The beginning of The End

April 22, 2010 By

Pumpkin season has begun.

Jamie announced last Sunday that our FHE activity for Monday night would be planting the pumpkin seeds.

Three of the four of us were excited.

I will let you guess who among us was not.

I psyched myself out for the pilgrimage to the pumpkin patch for the ceremonial planting. But silly me for assuming that planting means putting the seed into the ground. No, my friends, the Lord of the Gourds had a long, drawn-out plan in the following steps:

1) Sanded the edges of the seeds then soaked the seeds in warm water for 2 hours with a touch of liquid seawood.

But of course, adding the liquid seawood is a no-brainer that you already knew.

2) Took warm and damp paper towel and wrapped it around the seed and put it in an area that is 85-90 degrees. He did this for two reasons: a) He could check to see if the tap roots had come out, which means it’s germinated and b) He can control the moisture that is in contact with the seed. The seed responds well to the paper towel because it actually thinks the paper towel is dirt.

Evidently, pumpkins are more stupid than I thought.

3) Once the tap roots have come out, it is put in seed-starting soil. Jamie will keep it in a warm, well-lit area (read: sketchy grow room) until it is time to plant outdoors late-April. And even then, he will build a hoop house around it to protect his precious plant until the elements warm up

This is the road just to get it in the ground.

Pray for me when pumpkin season officially begins.

Be sure to following Jamie at DenverPumpkins.com for the technical how-tos. If you’re just tuning into the saga, Jamie is obviously obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin. Find out how it began in Sordid Secrets and the Husbands Who Keep Them.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

How garage doors result in the downfall of marriage

April 19, 2010 By

My family spent Spring Break in Utah. The children and I flew out several days before my husband who later joined us to ski Park City Mountain Resort.

Jamie is good at many things: growing giant pumpkins. Calming me down when I set the oven on fire.

Remembering to feed the cat is not one of them.

My children and I spent 10 days in Canada last winter, during which time our new cat Remy a.k.a. “Fat Kitty” was put on a forced diet due to Jamie’s negligence.

Call me crazy but “Skinny Kitty” just doesn’t have the same ring.

This time around, Jamie’s one responsibility was to take our garage remote control over to our neighbor Jean’s (we don’t do keys at our house) so she could let herself in to feed the cat. I’ll admit it: I was paranoid he’d forget. Our neighbor is in the middle of tax season so I forewarned him not to leave it until the last minute because she’s difficult to catch at home.

There may have been nagging loving reminders involved.

I’m not sure what happened next. Jamie had two garage remote controls at his disposal. He took one to Jean’s. With one to spare, he still somehow managed to lock himself out of the house for several hours until Jean came home.

Even though I was hundreds of miles away, I got blamed.

This is not unlike an unfortunate incident that occurred at my brother Pat’s house. He and his wife Jane were going to Costco to refill their large water jugs. At the last minute, Jane asked her daughter and two grandchildren to come, a process that added an extra 15 minutes to the process.

Like me, patience is not a virtue for my brother. He paced around the house before declaring he was going to put the containers in the car. He popped the trunk, loaded two jugs and waited for Jane to come with the third.

More time passed. Impatience grew. Exasperated, he backed out of the garage to get a head start. This would have been a sound strategy.

Except he forgot he had left the trunk open.

It did not survive.

Upon hearing the loud crash, Jane raced out to the garage to find my brother’s shaved, beet-red head bulging with fury.

“YOU IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” he sputtered.
“We’re idiots? Why is this our fault?” Jane and her daughter were on the floor laughing.
“THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU HADN’T TAKEN SO LONG IN THE HOUSE!!!”

And so the pattern continues. Wife absent. Husband screws up. Wife still gets blamed.

So, let’s hear it. Have you ever been used as your significant other’s scapegoat?

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Family, Humor, Jamie, Marriage

No longer just The Pumpkin Widow

April 14, 2010 By

Jamie just got called to the Bishopric in our ward.

For the non-Mormon readers of this blog, roughly translated this means I am now a widow.

In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we have non-paid clergy. A Bishop is called to preside over our congregation of roughly 200-400 members. Two counselors are called to the Bishopric and various responsibilities are delegated to them as they assist in the spiritual and temporal welfare of our ward.

Between time-consuming Sunday meetings, the Bishopric attends various activities and events during the week. Jamie will be heavily involved in Scouting. This would have been a dream come true when I was a wee lassie and in love with all the Scouts in my ward.

It’s a bummer Hadley is too young to reap the benefits.

We have known about Jamie’s new assignment for a couple of weeks but it was not made public until Sunday. A counselor from the stake presidency made the announcement and told him to “say good-bye to your wife and children and come join us here on the stand.”

The counselor later joked he meant for the duration of the meeting (and all subsequent meetings) but not indefinitely.

At least I think he was joking.

There was one thing that troubled Jamie about the assignment and I knew exactly what it was: time. He’s already been putting in long hours growing his web development business. Add to that the start of pumpkin season and a nagging wife who gently reminds him of his family responsibilities and he’s already been feeling overwhelmed.

Something’s gotta give.

And I was kinda maybe hoping it would be large and orange.

“We’re going to have to tighten up our budget,” he proclaimed.

His solution is to work less.

And not in the pumpkin patch.

It was my first test as The Good Wife and I passed. I smiled, nodded and thought I could surely only visit Target once a week instead of daily.

And then there is the issue of my behavior. After Stake President Jones asked Jamie if he would accept this new assignment and he agreed, I queried,

“Does this mean I have to be good now?”

I, of course, didn’t listen to the answer.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, LDS

Possibly my best line ever to deter the children from asking me to do something when I’m busy

April 8, 2010 By


“Mommmmy, I need help.”

“Don’t call me ‘Mommy.’ Call me ‘Daddy.’”

“Huh? OK, Daddy, I need help.”

“I’m not Daddy. You can go find him downstairs.”

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Humor, Jamie

Canadian Moose At Its Best

March 21, 2010 By

I’m not sure what is most disturbing about this picture Jamie sent me when he was in Niagara.

1) That he entitled it “Even Moose Pee.”
2) Or that he covertly photographed Said Moose at the urinal.

Can a moose sue for invasion of privacy?

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

The Scoreboard of Marriage

March 16, 2010 By

It’s official: I survived five days as a single parent.

I’d even say I thrived as the children and I played at my happy place (R.E.I.), threw rocks into the Platte River, indulged in Little Man Ice Cream, played at the playground, went on daily bike rides, rolled down the hill at Confluence Park, went to a St. Patrick’s Day Parade, saw Planet 51, attended church, made a cake in our Easy-Bake Oven, roller-bladed and picnicked in Washington Park, ate at Cafe Rio, frolicked at drop-in gymnastics and shopped. A lot.

Evidently, I have an aversion to being home when my husband is gone.

Oh wait. I’m always like that.

And where was the Lord of the Gourds? He was in Niagara at a giant pumpkin-growing convention.

Yes, you heard correctly. His people meet annually to discuss, welp growing giant pumpkins.

And evidently other exciting things such as “watching the youngest grower to ever receive an Orange Jacket take her place in history with her NEW WORLD RECORD Pumpkin.”

This is exciting stuff, people.

I encouraged Jamie to go. Mostly because I knew he’d have a blast and partly because I felt guilty about how much I’ve been traveling. We now have a 12-day break before we head back to Utah to visit family and ski Park City Mountain Resort for Spring Break.

That’s a lot of travel, even for a family travel writer.

This is the first time Jamie and I have had back-to-back trips without each other and it’s been tough. While we generally don’t keep score in our marriage, we kind of did this time around.

“Jamie, I think you owe me after leaving me alone for five days with the kids.”
“Are you kidding me? What about the 10 days you were gone for the Olympics?”"
“Your mom was here for eight of those days. On the others, I arranged play dates.”
“And your trip to Park City last week? You were gone for 3.5 days.”
“The kids were in school for part of it, I coordinated two play dates and your sister Lisa took the kids for most of Saturday.”
“That still leaves a lot of hours. You were gone a total of 13.5 days and I was only out of town for five.”

Bottom line is he is probably right but who’s counting?

Oh wait. Evidently, we are.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Colorado, Jamie, Marriage, pumpkins, travel

Happy Anniversary to My Love!

February 15, 2010 By

Jamie and I are celebrating our seven-year anniversary today.


(Our engagement photo back when we were young, spry and well-rested).

Even though there is nowhere else I’d rather be right now, there is one person I’d always rather be with.


Happy anniversary to my beloved Lord of the Gourds!

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Jamie

Olympic Party All the Time!

February 9, 2010 By

The past week has been really overwhelming. I’ve had complete strangers congratulating me about the contest and media interviews with Channel 2, FOX 31, The Denver Post, Arvada Press, KOA radio the Mormon Times and more. Even though 5-year-old Hadley usually basks in the limelight, when I told her she was going to be in the newspaper, she exasperatingly said,

“What? AGAIN?!”

The kid leads a tough life.

During an interview with the Denver Westword when I was still pandering for votes, I told them I would throw a big Olympic party if I won.

I also said I’d go to Disneyland.

One out of two ain’t bad because I threw a party for about 30 of my closest friends on Saturday night. I kept it low-maintenance: Jamie showed off his old-fashioned soda fountain and made root beer floats. We ate gold medal cookies and these glorious bacon goodies that I left simmering in the oven for an hour too long but they were still yummy.

At the last minute, I bought a huge veggie tray from Costco because you know, no one brings veggie trays to parties.

Except for the other four people who brought the same thing.

Evidently, I need less health-conscious friends and more bacon.

We played Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games, I showcased my new Acer Timeline Computer with Microsoft Office ’10, and some of the men watched Star Trek on Jamie’s big-screen TV. It was a fun evening and I was grateful to be surrounded by such good people.

Especially the ones who made new discoveries about my own home, like my friend Angella’s 2-year-old son.

Her: “Gavin was really excited to find the sandbox in your house!”
Me: “Ummm…we don’t have a sandbox in the house.

Turns out, it was the kitty litter box.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, Olympics

Olympic questions answered and YOUR Olympic questions needed!

February 4, 2010 By

I’ve had so many emails asking about my trip to the Olympics next week that I haven’t been able to keep up with all the requests.

Don’t worry, Mom. I will eventually call you back.

So without further ado….

Q: How long will you be at the Olympics?

A: I will be there for 10 days. I leave on February 11 and return on the 20 (my birthday!) It could be my best birthday ever.

Of course, I got lice on my birthday last year. It doesn’t get much worse than that.

Q: Where will you be blogging?

A: I will be blogging from right here! Be sure to subscribe to my feed or enter your email in the right-hand sidebar to get my posts delivered to your inbox. I promise to make them a fun behind-the-scenes glimpse at the Olympics. I will be publishing at least one post a day, sometimes more.

Also, follow my play-by-play updates on Twitter. I recently had someone make the following comment: “Amber, reading your travel tweets is like watching a Chevy Chase Vacation movie.”

I totally took it as a compliment.

Q: What was your husband Jamie’s reaction when you won?

A: We were both really excited. However after the initial rejoicing, he stopped and said, “Wait. You’re leaving me alone for 10 days with the kids? Why do I feel like I just lost The Biggest Loser?

Q: What are you going to do with the kids?

A: We are flying Jamie’s mom out from Utah to help for seven days. There is, however, a complication. Jamie’s sister Tammy live in Salt Lake City and is due with twin girls a mere two weeks after. We have been anxiously waiting for these little angels to arrive for seven years.

But Jamie and I have now banned them from coming early.

Q: How long have you known you were the winner?

A: I received the call just a few days before Christmas. I then had to sign numerous notarized documents avowing I wouldn’t say a word until the official announcement. It was tough for a blabbermouth like me to keep the secret, especially when I had so many supportive friends asking me for updates.

Q: Why did the official announcement take so long?

A: Microsoft Office had originally hoped to fly us out to the Today show to make the announcement. But Haiti happened that same week so we got bumped. The official press release is here and this one is a feature story they wrote about the two winners.

Q: What will you be doing there?

A: Good question! I am still waiting for my official itinerary, which I will be sure to post here. What I do know: I will be one of the first to try out the new USOC press site and will work alongside Team USA to blog about the U.S. Team using top-of-the-line technology including:

§ Acer Aspire 4810 laptop

§ Microsoft Office 2010 Professional beta

§ Microsoft phone (HTC HD2)

Even though I’ve known about it for more than a month, I am still pinching myself for this dream come true!

==================

And now I’m turning the tables to YOU! I will be interviewing so many inspiring athletes at the Games. What questions would you ask (they can be as basic or creative as you want). Who would you like to meet?

Tomorrow is my first interview: I am talking to Olympic speed skating legend (FIVE GOLD MEDALS) and mom Bonnie Blair. Please send any questions my way. I will post the interview on Monday.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, Olympics

Life With Three Children

January 7, 2010 By

Kid #1: Hadley

Every year, our church puts on a Nativity pageant for the community. In years past, it has been a pretty low-key event with beautiful music and a reenactment of the story of Jesus’ birth. This year, they upped the ante to make it more professional. They pre-recorded all the speaking parts, had a killer sound system and beautiful Christmas music playing in the background.

I was impressed.

Several of my peers were cast in the various roles and they lip synced their lines. At times, they came across a bit stoically but overall they did a great job in this amateur production.

Hadley, the future theatre critic, did not share our sentiments. Near the conclusion while the rest of us were moved by the spirit of the evening, Hadley turned to Jamie and very loudly asked:

“Is that the best they can do?”

=============================
Kid #2: The Son

My neighbors are looking into a preschool for their son Gavin. They recently asked me how I like Bode’s school and if I recommend it. I mentioned it to Bode.

“Bode, guess what? Gavin might be attending your preschool!”
“Which Gavin?”
“Our neighbor.”
“I know three Gavins!”
“Really? Who are they?”
“Well, their names are Gavin, Gavin and Gavin!”

============================

Kid #3: The Father

Before we were married, Jamie was addicted to a little show the nation loves called The Simpson’s. I am not among the populace of adoring fans and cringe at the thought of my children watching its crude humor.

So imagine how thrilled I was when I discovered father and daughter guffawing along with Bart.

“No, no, no!” I objected. “It’s bad enough YOU have to watch it but to expose our innocent child to Homer?”

“Honey,” Jamie reasoned. “Studies have shown that children can actually learn more by watching The Simpson’s than Barney. Of course, the backlash of this study is the things they subsequently learned are morally wrong.”

=======================

Addendum: Once upon a time, the following conversation was overheard while Jamie watched Chevy Chase’s Vacation with 3-year-old Hadley.

“Daddy, what are they doing?”

“Looking for a place to dispose of the body, Sweetie.”

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Family, Hadley, holidays, Humor, Jamie
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