Liver” (as mispronounced by Dad’s
good Chinese friend).
3. Spending THE ONLY two Christmases with your honey in Canada praying to the porcelain gods as you vehemently puke up Mom’s cooking that you had craved all year. Thanks, Norwalk Virus.
2. Playing the piano for Dad as we sing carols and belt out all 18 verses
of Good King Wenceslas. It’s as if tone-deaf meets off-key for the first time, and what a delightful duet it is. I still can’t figure out why no one else wants to join in.
1. Christmas Eve’s gift exchange game. A brutal competition as we all fight over the coolest farting book of the year. If you think that’s bad, I won’t even mention the lowest of lows when “Bum Darts” somehow made it into the schedule of events one year….

On a more serious note, in keeping with tradition here is a link to my best “Christmas” ever – spent in Shepherd’s Fields. It is a reminder of what all this celebrating is about.

Jamie has the week off and his entire family is in town so posting will be patchy until after the holidays.

Merry Christmas to you all. And I can’t wait to read about your holidays!!!!

XOXOXOXOX

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

We are thrilled to announce that Mile High Mamas is one of three finalists in the coveted Digital Edge Awards.

Founded in 1996, the Digital Edge Awards (also known as “The Edgies”) recognize the most innovative and cutting-edge news, advertising and interactive Web sites each year. Put on by the Newspaper Association of America’s New Media Federation, entries vie for the winner’s circle in nine categories.

Our nomination fell under the Most Innovative Visitor Participation category (circ. more than 250,000).

Next year?

We are vying for the Hottest Mommy Bloggers category.

Think we stand a chance?

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

Like say your husband’s main gift?

Yeah, me too.

Sucks, doesn’t it?

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog