Like a Giant Pumpkin to the Slaughter: A Pumpkin Party to Remember

September 30, 2013 By

Last week was a blur as I chaperoned Hadley’s three-day camping trip and returned home to throw our annual pumpkin party the next day, followed by the chaotically fun giant pumpkin weigh-off.

Translation: I barely slept.

We always invite oodles of friends and setup the party in our backyard, which, between that and our neighbor’s lot where Jamie grows the pumpkin, there is plenty of room to roam. But this year, we had a further complication: lots of rain. We have a good-sized four-bedroom house but it is certainly not big enough to comfortably house 60+ people but that’s exactly what we did.

That was only the tip of our muddy iceberg that night.

I expected people to un-RSVP due to the inclement weather and, if we’re being honest here, I kind of hoped they would so we would have a more manageable crowd. But we have wonderful, supportive friends (yeah!) and a deluge of them waited until the very last minute to say they were coming (not yeah!)

The motivator was probably my Facebook post that announced the party was still on despite the rain with the promise of mud wrestling in the pumpkin patch.

We told our friends to dress for the weather and that they did. Though Meredith went a wee bit overboard with her dorky umbrellas.

If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

Admission to the pumpkin party is your favorite pumpkin dish and we had two tables full of pumpkin rolls, pies, cookies, pumpkin seed guacamole, cinnamon rolls, cakes, dips, pumpkin-spiced hot chocolate and so much  more. I made two new treats that will become permanent fixtures–pumpkin magic cookie bars and pumpkin oatmeal bars (recipes forthcoming). It was one of my favorite spreads ever.

And I’m not just talking about the middle-aged spread I had after sampling them all.

Usually when it’s time to cut the pumpkin off the vine, everyone races out to the pumpkin patch but we had three kinds of people.

1) The “been there, done that” types who opted to stay inside.

Note: My unsupportive children were numbered among them. The Pumpkin Man may disown them for this major trespass.

2) The “I’m intrigued but I don’t want to get wet” types. These people crammed inside near the back door and the more interested sorts stood on the deck so they were able to dash back indoors if they got too soaked.

3) The “I’m all in” types.

These hearty  souls were rewarded with quite the show and major complications surfaced because:

1) It was raining. In case you’d forgotten that.

2) It was muddy.

3) Stanley the Pumpkin weighs several hundred pounds more than Jamie’s previous gourds.

Usually, Jamie and a few of his buddies adjust lifting straps around the pumpkin, they attach it to the forklift and the machine very carefully lifts it off its bed of sand onto the flatbed trailer while the crowd cheers.

But this year, there was muck everywhere so the backhoe could not get enough traction to lift the pumpkin out of the patch. After several failed attempts (and a backhoe that literally almost tipped over from the weight of the pumpkin), Jamie and his pit crew changed strategies. They  knocked down one of the poles supporting the hail netting so the backhoe could go in at another angle.

As we watched the drama unfold, one of our drenched-to-the-bone neighbor’s daughters raved to me, “This is your greatest pumpkin party yet! The rain! The mud! And they might not even get the pumpkin out of there!”

She sure has a differ view of greatness.

After what seemed like an eternity, the deed was done. Jamie and his buddies looked like the Swamp Things as they emerged from the patch and I was horrified when I saw one of them had blood all over his face.

“What happened?”

“I’m not sure. I was trying to push the backhoe when it got stuck and I got bloodied up.”

It was the Great Pumpkin’s first sacrificial lamb. But I’m sure it will not be the last.

Be sure to read the details of the weigh-off and the Great Pumpkin’s final weight!

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins Tagged With: , ,

Why I may be the best wife in the world

September 21, 2013 By

Next week is allllll about pumpkins with our infamous pumpkin party and weigh-off. If you’d like to guess the weight of the pumpkin, be sure to go here. We’re giving away tickets to Elitch Gardens’ Fright Fest for the three closest guesses!

On a side note, I’ll be chaperoning Hadley’s class camping trip for three days next week, which makes for an even craaazier week for me.

But abandoning Jamie, Bode and Fat Kitty has been forgiven because of The Denver Post’s article 10 fun things to do in Denver before summer ends by John Wenzel. The reason? Not only did I score a very generous mention of the weigh-off but a nice picture of Stanley the Pumpkin and our cute neighbor Stella.

Let the pumpkin games begin!

Filed Under: pumpkins

How not to announce the demise of your giant pumpkin

August 23, 2013 By

The “evil split”

As I posted yesterday, Jamie lost his giant pumpkin that was on track to take the state record. He didn’t initially tell us about it; it was Bode’s first day of school so he waited until after we dropped him off because he “didn’t want to ruin his day.”

Though we’re all very sad for him, the only person whose day (and entire growing season) was ruined was poor Jamie. He sent out an email to our family with the subject line:

“Stanley is no more.”

The problem with this? My dad’s name is Stanley.

Better: “Stanley the Pumpkin is in Pumpkin Heaven” or “Crack Can Kill (the Pumpkin).”

Here’s for hoping for a better season next year.

 

Filed Under: Jamie, pumpkins

How to mend a man’s broken heart: fresh peach pie with shortbread crust

August 22, 2013 By

We had a heartbreak at the Johnson household yesterday. Jamie’s pride and joy (no, not his children but his giant pumpkin) blew up. We knew at the rate it was growing, it would be very possible for it to crack and that it did. He intends to caulk the split and hope it makes it to the weigh-off at the end of September but it is now disqualified, which is a disappointment because it was on-track to becoming a state record.

Jamie with 1,000+ pound Stanley the Pumpkin during happier times

He still has another pumpkin that is growing less rapidly as back-up but for now, the dream is dead.

So, how do you mend a man’s broken heart? Through his stomach, of course. As I was driving home from mountain biking, I passed Heinie’s Market, a family-owned and operated fresh produce market and spotted the  most glorious Colorado Palisade Peaches. One of Jamie’s favorite desserts ever is his mom’s fresh peach pie so I figured it would give him at least a little bit of a lift. A couple of my friends asked for the recipe so I’ll post it here.

What I like about this pie: I’m a crust snob and shudder at any recipe that says to use those crap pre-made or frozen ones. But I’m also not the best crust maker so this one calls for what could be classified as shortbread and is so so so easy to put together.

And there is nothing better than fresh peaches when they’re in season so why on earth do we bake them and suck all the glorious goodness out of them? The crust is baked but the peaches are not so the sweeter and better the peaches, the more delicious the pie. Trust me, try this recipe and you’ll never look back.

Oh, why peach pie to help salve the wound?

Because pumpkin pie would’ve added insult to injury, of course.

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Grandma’s Fresh Peach Pie with Shortbread Crust

Crust

1 cup of butter
2 cups of flour
1/4 cup of sugar (though I add a touch more)
dash of salt

Mix and press onto a pie plate. Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes and let cool.

Filling

2 cups of boiling water
2 1/2 cup sugar
1/8 tsp salt
1 1/2 cup of cold water
3/4 cup corn starch
1 3-oz package of peach Jello
1/4 cup of lemon juice
4-6 fresh peaches

Instructions: Boil 2 cups of water in a saucepan. Mix sugar, salt and cornstarch with the cold water. Pour the mixture into the boiling water and let it cook until it is thick and clear (about 5 minutes). Add the Jello powder and cook for another minute. Take the saucepan off the head and add the lemon juice. Let it cool. Peel and cut the peaches and stir them in. Pour into the pie shells and refrigerate until you’re ready to eat.

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To read about Stanley the pumpkin’s demise, be sure to go to denverpumpkins.com.

Filed Under: Foodie, Jamie, pumpkins Tagged With: ,

The Other Woman

August 21, 2013 By

I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had time for one of my favorite past times: mocking Jamie and the Great Pumpkin.

Truth be told, it’s been a tough season to mock because he’s been skipping around like a giddy school girl. The reason? His pumpkin, Stanley, is his biggest ever and is one of the largest in Colorado.

He’s never had a pumpkin weigh over 1,000 pounds and Stanley has likely surpassed that mark with 30 days still left to grow. But this is when it gets scary. It’s not uncommon for pumpkins of this size to split and there are a myriad of things that could go wrong that would disqualify him from the competition.

His work schedule is a lot more reasonable these days vs. the 15-hour days of yesteryear so I honestly haven’t had an issue with how much time he spends out there because there is plenty left for us. However, I’ve been very forthcoming that my version of “quality time” does not include gardening so I rarely go back to the patch, simply monitoring its growth from the bedroom window.

On Friday night, he announced:

“You need to come to the patch to me.”

“OK, just give me a few minutes.”

“Make it quick. The light is perfect.”

Mood lighting? What was the guy up to? A make-out session under the pumpkin vines? Naught fella, that Jamie.

As soon as we walked out to the patch, I saw his ulterior motive.

“Can you take a picture of me with the pumpkin?”

“So this is why you wanted me out here?”

He didn’t argue so I snapped away.

Cuz it’s pretty tough to compete with a 1,000 beauty like her.

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

Summer hiking group fun and why Bode can stay in his BOY corner

July 16, 2013 By

One of my favorite things in the entire world is exploring and discovering trails, particularly in my own backyard. So imagine how thrilled I was to recently stumble upon some new-to-me sites intermingled with my long-time favorites.

The Hike

My church friend Dawn organized a summer hiking group on Tuesday mornings. Early-June, Dawn decreed our first hike would be the Castle Trail at Mount Falcon Open Space, which is is a great, moderate trail for younger kiddos.

One of my favorite memories is when I was REALLY pregnant with Bode, we decided to go for a hike and picnic. We were only a few minutes into our hike when our little 2-year-old cherub decided she was not walking another step. And when stubborn miss doesn’t want to do something, she will not do it. Nice parents that we are, we didn’t give in to her meltdown and so she threw herself onto the middle of the trail and raged for about 10 minutes.

We walked a safe distance away. No, we were not worried about her safety (because who would take her in that condition?) but rather, ours. We pointedly ignored the other parents who judged us while we let her scream it out. If she’d been in a store, it would have been another matter but since we were in the great outdoors, we let her roar with the mountain lions. It ended up working. She eventually gave up, jumped up, dusted herself off and kept on walking. She was a delight the rest of the day.

Here Hadley is seven years later at the scene of the crime. Doesn’t she look so much more docile?

We’ll compare notes again at this spot during the hormonal teenage  years.

The Castle/Meadow Trail had all the makings for a perfect outing: a wide trail, beautiful wildflower-strewn meadow and rocks for climbing. The boys reenacted being chased by Orcs in Lord of the Rings while I tried not to take offense of being mistaken for a sallow-skinned, fanged humanoid.

Our final destination was the stone-wall remnants of the John Brisben Walker family castle that boasts stunning views of Denver. Though the ruins are fenced off for climbing, we were fully engaged as we read about his rags-to-riches story that included the fire that destroyed this early-1900s dream home.

Parmalee Gulch

The easiest route to Mount Falcon is via U.S. Highway 285. Take the Indian Hills turn-off and follow the open space signs up Parmalee Gulch Road. On our return trip, my kids and I were stopped in our tracks at a stunning property just outside of Mount Falcon with a white fence that stretched as far as the eye could see. When we saw the “For Sale” sign, we pulled in.

Because we just happen to be in the market for a multi-million-dollar property.

As we dreamed of having a mountain retreat, we eventually wound back down to a new-to-us part of Parmalee Gulch Road, happening upon a fantastic playground within Parmalee’s town limits. “We HAVE to stop!” my son announced and I agreed.

For the next hour, we scaled logs, climbed rock walls to the top of the slide and climbed on bears at this awesome playground.

Turned out I wasn’t too good at the latter, which is probably a good thing.

Bear Creek Canyon

I frequent Bear Creek Canyon regularly when en route from Denver/Morrison to Evergreen. After driving down the canyon,  we landed in the funky mountain town of Morrison, devoured sundaes at The Blue Cow, threw rocks in Bear Creek and I then told the kids we were crossing the street to visit two shops I’ve driven past a hundred times but have never set foot.

Both were love at first sight: Sundance Sensations appealed to my Bohemian side while La Boutique des Bourdreux was a whimsical, vintage gift and clothing shop where Hadley and I were enthralled at every turn and could have spent an hour in there.

If it wasn’t for Bode.

As every minute passed, he grew increasingly inpatient. When Hadley and I started trying on the large selection of hats, I cooed, “Hadley, I want this hat.”

Bode interjected. “Mommy, WANTS ARE NOT NEEDS.”

It would seem he’s been taking lessons from his father on more than just pumpkins.

Filed Under: Bode, Colorado, Family travel, Hadley, hiking, Humor, outdoors, pumpkins, travel Tagged With: , , , ,

Because I’m supportive like that

May 30, 2013 By

Jamie recently sent me the following email regarding a message he received via his website’s contact form:

“My adoring fans demand more of ME…”

====

Questions/Comments
Hi. My name is (Crazy Lady) and I am a Development and Casting Director working with (Crazy Lady) Media, the world’s third largest television production company.

We are currently working on a development project for a network focused on the Competitive World Of Extreme Gardening.

I would love to be in touch with you to provide you with more information and to see if you might be interested in participating in this project.

If you are interested in talking, please email your number or feel free to call me directly.

Thank you,
Crazy Lady

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He has an audition today.

My response? “Oh hell.”

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

Because it’s never too early to start corrupting the young

April 26, 2013 By

Hadley’s class is beginning a farming unit at school and they will be going on a three-day field trip to a farm in a couple of weeks. To help prepare, her teacher asked Jamie to come into her class to teach them about soil and giant pumpkin growing.

An entire hour to talk about pumpkins to eager young minds? He was IN.

I wasn’t planning to go but at the last minute, he told me he needed help transporting visual aids, one of which is Hadley’s plant that is already growing like gangbusters in its pot.

I took it out to the car, carefully placed it by my feet and buckled up.

Him: “Pick it up.”
Me: “Fine.” I put it on my lap.
Him: You’re not holding it correctly.” I change my pose, holding it closer.
Him: “It’s moving around. You can’t hold it like that.”
Me: “What is wrong with the way I’m holding it?!”
Him: “Holding the plant upside down is not considered the best way to do it.”
(In my defense, it was slightly tilted but stable.)
Me: “We’re in a moving car and I’m clutching it to my CHEST. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT?”
Him: “More.”

I didn’t know what I’d signed up for when I volunteered to be his assistant.

When we were walking to class, the criticisms continued until he finally took the plant. I don’t know how he did it but his entire upper body didn’t move as he walked.

Hadley was thrilled to have him and his hands-on presentation was well-received. He was the Pumpkin Man Incarnate. He dazzled them with stories, awed them with pictures of The Great Pumpkin and never has a talk on soil been so moving. Some of the kids couldn’t get enough–one boy even took a full page of notes and kept drilling him with questions. Others will be losing sleep about their parent’s crappy soil.

“I’m going to plant a pumpkin in our yard and not tell my mom,” said one little girl.

Another one wailed, “How do I know if I have enough nitrogen in my soil?”

“I send my soil to get tested but I’m sure your parents won’t want to do that,” Jamie replied.

“Can we give it to you so you can send it off?”

At the end of the day, The Pumpkin Man gave each kid their very own Dill’s Atlantic Giant Pumpkin Seed.

Judging from their reaction, it was better than the Magic Bean from Jack and the Beanstalk.

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

And So the Giant Pumpkin Games Begin!

April 25, 2013 By

Grow room. Allegedly the legal kind.

Pumpkin season has begun Chez Johnson and after soaking the seeds via the paper towel method, they are nicely planted in their pots in our makeshift grow room. This year, Jamie is using a mixture of 65 percent ProMix BX, 10 percent worm castings and 25 percent Fox Farm’s Ocean Forest.

C’mon, you know you were wondering.

Jamie is also planning to grow giant watermelon and tomato plants because we want to make our backyard resemble Honey, I Shrunk the Kids even more.

This morning, Hadley’s teacher asked Jamie to come speak to the class about soil, seeds and gardening. An entire hour to preach the Pumpkin Gospel to inquiring, gullible minds? Talk about the best thing ever.

The other day, I caught him rummaging through our cupboard.

“What’re you looking for?” Me, trying to be helpful.

“A cup for storing my bacteria and fungus.”

Thus begins the season of It’s Better Not To Ask.

Follow Jamie’s pumpkin updates at denverpumpkins.com. Tune in here next time for all the details of when Jamie became a rock star for Hadley’s class.

Filed Under: Jamie, pumpkins

Life lessons from growing the Great Pumpkin

April 1, 2013 By

In Jamie’s words on his Facebook page:

“My wife finally wrote an article in the Denver Post about something important.”

Don’t say I’m not supportive of The Crazy.

Click to read the article

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins
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