Living with a paranoid pumpkin freak

January 29, 2013 By

Me: Sitting at my computer in my office.

Jamie: Tears into my room, races over to the blinds and suspiciously looks outside.

Me: “What are you doing?”

Jamie: “GOOGLE IS WATCHING!”

Me: “What are you talking about?!”

Jamie: “GOOGLE IS TRACKING MY PUMPKIN’S EVERY MOVE.”

Me: “You no longer have a pumpkin. Growing season is over.”

Jamie: “AND YOU CAN SEE MY PUMPKIN FROM OUTER SPACE!!”

Me: “You are crazy.”

Jamie: “I’m wearing aluminum foil on my head right now so they can’t hear my thoughts.”

Think the Pumpkin Man is finally out of his gourd? Read about it here.

 

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

Winter Break: Oh, How Sweet It Was

January 6, 2013 By

I’ll be honest: I love that my kids are almost back in school and I will have several hours to work and play. But when they are home for an extended amount of time, I’m reminded just how much I love being with them without the pressure-cooker of school, activities and homework. I was worried we would get stir-crazy but we had the perfect mix of fun, excitement and R&R. Haddie goes back to school Tuesday, Bode on Wednesday and then it’ll just be Jamie, Fat Kitty and me.

Here’s a quick pictorial summary of our happenings!

Class Party

Our winter break started with Bode’s holiday party at school. I brought my family’s traditional bells and those first graders were about as cute as can be playing Jingle Bells.

And yes, that is Hadley who invited herself along as my very helpful “assistant.”

Everywhere he goes, Bode makes a new best friend and this entire school year, he has been raving about his buddy, Brody. When I was busy helping kids at the party, I heard Bode say, “Excuse me, Mommy.” I turned around and, grinning ear-to-ear, there were two BFFs standing together. As polite as could be, Bode  said, “Mommy, I would like to introduce you to my friend Brody.”

“I’m very pleased to meet you, Mrs. Johnson.” And then, because the formality was about killing me, I give him a fist bump as greeting.

Great Eats

To celebrate the kick-off to winter break, we went to see the Hobbit at Harkins Theaters in Stapleton and also hit one of our favorite restaurants, Zengo, which is now offering bottomless brunch on Saturday and Sunday (hail any restaurant that offers Saturday brunch!)

It would appear Bode LOVED their churros with Mexican hot chocolate dipping sauce (as did we all).

What would you think of a restaurant that only survived gourmet, healthy food? On New Year’s Day, we ate at Cherry Creek’s new True Food Kitchen.  Based on Dr. Andrew Weil’s anti-inflammatory diet, this restaurant paired popular trends in cuisine with healthy living. Even the kid’s menu was delicious and I’ll be doing a full review on it all later. Bottom line if you live in Denver: GO.

Christmas Treats

One of my favorite things to do at Christmas is to bake delicious treats for our neighbors and friends. This year’s line-up was caramel corn, almond rocha, sugar-and-spice cookies, snowball cookies, cream cheese cutout cookies, shortbread, coconut penuche and caramel toffee squares. Hence the reason our kitchen looked like this.
And then, of course, we went skiing at Loveland on December 24, had our huge Christmas Eve fete  and a fun Christmas Day.

Evergreen

To burn off a few calories, we went skating at Evergreen Lake (one of my favorite winter activities in Colorado) with our besties Nolan and Rowan. And then we added the calories back on when we stopped at our favorite breakfast place in Colorado: Country Road Cafe in Kittredge. Don’t believe me? Take a gander at that basketball-sized pancake stuffed with raspberries. I took a risk from my favorites and tried something new: their Timber Ridge Tamale Benedict, which was two pork tamales topped with two eggs, pepper jack cheese, pico de gallo, sourcream, red chile cream, avocado and cilantro mojo drizzle.
It was a risk worth taking.

New Year’s

Remember when I graciously planned a New Year’s Eve bash at my friend Lisa’s house without telling her? It turned out splendidly! Haddie made beignets….And we all miraculously made it until midnight to ring in the New Year (I was the person in question). One of the highlights was winning the Newlywed Game because many of our answers resolved around the pumpkin. I.e. “Name something your husband has too much of.” Pumpkins. “What is something that annoys you about your husband?” Pumpkins.

We even almost nailed the question, “What cartoon character does your husband most resemble?” The other couples were waaaaay off-base, such as Phil’s answer “The Incredible Hulk.” His wife’s? “Homer Simpson.” For Jamie, I immediately thought of It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, so wrote down Charlie Brown. Jamie’s answer: Linus.

Me: “Linus. Why did you choose Linus?”

Him: “Because it was Linus who believed.”

Following the game, one of my friends joked, “I had no idea your lives revolved so much around pumpkins.

They obviously do not read this blog.

Harlem Globetrotters

One of Jamie’s bucket-list items has been to see the Harlem Globetrotters so we were thrilled to score tickets. I knew they were funny but I did not anticipate two hours of non-stop, interactive, gut-busting hilarity. Bottom line: We loved them! When I asked Jamie about his favorite part, he immediately said, “Watching Bode.”He nailed it. Though we all loved the game, Bode was out-of-his-gourd excited for everything. The above picture on the right is when he grabbed Haddie to rush the court to do the YMCA, one of only countless fun moments that evening.

Sweet, Sweet Skiing

I have lived in Colorado for 10 years and there are still several major resorts I have yet to ski including Copper Mountain, Steamboat and Winter Park. Last weekend, we spent a few days at the latter. Stay tuned for all the fun details of our Winter Park vacation.

Just let it be known you may not hear from me for a while. After such a fabulous Winter Break, reentry into the real world is going to be bumpy.

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Colorado, Family, holidays, Humor, pumpkins, skiing

The Pumpkin Murderer

November 14, 2012 By

The pumpkin season ain’t over until the Fat Lady sings. Or rather, The Pumpkin Man takes a shovel to dismantle The Great Pumpkin.

We usually destroy it shortly after Halloween but Jamie has had some health problems lately and hasn’t been up to the task. And really, there was no rush. Usually the pumpkin is oozing down the driveway rotting out because he cuts it off the vine late-September. But Christine the Pumpkin held together marvelously well and only started decomposing this week. It was time.

That’s a nice way of saying the wife was going to start nagging him very soon.We invited Jamie’s brother over and first fattened him up with Chicken Tikka Masala  (think cannibalistic witch strategy in Hansel and Gretel). He and Jamie then annihilated the pumpkin, loaded it in his truck and hauled it over to the pumpkin patch to compost. Allegedly. For all I know they could have made it into a delicious, rotting 837-pound pumpkin pie.

Just so long as there weren’t any children inside.

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

Berry Patch Farms: A Glimpse of the Simple Life

November 13, 2012 By

A couple of weeks ago I had the chance to accompany Haddie’s class on yet another field trip…this time to the Berry Patch Farms in Brighton. I’m convinced I’m the only person in Colorado who had yet to visit this 40-acre working farm.

Popular in the summer months for its abundance of pick-it-yourself currants, raspberries and strawberries, their certified organic farm’s market is infamous for their abundance of just-picked produce. They also sell their own honey and eggs as well as grass-fed beef and naturally-raised chicken from the neighbors. Their fresh fruit pies are allegedly drool-worthy.

We were one of the final school groups to come through because they’ll only be open on Saturdays through the winter. Now that the growing season is over, I wondered what on earth we would do there.

Turns out, there was plenty. We learned about honey-making and toured the hives. We made gourd necklaces. We went on a hay ride and played in the hay maze.

I shared the story of my childhood when I was at my Grandpa Wilde’s farm playing on the two-story high stack of hay bales. As we raced around, I stepped on what appeared to be an overlay of hay between bales but it was only a false shelf. I shot straight down a chute, trapped between those claustrophobic bales of hay.

I remember my brothers screaming I had fallen and my mother running around like a lunatic trying to find me, only to discover I was deeply submerged IN the heart of them.
Hadley and her friends were properly horrified.

And just when I thought pumpkin season was over, we gathered in a barn and watched the 20-minute video, The Pumpkin Circle, that followed the lifespan of (you guessed it) a pumpkin. The kids were then allowed to pick out their very own pumpkin to take home!

Pumpkins. BECAUSE I NEED MORE OF THOSE.

Regardless, we had a lovely time. Both of my grandparents were farmers and I harbor the romantic notion of moving out to a mountain ranch in the middle of nowhere. Where the kids can roam free and our days would be spent caring for animals, harvesting our huge garden, learning mother nature’s never-ending lessons on the trails and teaching them in the ways they learn best (that don’t include an endless barrage of worksheets and drills). Though I’ve only ever lived in the city, suburbia sometimes suffocates me–hence my almost-daily escapes to the mountains.

Then I woke up and we went home.

“I wonder if anyone else has an ear so tuned and sharpened as I have, to detect the music, not of the spheres, but of earth, subtleties of major and minor chords that the wind strikes upon the tree branches. Have you ever heard the earth breathe?” -Kate Chopin

That day at Berry Patch Farms, we all did.

Filed Under: Colorado, Family travel, Hadley, Humor, pumpkins

Halloween 2012: The Slime Bucket, Digging for Eyeballs and the Pumpkin’s Celebrity Encounter

November 2, 2012 By

This year, Jamie was delighted when The Great Pumpkin had an encounter with celebrity. TaRhonda Thomas of 9News fame was at our house interviewing me for an unrelated story and was flabbergasted with what she found when she pulled up to the house. And unlike some broadcast journalists I’ve worked with in the past (read: snobby), she’s every bit as fun and lovely as she appears in the picture.

One of the bonuses of having kids at different schools is they had their Halloween parties at different times so I was able to give each of them my undivided attention. I started with little B. The volunteers were divided up into different stations. The Room Mom asked if I wanted to do the craft.

“Err, no thanks,” I politely declined.
“Really? You look like the crafty type,” she responded.

I assure you that’s the first time THAT has ever happened.

I instead volunteered for the messy slime bucket, which was green jello that was refrigerated with plastic body parts. To demonstrate, I stuck my hand in it and pretended it was getting devoured. What’s Halloween without a bit of traumatizing?

For Dorothy’s party, she was thrilled she was the kid who got to put the finishing touches on her teacher’s mummy wrap and did a muzzle over her mouth.
I’m sure she was thinking, “That’s for all that miserable math homework.”

They did plenty of crafts and games and once again, I volunteered for the messiest of them all (sensing a pattern here?): Searching for eyeballs (marbles) in a mass of brains (spaghetti) with their feet. Disgusting. Especially when the brains got accidentally flicked down my shirt.

That evening, we met at our fire station where they handed out drinks, cupcakes, cookies, free HarperCollins children’s books and then a fire truck led a parade.

From the archives: 3-yr-old Bode at the parade. #Love

Our neighborhood pretty much rocks Halloween.

This is the first year we’ve been able to carve The Great Pumpkin because it’s usually rotting down the driveway. Since the weather was so nice (it’s been 70 degrees), we sat on the porch to hand out candy and could hear the stunned reactions of the trick-or-treaters. A large crowd was usually congregated around the pumpkin to take pictures. The Pumpkin Man was in his element.

Our neighbor Steve told us his wife Angella took a picture of their family with The Great Pumpkin. She’s a pharmaceutical rep and made it into a card to hand out to various doctor’s offices and clients. He said it was an awesome conversation-starter and opened a lot of doors.

Next year, I’m demanding a commission.

Filed Under: 9News, Bode, Hadley, holidays, Humor, pumpkins Tagged With: ,

Apple Dunking and Halloween Bashing!

October 31, 2012 By

Saturday was our ward’s annual Halloween party. The youth were in charge, which means as a youth leader I was a part of the planning and implementation.
Pretty much, I have the best calling ever working with these beautiful young women.

Jamie and I wore our annual costumes. I was the pumpkin widow dressed in black (see my shirt) and Jamie was (what else?) a pumpkin.
It’s like art imitating real life. Every. Single. Day.

We just finished reading the 100th Anniversary edition of Wizard of Oz that I bought as a souvenir in Coronado Island. Much to my delight, Hadley shunned the pop culture costumes of many of her peers and opted to be Dorothy.

Bode, on the other hand? He spotted a Mario costume at the thrift store and the begging began. “Bode, you were Mario two years ago. Don’t you want to be _______” and I listed off a number of costumes. Obviously, I lost.

Blurry action shot eating doughnuts on a string

We had a spookiest appetizer/dessert contest so I whipped up a graveyard 7-Layer Dip. I got a ton of compliments on it but it was a result of improvisation. We didn’t have any refried beans so I used Madras Lentils (my fave wintertime lunch) and layered sour cream, cheese, green onions, salsa and guacamole. For the graveyard, I cut and baked some red chile tortillas into tombstones, a cat and a ghost.
I thought I did a pretty good job until I saw my friend Wendy’s entry.
Overachiever.

The young men were in charge of a haunted grove in the forest behind the church.

Teenagers with a real chainsaw = terrifying.

The young women stayed inside and oversaw all the carnival games.

Best. Bean bag toss. Ever.

And then there was the most unsanitary game of them all: bobbing for apples. In sixth grade, I had a Halloween party that will go down in infamy as The Best Party Ever and I still wear my Queen Apple Bobber Badge proudly. When the young women taunted me to do it, I rose to the challenge.

Or rather, bent way, way over for it. Haddie and Bode joined me and I dove in preparing to leave them in my salivated-apple-bobbing wake. When all of a sudden, I was being submerged way way way under. I flew up sputtering, only to realize my own husband dunked me.

It’s a good thing we drove separately; otherwise dude would have walked home.

Haddie ended up being the winningest apple bobber of the night. As it turns out, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Literally.

Filed Under: Bode, Foodie, Hadley, holidays, Humor, Jamie, LDS, pumpkins Tagged With: ,

How to carve a REAL pumpkin

October 30, 2012 By

I’ve been watching all my friends post pictures of their carved pumpkins on Facebook.

How sweet.

Now, let’s talk about how a REAL pumpkin is carved. Many people ask us what we do with The Great Pumpkin after the weigh-off. The answer is simple: I make Jamie showcase it on our driveway until Halloween. It’s a community attraction and I catch the most random people marveling at it. Last week, it was the garbage man who moved the garbage can beside it  and took a picture. “I told my wife it was as big as a garbage can and she’s not gonna believe it.”

Another sweet man talked to Jamie and then, as if it had given him a new lease on life said, “Thank you sooooo much for growing it.”

Could The Great Pumpkin be as good as therapy?

Though it generally lasts until Halloween, it ain’t pretty after a month of baking in the sun. Pumpkin guts are usually oozing down our driveway, making it a veritable horror show. But this year was different. Jamie’s pumpkin “Christine” has miraculously not shown signs of rotting out so he resolved we were going to carve it for the first time. Have you ever carved a 837-pound beast? Neither had we. Please excuse the blurry pictures; they were taken at night with my iPhone.

We made an event of it by inviting some friends over for FHE. Cookies and hot chocolate with pumpkin spice marshmallows are essential.

Then you get out the power tools. When that doesn’t work, you try a shovel. Once you finally break through the top, you get your first glimpse inside and it was miraculously not rotting out. This almost made Jamie weepy. It was like he was gazing into some fantastical cavern.

Next, you dive in, scoop out the guts and separate the seeds. To those blasphemous people who ask if we eat them: they are dried, sold or traded with other growers.

Entire children were almost lost in the process.

From there, we carved out the face–not an easy process when the skin is almost a foot thick. In fact, the eyes took so long to carve out that I mused to Jamie, “maybe you should make the mouth smaller because the eyes are taking so long. He took one wavering look at me, then back at the pumpkin. “She’s gotta have a big mouth.”

It was like music to my ears.

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, LDS, pumpkins

Just when you thought pumpkin season was over

October 26, 2012 By

People frequently ask me what Jamie is doing with all his free time now that pumpkin season is over. Here’s the thing: it never really ends. These days he’s obsessing about soil samples, what seeds he’s going to use for next year and once he cuts the pumpkin up next week, he’ll be composting it back into the patch.

There are also the frequent reminders like a friend who sent me this article on SEO: Business Lessons From Pumpkin Hackers because she knows Jamie works in web development and initially wondered if it was authored by him. I forwarded it off to Jamie and got this response:

“I would never refer to myself as a ‘geek farmer.’”

“The Pumpkin Man” is so much more dignified.

Then last night before bed, he did something  I can’t remember him ever doing: he was reading at length on his iPad. If you don’t know his history with reading, he spends all day deciphering  code at his computer so the last thing he wants to do in his leisure time is read. He once said, “I don’t have anything against books. I just don’t like reading them.”

So, last night I was justifiably curious. I queried, “What cha reading?”

“Teaming with Microbes.  Weathering, oxidation, reduction actions of iron and managese minerals and the biochemistry of the decomposition of organic matter are the primary factors influencing soil color.”

“I’m sorry I asked.”

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

The Great Pumpkin Season: It’s a Wrap!

October 22, 2012 By

Another year, yet another pumpkin season gone by. Between the record-breaking heat, Jamie’s back-breaking work schedule and sloooow pumpkin growth, our hearts just weren’t into it.

Nonetheless, Jamie was ecstatic when he saw this tweet from a woman who was in my session at the Governor’s Tourism Conference. Yep, I mentioned The Pumpkin Man and the Marriage Ref.

Nice to know she was impressed (or not?)

Though the big Jared’s Nursery weigh-off was a few weeks ago, we have always taken the kids’ pumpkin to our local harvest festival.When we arrived, they had a bigger turnout than I’ve ever seen. But then the rain came. And kept coming.

We were all pretty moody so sought shelter stuffing our faces at the new Fuzzy’s Taco Shop. The rain still hadn’t let up so they did the weigh-off in the rain. Because we’re hearty pumpkin growers, right?

3rd place ribbon!
 
The winners

Bill Orchard is one of the great advocates for our community garden and is always very kind to us when we arrive. Overly kind. In fact, he treats that husband of mine like a celebrity. So, I wasn’t surprised about the article he posted. Jamie’s favorite part?

Infamous Giant Pumpkin grower Jamie Johnson was available to sign autographs and give tips to rookie growers. His kids Bode and Hadley took the third prize award. Jamie recently entered his 837-pound giant in Jared’s Giant Pumpkin contest and finished in fourth place.

Sign autographs? Give tips?

I suspect Bill is going to become his agent for the 2013 season.

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

The road to popularity is paved in orange

October 9, 2012 By

Popularity is elusive. Some think you need to wear the right clothes. Or have the right friends. Or it’s all about your parent’s connections.

Last Monday, my kids learned the key to their popularity: showcase an orange monstrosity to your friends. Yep, that’s all it takes. I took The Great Pumpkin to both of my kids’ schools and it was a HIT.

First stop was Hadley. Coincidentally, it was her school’s fun run fundraiser so I caught a glimpse of her.

In Action.

Inaction.

She did 14 laps, which equaled 3.5 miles–waaaay more than I thought she’d do. And it made me regret I didn’t pledge a lump sum but tried to motivate her by donating per lap. 

I’ll know better next time. #PoorHouse

Jamie stayed for a little while but had to get back to work, which was a shame because he loves nothing better than catering to his adoring fans. And believe me, there were many. The entire school needed to walk by The Great Pumpkin on their way back to class.

Haddie did a great job explaining the ins and outs of pumpkin growing to her third graders.

And judging from a couple of the boys’ gaga reactions, she also cemented a few crushes. She’s cute and grows huge pumpkins? That’s hot.

Then, it was off to Bode’s school where all three first-grade classes came to check it out.

He did a fantastic job talking about his growing strategy, after which we opened it up for questions. Big mistake. While most kids were great, there was one little boy I couldn’t get to quiet down. After about a minute of expounding upon what he’d do if he had a giant pumpkin, I tried to move on by talking over him.

And he kept talking. I kept ignoring him until finally, he shouted, “I AM NOT FINISHED YET!”

Believe me, I was.

At the end of the day when I picked up Bode from the bus stop, I asked him:

“So, what did your friends say about the pumpkin?”

“They thought it was cool. I was second in line to come home and the boy at the front gave up his spot to me and said, ‘You have a big pumpkin so you can be first.’”

As far as the first-grade pecking order goes, that’s as good as it gets.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, Humor, pumpkins
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