A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of Crap

July 29, 2009 By

A note from The Lord of the Gourds regarding the outpouring of support for his now-dead pumpkin’s obituary:

THANK YOU.

Jamie had miraculously seen some signs of life even after the martyrdom but his dear pumpkins finally gave up the ghost yesterday and he cut them off the vine. (Click on the picture to see the extent of the hail-induced welts.)

If this was his pumpkin at only two weeks old, it’s a shame to imagine how big it would have grown a few months from now.

On a positive note, I am a pumpkin widow no more.

On a negative note, I now have a forlorned fella.

I just wish it could have ended differently along the lines of the Holy Ghost descending upon it and transfiguring it up to heaven.

No one wants to end this mortal existence by having the crap beaten out of you.

In other news, we have shifted from non-stop travel to being homebodies the next two weeks. The kids are enrolled in outdoor swim lessons.

During the only week it has been moderately chilly here in Denver this summer.

Hadley is doing great but I cannot stop laughing at Bode. He is a year younger and a foot shorter than everyone in his class. The first day, he followed along but had a “What the Crap” look on his face the entire time. Yesterday, he was “Chicken, Airplaning and Soldiering” with the best of them.


He is the albino on the right.

And I am the proud albino cheering him on from the sidelines.

Stay tuned next week for my updates on BlogHer and the Sara Lee Summit I attended in Chicago. Be sure to tell me how you’re spending the final weeks of summer!

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Jamie, pumpkins

R.I.P. Great Pumpkin

July 27, 2009 By

The unthinkable has happened: The Great Pumpkin never came.

Now, Jamie knows exactly how poor Linus felt in It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.

There will be no pumpkin parties.

There will be no weigh-offs.

And I am officially calling off Halloween altogether because what’s the point?

Sniff.

This is the before:


And this is after the tornado that hit our house.


Read the sad details here and be sure to leave my dear, sweet Linus your condolences.

==============

Allow me to dispel a rumor: I did not cause the horrible storm that ravaged Denver last week.

A few so-called friends have accused me of praying it here so as to wipe out my husband’s pumpkin growing season. For those not in the know, I have been christened “The Pumpkin Widow” because I am married to a man who is obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin.

Or rather, a man who was obsessed because after Monday’s storm, I am sad to say that The Great Pumpkin is no more.

In my defense, my children and I were 65 miles away sunning ourselves on the deck at Devil’s Thumb Ranch.

Oh wait. The storm occurred at night. I think I just blew my alibi.

When I awoke the morning after, I was greeted with a series of increasingly despondent emails from my husband Jamie who had remained behind for work.

First, a picture of golf-ball-sized hail. Then another of our yard showing the accumulation. The final was the heart-breaker: his completely obliterated pumpkin patch. Hundreds of hours of soil-testing, fertilizer-obsessing that he lovingly documented on his pumpkin blog–gone in just a matter of minutes.

Our home was near the epicenter of the action and our entire yard was destroyed as well. Fortunately, our house was spared from major damage but many of our neighbors were not so lucky. My heart goes out to those who are still dealing with the aftermath.

Calm before the storm

Calm before the storm

Earlier that day, I had received a jubilant email from him stating that his pumpkin’s circumference was already 30 inches around, just two weeks after pollination. The Great Pumpkin was on the cusp of gaining 30-40 pounds per day and was on track to top 1,000 pounds (200 pounds more than his previous season).

Rest assured, The Great Pumpkin lived and died with greatness. And thus it was: The birth of a storm, the death of a dream.

With a moving obituary like that, you can’t say I wasn’t supportive.

Note: In lieu of flowers, please send pumpkin seeds. :-)

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Jamie, pumpkins

Giving credit where credit is overdue

July 8, 2009 By

I love to tease Jamie on my blog. And for good reason: the man is obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin.

But where much is expected, much is given. And the man is a giver!

Every year he has surprised me with a romantic getaway. One year, it was a gorgeous cabin in Breckenridge. Last year, it was the St. Julien in Boulder.

This year, he told me he was dropping the kids off at Grandma’s and taking me on a date to Sabo Latino, a new-to-me restaurant in the funky Highlands neighborhood. An hour before we were supposed to leave, something happened that had me in a tizzy. In response, I got delusional and said we should just take the kids with us, to which Jamie shook me until the delirium disappeared.

The reason? When we were driving to dinner, he presented me with this:


Three clues for my personal scavenger hunt around town. I programmed each address into the GPS of the iPhone he surprised me with the week prior.

That alone discounts the excessive amount of time he spends in the pumpkin patch.

The first venue was indeed Sabo Latino as he had promised. The food was pretty good but I was through the moon when I discovered my foodie obsession that I developed on our Costa Rica honeymoon: plantains.


My next clue led me to our second activity: a couple’s massage at Indulgence’s Day Spa.


This photo was taken before he told me to “Shut Up.” Evidently, some people do not blabber on during their massage. Something about relaxation.

My final surprise blew me away: Jamie had arranged a slumber party with Grandma for the kids and took me to the Lumber Baron Inn & Gardens, a gorgeous B&B tucked away in the Highlands.


Did I feel guilty that he planned this romantic getaway, knowing that we have been taking a lot of family vacations lately? Certainly. But then I remembered our crummy winter that included The Lice, two months straight of illness and the immeasurable stress of starting our own web development business during it all.


And then I got over it.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Colorado, Family travel, Humor, Jamie, Marriage

May Days (not to be confused with MAYDAY)

May 5, 2009 By

I think Spring fever had hit many of us, judging from the lower number of visitors I’ve had and that many of you are updating your own blogs more infrequently. I have a very full plate this next month and here are a few things keeping me hoppin’:

My Bladder

It still gets me up at least twice a night.

Mile High Mamas Redesign

With the demise of our competitor The Rocky Mountain News, The Denver Post is soaring high. We are currently undergoing a redesign for Mile High Mamas that we hope will be relaunched by the end of the month. The Denver Newspaper Agency (which is responsible for the newspaper’s ads) is FINALLY getting on-board and is developing a marketing plan along with sponsorships and partners. I’m so thrilled everything is finally taking off and I’m been busy with fundraisers, meetings, events and even got asked to lead a round-table discussion for the Boulder Chamber of Commerce later in the month.

Yeah. I’m still laughing about that, too.

Haddie’s Birthday on May 25th

The kid is obsessed with The Incredibles so that will be our theme. She informed me last week my hair bears an alarming resemblance to Syndrome’s. Forget boring ol’ Elastagirl. I’ll be traumatizing all the kiddos with Syndrome’s villainous laugh. And killer hair.

Pixo Inc.

A few months ago, Jamie launched his own web development business, Pixo Web Design and Strategy. Things are going great and he has made some intelligent business partnerships that bring in even more work. Let me know if you can think of anyone who needs a needs a Web site; I’m always happy to pimp him out. I love having him work from home and don’t miss his big paycheck at all.

At least for now. :-)

Staycations

Between the Swine Flu and the economy, a lot of people will be staying closer to home this summer. We’re no exception so I decided to make myself a professional “staycationer” and we are going to do a whirlwind tour of Colorado. Some trips I have in the works: The Broadmoor, The Crested Butte Musical Festival, Steamboat Springs, YMCA of the Rockies and Chatataqua in Boulder.

As always, I will be documenting our many mishaps along the way. Because let’s face it: when have any of my vacations ever gone smoothly?

The Truth Revealed

Bad luck runs in the family. That is the only possible way to explain it. A few examples:

The Infection
My brother Pat and his wife Jane have spent the last couple of months getting SCUBA-certified so they could go on a diving trip to Honduras for their 20-year anniversary. This is the first time they’ve traveled abroad. Ever. They have been living and breathing this trip for ages. Then Pat got an ear infection so was unable to dive. You know: the entire reason they went to Honduras in the first place.

The Illness
We have been encouraging my parents to travel while they still can so they booked a trip to Mexico a couple of weeks ago. The week prior to departure, my mom took a turn for the worst and only my dad was able to go while my sister-in-laws and nieces stayed behind with my poor mom.

The Swine
The only place Jamie’s parents ever travel is Utah. His grandpa recently surprised all his children and spouses with a Mexican cruise. This is the first time Jamie’s folks have ever left the country and have been busily shopping for their beach vacation and getting passports. Enter: swine flu. Their Mexican cruise was canceled and they will instead be going to Seattle.

Nothing against Seattle but it’s not exactly [virgin] pina coladas on the beach.

OK, maybe “mayday” may be in order after all….

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Colorado, Family travel, Humor, Jamie

Dream follow-up: what’re you dreaming about?

April 19, 2009 By

One of the “worse” aspects of the “better or worse” marriage covenant for Jamie is having to hear about my dreams. Not the visions of someday living in a house with a white-picket fence but rather, the ones about how I dreamed I rode to a desert island in a shark’s mouth.

Those kind of dreams.

I have very vivid dreams every night. A few times they have translated into gripping nightmares or deeply spiritual experiences. Last year, I wrote how I dreamed about my friend’s ailing mother whom I had never met. The dream was so lucid that I woke up in the middle of the night to drop him an email, letting him know I was thinking about them. I found out the next morning his mom had passed away around the same time as my dream.

Before you think I am some kind of soothsayer, let me assure you that most of the time my dreams follow the same pattern: psychosis.

Case in point: I recently dreamed I was racing my leprechaun teammates from Lucky Charms and I was freaking out because I was the only Big Person.

Could happen.

Jamie has endured such absurdities many times before, only this time he chose to indulge me and came home with a box of this:

lucky charms

One morning I returned home from working out to find my daughter Hadley on the verge of tears.

“What’s wrong?”

“Daddy won’t give me apple juice for breakfast!”

“Jamie, why didn’t you give her apple juice for breakfast? You know it is the only time of day she is allowed to have it.”

“Amber, I know that. But I am sick of her only drinking her apple juice and never eating her cereal.”

I looked down at her bowl of the cereal he was trying to push to better her health.

“You gave her LUCKY CHARMS.”

“And she’d better eat every last bite.”

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

“P” is for Painful, Pumpkin and Patch

April 13, 2009 By

It is officially pumpkin season.

Of course, “pumpkin season” is year-round when you are married to a man who is obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin. From the moment Jamie cut his 755-pound pumpkin from the vine last year, his thoughts turned to his new patch. He stalked Craigslist and reacted faster than Pavlov’s dog whenever anyone offered free compost. He raised worms in our garage (after my adamant protest against our basement). He built a pumpkin genetics Web site and updated his pumpkin blog, took various soil tests, and swapped seeds with growers around the world.

Like I said: a year-round obsession.

As I already documented, I went into the children’s playroom in the basement a few weeks ago and noticed a strange glow coming from the closet. In a Poltergeist-esque manner, I threw open the door, only to discover a makeshift greenhouse he called “The Grow Room.”

Law enforcement officers: I can assure you that he is only growing test pumpkins.

At least that is his claim.

Our winter has not been without its share of drama such as when when he realized some compost he received had sodium levels high enough to render the patch toxic. Or when he lost our 2-year-old son at the pumpkin patch (or in his words: momentary misplaced.)

He is mere weeks away from planting his seeds. The culmination of all his efforts will be at the Rocky Mountain Giant Vegetable Growers weigh-off at the end of September where he hopes his pumpkin will tip the scale at over 1,000 pounds. The Colorado record is held by Wheat Ridge dentist Joe Sherber at 1,135 pounds.

Last year, we also attended our local harvest festival. We did not enter because 1) have you ever tried to repeatedly move a 755-pound pumpkin? 2) His pumpkin outweighed the winner by 400 pounds and would have broken their small scale.

Minor details.

Jamie did, however, capitalize on the situation. I was amused to see him distributing his pumpkin business cards (because evidently every giant pumpkin grower should have them). I may have some made up for myself this season as well:

Amber Johnson
Pumpkin Widow

Because misery is looking for company.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

Our Story of Easter, Cancer and Rebirth

April 5, 2009 By

Jamie has been cancer-free for 10 years.

He had recently graduated from college and had started his own consulting firm when a lump starting forming on his neck. It disappeared after a week but night-sweats and flu-like symptoms emerged. And then the lump returned.

He tried a few home remedies to no avail and finally sought medical attention. After Jamie described his symptoms, the doctor said, “I think it could be either mono or cancer. And I don’t think it is cancer.”

He was wrong.

Jamie was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Disease, cancer of the lymph nodes. When detected early, the survival rate is 80%. Like all cancers, later-stage prognosis is deadly. He was single, without insurance and living in Utah, far away from his family.

His doctor told him to apply for Medicare. He was initially denied. Miraculously, he was eventually able to get on programs for which she should not have qualified and his medical expenses were covered.

But then came his personal expenses. No longer able to work, Jamie faced a very bleak, daunting future. Amidst all this turmoil, he received a call from Tom Sawyer, an influential local businessman. Tom had risen above a horrific childhood to play football for LSU, become an engineer, work on the Eagle Lander for NASA, and by accident got into politics and landed in the White House as a trusted aide for Presidents Nixon and Reagan.

He is also a cancer survivor.

Jamie had met him only once before as they both assisted their Japanese friend Yodi with becoming an American citizen.

Tom invited Jamie to his office and upon arrival said, “Jamie, let me be straight with you. I hear you need some help. Tell me about your situation.” Jamie reluctantly divulged his circumstances, to which Tom queried, “How much do you need to get through the next month?”

Initially, Jamie refused but then realized this was an answer to prayers and he gave him a number. Tom told him to come by his office the next day and he would give him a check. The next day, Jamie showed up and Tom handed him a check for twice the amount they had discussed. Jamie pointed this out to him and he brusquely said, “Yeah, I know.”

The pattern persisted. Each month, Tom called Jamie to his office. Each conversation ended the same: “Come into my office tomorrow and I will have a check waiting for you.” This lasted the duration of his chemotherapy and radiation treatments and Jamie’s cancer has never returned.

Last week, I had moments of serious refection as people very close to me suffered deeply. With immense gratitude, I looked at my life, my marriage, my children, my home. I looked at the path we have taken. It has rarely been smooth or perfect. Times may be tough but we are fortunate to not be riddled with debt and recognize the miracles we have experienced to bring us where we are today.

This time of year, millions of people celebrate Easter as a time of resurrection and new beginnings.

Today, I am grateful for the man who gave us ours.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Health, Jamie Tagged With:

Relationship dynamics–what are yours?

February 9, 2009 By

This may come as a surprise to you but I can be high-strung.

Or maybe this is not so shocking to those who know me.

I married a great man who is easy going. I have known from the get-go part of what makes our relationship work so well is how we balance each other out.

* I blog.

* I love eating pumpkin.

* He grows giant pumpkins.

* He blogs about his pumpkins.

See? Match made in heaven.

But it wasn’t until our recent ski trip to Keystone that I had an epiphany about it all. We had arrived at the resort and were unloading the car to check-in. As usual, I was stressed about something. Because that is what I do. And as usual, he tried to calm me down.

I have just accepted that this is the dynamic of our marriage. Sometimes I am appreciative. Other times, it annoys me. What if I don’t want to calm down? What if I am completely validated in freaking out over this?

But last week, I was struck with gratitude that he always talks me off the ledge. And I wondered what my life would be like if I married someone who was not a calming influence in my life. Someone who fueled the fire instead of harmoniously extinguishing the flames.

It would not be pretty.

I have been in relationships like that. I once dated a guy who was exactly like me. I know–it is alarming that this is possible. His strengths were my strengths, his weaknesses were the same. We were both journalists, loved the outdoors and were passionate souls ready to conquer the world. In the beginning, we were on such a high–we were the perfect match. I was so thrilled: I was dating myself!

But then we hit the wall. We didn’t compliment each other in the least. We didn’t learn from one another nor grow together.

And then I woke up with dread one morning: I was dating myself.

Worst. Thing. Ever.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

Unsolved Mysteries:The Costa Rica Honeymoon Edition

January 28, 2009 By
In just a few weeks, my beloved James and I will celebrate our six-year anniversary. We have certainly had our fair share of crazy moments but the one that has kept me up at nights in a stupor of thought occurred shortly after we were married.

You see, Jamie and I spent our honeymoon in Costa Rica. Ma honey did an impeccable job planning our entire trip. We started at the Magellan Inn in Cahuita. With its deserted beaches on the Caribbean ocean and gorgeous grounds, this was the perfect newlywed spot.

Well, if it weren’t for the “chastity” beds they had pushed together instead of just springing for a queen-sized bed.

From there, it was onto Poas Volcano Lodge where we scaled volcanos and hiked through La Paz Butterfly Gardens. Oh, and I fell in love with plantains and a roadside stand’s creme de leche, those two things alone accounted for my 30-lbs weight gain during our honeymoon.


Half-way into our trip, we were supposed to spend a night camping in the rain forest but had to cancel when Jamie hit a purple and pink bus that caused a huge traffic jam in downtown San Jose.

But I’m not allowed to talk about that.

Now, onto the mystery. The last area we stayed was Tabacan, a five-star resort located at the base of Arenal Volcano in Northern Costa Rica. Tabacan had 12 natural thermal hot springs, with grounds that were littered with lagoons and waterfalls. From our private porch, we could watch the lava flowing from the volcano. Bottom line: it was surreal and gorgeous.

One afternoon, we decided to go on a long hike to a waterfall. Not wanting to bring our newly-minted wedding rings, we took them off and I hid them in the bottom of my make-up bag. When we returned a few hours later, they were gone.

We immediately reported the theft to the manager. He asked if housekeeping had come by and we responded affirmatively. We were on our way to dinner and he said he would look into it. A couple of hours later, he appeared at out table. He showed us the room report of all the key swipes:

1) The maid
2) Us
3) Manager
4) Manager

He said he had talked to housekeeping and they denied the charge. He then defended them, saying they had been at the resort a long time and they have never had any problems. He left and we resolved to go to the police the next morning.

Until we went back to our room. There, very strategically placed behind two glasses in the bathroom, were our rings. They were obviously planted there when we were at dinner.

So, Super Sleuths, what sayest ye? Who done it and was the manager in on the crime? Have you ever had anything stolen from a hotel?

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, travel

The economic downturn hits home

December 17, 2008 By

If I were to look back on 2008, I would it was the year of ebbs and tides. Our little family has had a multitude of blessings and not a day has passed that I did not feel infinitely blessed. That I kissed and snugged them. That I laughed at their antics and marveled at who they are becoming.

But this has also been the year of job stress.

Jamie’s consulting gig recently came to an abrupt halt when his client (who has been past due on hundreds of thousands of dollars) declared bankruptcy. To make ends meet, Jamie’s boss had been paying him out-of-pocket to keep him around until other clients pulled through but guess what: bankruptcy is a deal breaker. Not being able to make payroll, they had to let Jamie go. They will bring him back when new clients sign on. But with the problematic economy, we don’t know if/when that will happen.

A little summary of 2008:

February–Jamie thrown under the bus and laid off by incompetent Senior VP. Receives three-month severance.
March–Applies for Unemployment Insurance. Company denies it. Goes to court vs. former boss. Jamie wins the case it was determined he was let go without just cause. Company realizes the problem was with former boss, not Jamie. She is fired.
April–Jamie starts great consulting gig.
October–Up for VP position with stock. Then came the economic downturn. Pending clients refuse to sign on until the market changes. Small company feeling pressure.

And then there is the now. This time around, I am not in as much shock. I just feel tired and worried he will not be able to find anything in this crummy economy. I don’t care if he makes the big bucks. I just want security.

Is there even such a thing anymore?

Jamie’s parents dropped a bombshell: they want to sell their house and move to Utah. Fortunately, everything is on hold and we are relieved. If they were like many in-laws, I would willingly show them the door. But they’re not. They are the most important people in our lives and I don’t know what we will do without them. Our two main reasons for being in Colorado were them and a good job.

This recent development has expanded our job searches to out-of-state.

This is a tough one for me to say. I love Colorado. I love our home we have slaved over. And I love our life most of all. Of course, moving is a last resort but I keep reminding myself that a house is just a house and we will find friends and adventure anywhere we go.That if we are going to move, now would be a great time while the kids are young. I just hate the uncertainty.

On a positive note, recent developments have not affected our Christmas spirit. On the contrary. The lights seem so much brighter, my children more delightful and the true meaning of the holiday burns deep. It hasn’t been about focusing on what we do not have but rather, what we have. And we have a lot. I only need to turn on the news to see there are many people much worse off than us.

This Christmas, I will be counting my blessings.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: holidays, issues, Jamie
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