Happy Birthday to Hunky Hubby!

December 9, 2008 By

It is ma honey’s birthday today. Some people would say that he puts up with a lot having me as his wife.

And they would be correct.

But it goes both ways.

He demonstrated his obsession during our recent annual gingerbread house decorating contest at Grandma’s. Oh wait. I forgot. Pacifist Grandma always corrects us that “this is all about family bonding and it is not a contest.”

Yeah, right.

Any guesses as to which house he decorated with Bode? Hint: The front yard is very telling.

1)

2)

3)

Happy birthday to my wonderful husband who is never boring.

Well, except for when he drones on and on about poultry compost, alfalfa meal, bone meal, green sand, humic acid, organic 10-5-5 fertilizer with calcium, tree leaves, elemental sulphur, peat moss and aluminum sulphate….

XOXOXXOXO
Amber

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: holidays, Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

And so it Begins: The Great Pumpkin 2009

November 20, 2008 By

You may think because I have not talked about pumpkins for a few weeks that pumpkin season is over. Au contraire, my friends. My husband received permission from our neighbor to grow The Great Pumpkin on the field behind our house. Now he is obsessed with building up the soil (one of the most important factors of growing a giant pumpkin). He has created such concoctions as mycorrhizal fungi, Neptune’s Fish & Seaweed, compost tea, molasses and fat-free milk.

Try having that in your refrigerator.

The other day, he announced he was going to run to the bank. A few minutes later, the kids and I decided to play in the backyard. As we walked out on the deck, Bode squealed, “Daddy, dere’s Daddy!”

I was about to explain to him that Daddy had gone to the bank when I looked over the fence to where he was pointing and there was my beloved husband obsessing over the soil.

“Bank, eh?” I queried.
“Well, after this one little detour,” he sheepishly confessed.

Like a moth to the flame, my friends.

Oh, and if you think your obsessions will not rub off on your children?

Think again.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, Marriage, pumpkins

YOUR VOTE NEEDED TO STOP THE INSANITY!!

October 23, 2008 By

I have been sick all week but a recent development may have augmented my weakened condition.

I could handle the non-stop talk about pumpkins.

I survived all the summer evenings that Jamie spent at his parent’s house nurturing his orange monstrosity.

I proudly displayed the many newspaper clippings of him and The Great Pumpkin (he was featured six weeks in a row).

I even accepted the concoction of bat guano he had gurgling on our front porch all summer.

But this, THIS my friends has sent me over the edge. It is an email I discovered him typing the other day. And at this, I am putting my foot WAAAAAAAY down.

Carol,

I’ve never raised worms before but have read more than one study on the
value of worm castings to many plants. I grow giant pumpkins (the 1,000
pound variety) and have given my planting beds a healthy portion or worm
castings in the past but have recently learned that almost all store bought
worm castings are sterilized (which defeats at least 50% of the purpose of
the castings).

My questions for you is how often and how much would I need to feed the
worms? How often and how much water would I give them? How much space is required? Come spring time I would love 50 lbs of worm castings to mix into the soil. What would I need to do to do this? And lastly, my plan would be to keep them in a storage room that is typically around 65 degrees. Would I need to be concerned about any smells and what types of foods would you give them to keep the smell down?

Jamie

Jamie says I am overreacting. How would YOU react to having your basement converted into a worm garden?????!!

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, Marriage, pumpkins

The tale of a sleep-walking mouse

October 20, 2008 By

Jamie’s sleep issues started before we were married with a sleep-walking incident during his visit home to Meet the Parents (the movie is actually based on our true story).

A bit of background: we met ONLINE (a rather crazy story for another time) and were married within six months after we met. My family was subsequently wary of Jamie and my brother Patrick even referred to him as “The Axe Murderer.” For this reason, it was very important for him to make a good impression when I bought him home to meet The Family for Christmas. It didn’t happen.

After his first full day in Calgary, he retired to his assigned room in the basement. My brother Jade and Shannon, his busting-at-the-seams pregnant wife, were in the room next to him. Something you should know about Jamie is that when he does dream, it is very vivid. As in he thinks it’s actually happening.

So, Jamie was in dreamland when he was awoken by a mouse crawling up his leg (or so he thought). He shot outta bed, flew out of his room, only to find Jade and Shannon having a late-night discussion on the couch. They were shocked.

Panting heavily, Jamie announced to them, “Don’t worry: I’m Jamie Johnson!” (For fear they had forgotten who he was, of course) And he then proceeded to babble about how he had allegedly been attacked by a mouse. During his commentary, he went over to pet Lucky (the dog he did not like) and then gave his soon-to-be sister-in-law a backrub (who, at nine months pregnant, was not exactly the cuddly type).

Jamie then started to slowly wake up and made his way upstairs to get a glass of water. The full ramifications of what he had done started to set in. Embarrassed, he curled his 6′1 frame up onto a little couch upstairs and tried to go back to sleep, vowing to not go downstairs and face those people again.

Sympathetic and amused Jade eventually followed him up, “Hey Dude, are you all right?”

He really wasn’t.

When I went down the next morning to wake Jamie up, I could tell something was wrong. It was all confirmed in just one statement: “I think I gave Shannon a backrub last night.”

And so it began.


© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Favorite Posts, Humor, Jamie

Which Witch is Which (and other Salem findings)

October 14, 2008 By

Our Halloween celebrations are in full swing and I am lovin’ life these days. It could be the cooler temperatures or the fun decorations. Or maybe it’s the parties, costume parades or the abundance of pumpkins for this pumpkin-obsessed family. And not to be forgotten is the emergence of my ghost salad tongs.

What? Like your mom doesn’t send you salad tongs for every season.

As aforementioned, Jamie and I went to Boston for one of the world’s largest pumpkin weigh-offs at The Topsfield Fair. He was as giddy as a kid in a candy storea grown man freaking out over big pumpkins.

And I’m not talking about the female variety.
I admittedly don’t have room to talk. I relished being in a region that celebrates fall and Halloween. Where every other house was decorated, pumpkins were revered and where Salem’s witch population provides for great entertainment.

Just so long as you stay on their good side.

Jamie and I stayed at Fox Pond B&Bin Marblehead, a quaint coastal town outside of Salem. Our first night, we really wanted some fresh seafood so upon the recommendation of the B&B’s owner we ate at The Barnacle, a cozy seafood haunt on the water. I am not much of a seafood lover but make the exception “When in Rome” and resolved to try some shrimp or lobster.

Until I was told that pumpkin ravioli with butternut squash cream sauce was the daily special. And how was it?

Think deli scene from When Harry Met Sally.

But really, the must-see destination for any Halloween lover was Salem. There was a profusion of fall colors, oodles of tacky tourists vying to see the sundry of witch museums and best of all, witches. Or at least folks dressed up as them.

More than 40,000 people descend upon Salem in October. My only goal was to buy something that I could display every year so I could profess we bought it from The Witch Capital of the World.

Easier said than done.

I dragged Jamie to all the tacky tourist stores and I was tempted by their wares but never swayed.

Until I saw IT. The bain to my wenchy…errr…witchy existence: a witch’s hat with flowing tendrils. It was like the Sorting Hat on Harry Potter. From the moment I put it on, it knew me and I knew we had been separated at birth.

Unfortunately, Jamie was not in agreement. Much to his chagrin, I insisted upon wearing The Hat the rest of the day and he had his own coping mechanisms for our new addition.

“Why are you not walking with me?” I accused.
“I am walking with you. It’s just far away.”

And so it is in the life of a witch.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: holidays, Humor, Jamie, pumpkins, travel Tagged With:

Mr. Lord of the Gourds Visits the Super Bowl of Pumpkin Weigh-offs

October 7, 2008 By

I love Boston.

If I could transport the Rocky Mountains to Massachusetts, I would move there tomorrow. Well, except that I cannot spell M-A-S-S-A-C-H-U- S-E-T-T-S without the help of spell-check.

Jamie and I just returned from Boston and everything about the area resonated with me: the ocean, the rocky crags, the explosion of trees, the locals who can’t say their Rs…all of it was so endearing and I wonder why it has taken me this long to visit.

My new obsession is vacationing on Martha’s Vineyard, Nantucket or Cape Code. If you have a vacation home on any of those islands, I will gladly take it off your hands for a week this summer.

Because I am generous like that.

For those just tuning in, I gave Jamie a trip to the Topsfield Fair for Father’s Day. This community outside of Boston hosts the oldest agricultural fair in the country (190 years old) and if you need a description, just think the Super Bowl.

But with really big, orange balls.


I could make fun of them all but do you know what? I got a kick out of the whole event. These people have giant pumpkin growing down to a science and watching Jamie meet his Pumpkin Idols was akin to watching Hadley score her first goal in soccer.

Should it ever happen.

When we first walked into the arena, the weigh-off was already underway. Jamie has been in correspondence with many of the growers on Bigpumpkins.com, a forum where guys talk about [what else?] pumpkins and the women who love them. Or hate them. It depends on the day.

Jamie was looking for one man in particular and walked up to a group to seek him out. One guy turned around and recognition struck Jamie like a smashing pumpkin: it was his idol Joe Justras who holds the world record for his 1,689-pound pumpkin. Loving wife that I am, I insisted they pose for a picture together.

Though it saddens me this will probably replace the family portrait in our living room.

Jamie spent the rest of the morning watching the weigh-off and meeting various pumpkin growers. They come from all walks of life: farmers, dentists, manufacturing engineers, mortgage brokers, and even the Mafia. Yes, you heard correctly. One man who is allegedly “cut from the same cloth as the Sopranos” showed up with his pumpkin a half hour after the entry deadline.

Funny how they still let him compete.

I thought I had seen everything until I stumbled upon this couple:


They seemed legit but I have learned the biggest con artists are those you least expect. And finding scalpers at a giant pumpkin weigh-off is certainly not expected.

The world record will likely be bested next weekend by Steve Connolly, whom we met at Topsfield. Even though Jamie and I were casual observers, we were still deemed noteworthy and were interviewed for the local newspaper.

I expect The New York Times to contact us any day for the follow-up.

========================================================

Tune in next time as we journey to Salem, the land of the witches, and find out how we relived one of When Harry Met Sally’s more memorable moments.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, outdoors, pumpkins, travel

The Lord of the Gourd: A Q&A

October 2, 2008 By

Thank you for your overwhelming support for The Great Pumpkin. So many questions, so much sympathy re: my neglected status. I have been asked what our real garden is like and my answer? What garden? Jamie says the reason our garden did not flourish is due to a pesky vole.

I say the reason was the inordinate about of time spent on The Great Pumpkin.

Jamie could not keep up with all the great comments about his 755-pound beast so, for the first time ever, The Great Lord of the Gourds is making his first verbatim appearance on my blog. Join me in welcoming him as he answers some of your questions! (And please excuse the spacing issues on this post; evidently The Great Pumpkin even defies HTML regulations).

1) So did massive amount of Miracle Gro go into this bad boy or what’s the secret?

This pumpkin was grown completely organic, including the small boy up the street that it ate three weeks ago.It was sad to see the boy go but the pumpkin put on 40 pounds that day. Many growers will use MiracleGro and the like to grow giant pumpkins but most of the heavy hitters go completely organic so they can build up the soil and plant on the same spot year after year.

2) What are your plans for The Great Pumpkin?

We are going to cut a hole into the top of it like a Kayak, put it in a lake and paddle around.It is plenty big and buoyant enough to use it as a boat for an adult. Editor’s note: Dear Lord, please do not let The Great Pumpkin sink. I cannot bear to see a grown man cry.

3) How much pumpkin pie will that thing make? And pumpkin bread, cake.

Mmmmm. Love the pumpkin bread. Unfortunately, Dill’s Giant Atlantic variety pumpkins aren’t very good eating I’m told. Editor’s note: thank heavens for this response. Gutting and cooking up that pumpkin would be akin to life as a hunter’s wife.

4) Wow. I’m trying to imagine how much watering/care/etc. a giant pumpkin takes. And yard space!

This pumpkin plant was 30 feet wide by 30 feet long.The pumpkin didn’t fill the entire space but it did take a full 600 square feet of space.Once the plant was completely grown (about 1.5 months old) it was given about 2.5 inches of water per week.I usually tended to the plant about 30-60 minutes per day although Amber would tell you it was about
3-6 hours per day. Editor’s note: And Amber would be correct.

5) When I picture this whole thing in my mind …I just have to laugh. The great pumpkin? The whole pumpkin hobby? The planning of vacations and weekends around what else? Pumpkins! Expound.

Some call it obsession, others passion.Let’s be honest however. How many of us have planned our day around a television show(s) or other fruitless endeavors. At least mine produced some fruit. Actually a whole lot of it! lol

6) I will have to consult with your husband next
year. LONG have I wanted to grow pumpkins, but all three times I’ve tried the vines have sort of melted. Overwatering? General gardening lameness?

Melted?Hmmmm.I would say go to Denver Pumpkins and read what I did.If you start from the very first post you can get a blow by blow of the entire pumpkin season.If that doesn ’t work I’d suggest selling your hoe and giving your shovel a rest. Editor’s note: I’ve been called a lot of things but hoe is probably the most offensive.

7) I’m assuming conversation is going to turn to the new crop, it’s not to early to start planning, is it? What are next year’s plans?

Next years plans are for more pumpkins and a new patch.This year I grew at my parent’s house.That freaked them out the first half of the growing season so I am now going to be growing in the farmer’s field behind my house. Something about yelling at my mom for not throwing her body over the pumpkin plant, like a soldier throwing himself on a grenade, during the 2nd hail storm of the season didn’t sit very well with her (I think my parents actually started enjoying it as the season went on however because it is really kind of fun watching the monster grow).

I have already had a soil test done on the field and have started to purchase the proper amendments to make sure the soil is to world class levels next spring. In the coming weeks I will be adding 5 yards of manure and many pounds of organic fertilizers and minerals to the soil.Next year I will have 3 plants (one for the kids) which will allow me to push the pumpkins a little harder in the hopes of getting to 1,000 pounds. Editor’s note: Great. That means I have a one-week vacation before pumpkin season starts all over again.

8) This might be a stupid question, but when you cut open this giant pumpkin, are the seeds giant, or normal size seeds? Just curious. That’s a great family photo! Jamie doesn’t name the pumpkin does he?

Giant pumpkin seeds tend to be a little bigger than the regular pumpkin seeds. They usually have a harder shell too. This year’s pumpkin’s name is DillBoy. Howard Dill is the inventor of Dill’s Giant Atlantic pumpkin seeds that all of the top growers use for competition.He passed away in May due to cancer.The seed that I grew on actually came from Howard so I name the pumpkin DillBoy in honor of him. Editor’s note: it is sentimental talk like this that makes me worried the man will indeed bury me inside of a pumpkin. Lord, please don’t let me go
first.

9) My question for your interview with Linus (er, Jamie)…how lucky are you to have a wife who not only allows the growing of the Great Pumpkin…but also throws a party for said pumpkin?

I couldn ’t agree with you more.My good wife not only put up with the pumpkin growing, but early in the season surprised me for Father’s Day with a trip for the two of us toTopsfield, Salem and Boston so I could go to the granddaddy of big pumpkin weigh-offs in Topsfield, Massachusetts.

The pumpkin party was completely my idea however.She said more than once “Who is going to go to a pumpkin party? And what are people going to do at a pumpkin party?”My answer, “Stare at the pumpkin.”She just said “whatever” to my reply until it dawned on her that I had invited some of her friends to the party and they had actually accepted. Horror struck my Party Princess wife when she realized that I was serious!

In the end, when the party was all done and the 30-40 guests had all gone home with smiles on their faces that a giant pumpkin has a strange sort of power. We all grew up reading children’s books with abnormally sized objects (fruit, shoes, beanstalks, eggs, candy, vegetables).As a result we kind of think of the whole giant thing as kind of whimsical thing that is way outside of reality.When you see a giant pumpkin for the first time it so breaks the mold of our accepted reality that we have to stare at it in wonder. The typical question, “Is it real or is it fiberglass?” is understandable because the whole thing doesn’t make any sense.How could food be that big?It is like staring at a children’s story book come to life.But then you touch it and stare at it some more the whole thing slowly becomes wonderful because it is like a children’s story book come to life.What could be better than seven hundred pounds of wonderful food all in a single fruit!? Editor’s note: sniff. No comment. Maybe I am a sentimental pumpkin-lovin’ fool after all….

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: holidays, Humor, Jamie, pumpkins Tagged With:

The Mystery of The Great Pumpkin FINALLY Revealed!

September 29, 2008 By

First things first. Congratulations to Tanya of Mike and Tanya’s Corner of the World! Not only did she just have baby #2 but she also won The Great Pumpkin Contest and was just 10 pounds off from guessing the weight!

Before I get ahead of myself, let’s start with our kooky open house for the inanimate object a.k.a. pumpkin on Friday.

Guess what? It turns out our friends were kooky enough to attend, bring pumpkin gifts and pose for pictures with The Great Pumpkin.

And the highlight of the event? The great ribbon cutting vine snipping, followed by hauling it to the trailer. And just how did they do it? Eight men + one pumpkin lifting tarp + a whole lot of muscle. And even more sore backs. (Tune in tomorrow for the glorious commentary + pictures).

Colorado’s largest pumpkins congregated at the Rocky Mountain Giant Vegetable Growers weigh-off on Saturday. And if you had ever asked me as a little girl if I would marry a man who would become conjoined with such an organization, I would have laughed until I was blue in the face.

Or orange.

And the results all [five] of you have been waiting for? The Great Pumpkin’s weight is 755 pounds and it won second place for the prettiest pumpkin. The state record was broken by Joe Scherber at a whopping 1,135 pounds!

Which technically means that The Great Pumpkin is not quite as great as Farmer Joe’s. Or more accurately, Dentist Joe’s.

Though it just doesn’t have the same ring.

Last week on Mile High Mamas, I ran a Get-My-husband-Off-My-Back-and-Guess-His-Pumpkin’s-Weight Contest. Congratulations to Pat. Her guess was the closest and she won four tickets to Elitch’s Fright Fest!

My daughter took third place in the children’s division and Jamie plans to help our son grow one as well next year.

And then it will all be over for me because I will officially be outnumbered.

pumpkinsnuggleLest you think I am a killjoy, know that our entire summer has revolved around The Great Pumpkin. A few weeks ago, we had family in town and we were talking about [what else?] pumpkins when there was a lull in the conversation. I finally broke it.

“Has anyone wondered what we are going to talk about when pumpkin season is over?”

Jamie: “We will reminisce about The Great Pumpkin.”

For additional pictures and fun commentary on the competition and open house, go to my blog, Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck tomorrow. Or if you’re just tuning into this saga, checkout Sordid Secrets and the Husbands Who Keep Them.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

How a lemon car can teach you that your marital relations need some spice

July 28, 2008 By

We bought a new car last week.

Before you send your congratulations, know that this was like those “Oops!” pregnancies and our purchase was unplanned. I am not quite sure how it happened; I wasn’t even ovulating at the time.

From the moment of conception purchase a few years ago, we have had problems with my husband Jamie’s Jetta. But the past month has been a non-stop stream of breakdowns. The car, not me. Mostly.

We had planned to trade it in next year but we were stressed about all the nickles, dimes and dollars we were pouring into its repairs. The worst part of all is the mechanic could not ascertain the problem.

And so we had a tough decision: sustenance for the children or a new car.

Please send food.

I have never made a huge decision so quickly. Well, with the exception of buying the first wedding dress I tried on and oh, can you please throw in that cute veil ASAP because I am late for my volleyball game? Or the fact that I was married within six months of meeting Jamie.

He gives me a hard time about the deluge of children’s items that flood my SUV but nothing could have prepared me for what we discovered when we cleaned out his car.

One could expect some fast-food wrappers.

Several discarded Google maps.

Or maybe a rotting food item…or twelve.

But what Jamie unearthed in the catacombs of his trunk rocked me to my core: an illustrated book entitled The Joy of Sensual Massage.

After drowning in a stupor of silence, I finally sputtered,

“Who gave you this this this this this PORNOGRAPHY?”

“You did. When we got married.”

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, Marriage

Summer Solsticing (and traumatizing) at Granby Ranch

June 30, 2008 By

A week ago, we attended Granby Ranch’s summer solstice. The resort went all out for this celebration that included fireworks, BBQs, chairlift rides, face painting, golf, crafts, a climbing wall, trampoline, massages, pony rides and mountain bike demos. To name a few.

We reallllly wanted to go on this trip because:

1) It sounded fun. Duh.
2) The following weekend would be our dreaded camping trip with the children and we wanted them to have at least one positive experience with the great outdoors. Even if it meant enjoying it from the great indoors of our slope-side condo.

If you’ve never been to Granby Ranch, you must not be a hip, nature-loving family with young children in Colorado because that is 90 percent of their audience. The other 9 percent consists of suicidal mountain bikers who barrel down the resort’s new mountain bike park. The remaining 1 percent? Toileting-papering, hike-traumatizing city folk like us.

One of our best–and worst–experiences was shortly after we arrived. Much to the delight of the children, we rode the chairlift to the summit. The plan was to then hike through the resort’s wildflower-laced meadows and sing “Climb [Down] Every Mountain in a scene reminiscent of the Von Trapp Family Singers.

Yeah, right.

Our children have been on the trail since they were six weeks old so they are well acquainted with the rigors of the backcountry. Just not the hazards of their father.

We were about halfway down when my husband Jamie proclaimed this place was where he nearly killed his father 20 years ago when he convinced him to forsake the bunny slope.

Hadley chose this Valley of Death to announce that she needed a break. Before I could object, Jamie spotted a grove of trees and proceeded to climb over an obstacle course of deadfall before plopping down on a log. Bravely, Hadley followed her daddy and within moments, she let out a death-defying screech. She had sliced up her hand on one of the logs.

Really, the damage of a few slivers was minor. But if you are four years old and there is no princess band-aid in sight, you think your life is O-V-E-R. I will spare you the sordid details of the rest of the hike but let’s just say it was replete with a few of her [Not-So] Favorite Things.

After a full day’s activities, we settled back on the deck listening to live music and enjoying a gourmet BBQ. As the evening progressed, the hilarious Jackman Brothers performed. At Bode’s insistence, I left to replenish his plate with even more food. Because evidently five ribs and countless chicken nuggets were not enough for our 1-year-old garbage disposal.

Upon our return, we made a very disturbing discovery:

Some would consider this to be my husband subjected to the humiliation of getting called up in front of hundreds of people for a corny toilet paper race.

Others—like my father-in-law and daughter—would call it Payback at Granby Ranch.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Colorado, Family travel, Jamie, outdoors, travel
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