Jamie: King of the One-liners

October 14, 2010 By

Jamie has been going to the same hair stylist for a number of years and his haircuts have always been the same.

Until yesterday.

His normally-short hair was light and, dare I say….

“Jamie, your new hairstyle is kinda….errr…fluffy.”

“What? Are you worried about competition?”

==================

Last week, we caught the tail end of an investigative report on Catfish, a new movie about Internet dating deceptions. As many of you know, Jamie and I met online and our courtship was speedy: we were married within six months of that initial email.

For that reason, my family was understandably a bit wary and my brother Pat even gave Jamie this movie for Christmas:

It was his version of a “Welcome to the Family” gift.

As Jamie and I watched the unbelievable web of deceit unfold in Catfish, I decided to play along.

“Jamie, I have a huge confession that I’ve been holding onto for the past eight years of our marriage.”

“Oh yeah? What is it?”

“I’m not who I have claimed to be.”

“Good.”

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, Marriage

The (Pumpkin) Party’s Over

October 12, 2010 By

For most (normal) people, pumpkin season is just beginning. Last weekend marked the end of ours.

On Friday, a woman dropped something off at our house. “Wow, that’s a big pumpkin!” she exclaimed, referring to the kids’ 208-pounder at our doorstep.

I looked at her, puzzled. “You must have somehow missed my husband’s pumpkin?”

I walked her out to the driveway where I pointed out James’ beast. “That,” I said pointing to the kids’ pumpkin, “is not a pumpkin. THIS is a pumpkin.”

Crocodile Dundee would have been proud.

On Saturday, my kids entered their orange beast in our city’s giant pumpkin contest. Despite the fact Jamie’s pumpkins are now too large to enter, we continue to be supportive because that is where his obsession began three years ago.

Or maybe they should harbor part of the blame.

Jamie is a bit of a local celebrity. When we pulled up, a throng of local gardeners clamored around to see what their beloved Jamie had brought. Several others pulled me aside, raving how much he has done to help inspire and instruct other growers.

It was like hanging out with Elvis in Vegas.

The festival’s giant pumpkin weigh-off has come a long way. Once upon a time, Jamie’s 141.5-pound pumpkin won. This year the bar was raised. Throngs of people gathered to watch an elated Lori Fontyn win the adult division with a 360-pounder and my kids won the junior division.


The kids’ prize was a $50 gift certificate for a local garden center.

It’s tough to say who was the real winner because Jamie insisted we stop on the way home to buy $50 worth of gypsum and soil sulfur.

Because, rest assured, soil prep for the 2011 season has already begun.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

The party, the trip and the pumpkin (in that order)

October 4, 2010 By

The Party
October has kicked off in typical Canuck fashion: chaos. On Wednesday, I hosted a Mile High Mamas party at the Denver Museum of Nature & Science to showcase their new Amazon exhibit.

The Trip
Thursday and Friday, I flew to California courtesy of Nintendo for a focus group with some of their other ambassadors. While there, we got to preview Wii Party, a board-game-esque with over 80 hilarious mini-games. It’s such a hoot that I’ve resolved to buy two extra Wii remotes so our entire family can play it. I’m sure Bode will be first in line.

Well, except it doesn’t involve his beloved Mario.
(The ladies in attendance: Amber from Nintendo, Gwen Bell, me, Janet, Marsha, Sizzle, Denise, Julie, Tracey Clark, Justine, Nintendo staff.)

The Pumpkin
I arrived home around midnight on Friday and Saturday was the weigh-off for pumpkin #2. As much fun as it was to hang out in the hot sun for four hours last weekend, I told Jamie to call us when his pumpkin was close to being weighed. He did just that 45 minute prior so I loaded up the troops and headed way up north.

I underestimated the amount of time it would take to get there and that Jamie would actually have gas in his car (he had borrowed my SUV to haul the pumpkin).

Here’s the thing about my dearly beloved: the man enjoys driving with only 1/4 of a tank of gas. It literally drives me nuts whenever I borrow his car because I have to waste time to get gas.

Only this time, there was no time.

Jamie called when we were an hour into our drive and close to nowhere.

“Where are you? My pumpkin is about to be weighed”
“Stall them. We’re not close and I have to stop for gas.”
“If you stop for gas, you’ll miss the whole thing.”

Then panic set in. I was driving unfamiliar roads and Jamie had to talk me through the process. I had already showed the children my below-empty gauge and told them to say a little prayer so we wouldn’t run out of gas.

If it worked for the loaves and fishes, it could work for multiplying the properties of petroleum.

Bode started freaking out, chanting “GAS STATION GAS STATION” over and over.

We arrived (barely running on gas fumes) just as Jamie’s pumpkin was being loaded up. We raced out of the car, all the while muttering about the nightmare it was to get there. Who on earth would live in this forsaken place?

Amy of Crunchy Domestic Goddess, that’s who.

She lives just down the road, saw the sign for the giant pumpkin weigh-off and figured I would probably be there.

Sad but very true.

In the end, Jamie’s second pumpkin weighed in at a respectable 868 pounds and his buddy Pete set a new Colorado state record: 1,306 lbs.


Both impressive but not nearly as exciting as the build-up to get there.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

A Tale of Two Pumpkins

September 29, 2010 By

Saturday was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Jamie had high hopes for this season and at one point, his pumpkin, “Redemption Boy,” was on track to weigh 1,100 pounds.

Until its growth started tanking in September.

In the end, Jamie hoped to just break 1,000 pounds, which would have been very possible because it was measuring out to weigh around 955 pounds.

In giant-pumpkin growing, pumpkins can either go “light” or “heavy” in either direction. It is impossible to know which way it will skew until it finally hits the scales.

Jared’s Nursery hosts the weigh-off and has beefed up the event to also include a Fall Festival with goodies such as a haunted house, obstacle course, s’mores, food and face painting.


Jamie is part of the Rocky Mountain Giant Vegetable Growers Group that organizes the event. In addition to giant pumpkins, there were also pears, watermelon and squash so freakishly large you’d swear you had been plunked onto the set of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.



Anticipation was high when it was time for Jamie’s pumpkin to get weighed in.


Well, for some of us. In Bode’s defense, Super Mario passes the time when you’re stuck in the hot sun for four hours.

Like a nervous new papa, Jamie watched as they loaded up his pumpkin and placed it on the Biggest Loser-esque scale.

Only on this scale, you want big numbers.

Unfortunately for Jamie, he didn’t get them. His pumpkin went 16% light and only weighed in at 820 pounds.


This is still impressive and his personal best but he was visibly disappointed his pumpkin did not break 1,000 pounds. However, he still has another pumpkin to be weighed at yet another competition this weekend.

Such is my life during the fall.

The kids entered their pumpkin as well. Shockingly,their 208.5-pound pumpkin not only won but it set a new Colorado state record in the children’s division.

Bode was busy scoring five goals (!) at his soccer game so Hadley was their sole representative. However a few minutes prior to the awards ceremony, her upper left leg got stung by a bee rendering her incapable of walking. Or so she thought.

When her name was called, Hadley dramatically limped to the stage, further augmenting the cheers as I’m sure people thought “How amazing that little invalid girl grew that big pumpkin!” She even forced a smile. She is, after all, a crowd-pleaser.


And I may-or-may-not have threatened her to do so.


What prizes did the kids win for such an accomplishment?

A membership into the Rocky Mountain Giant Vegetable Growers Group and a bag of fertilizer. Oh, and a club T-shirt that should have read:

I won the state title and all I got was some cow dung and this crappy T-shirt.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

It’s a Denver Pumpkin Parrrrrrrrr-tay!

September 28, 2010 By

If you hate pumpkins, do not return to this blog until after October. Wait. Even after all the pumpkin parties and the weigh-offs, there is fall soil prep, winter seed obsession and it starts all over again with spring planting.

If you don’t like pumpkins, you simply will not like this blog.

Or cool chicks who spray-paint orange streaks in their hair for the festivities.

It has been a whirlwind week of pumpkins and more pumpkins that is best documented in pictures.

Friday was our 2nd Annual Big Pumpkin Party.


When my blogging bud JoAnn told someone she was going to a big pumpkin party, her friend commented it sounded like a huge crowd.

“No,” she replied. “I mean a BIG PUMPKIN party.”

And that it was.

But it was also big as in “a whole lotta people in attendance.” We estimate we had around 80-100 people stop by.

This year, I requested that guests bring their favorite pumpkin treat and lo did they deliver.

We had pumpkin gingerbread trifle, cakes, fudge, pies, crisp, ice cream, cookies and the crowd favorite: pumpkin egg rolls.

In addition to eating Everything Pumpkin, the itinerary at a Big Pumpkin Party consisted of cutting the pumpkins off the vine and hauling them. We started with Haddie and Bode’s pumpkin.



Next was the bigger challenge: Redemption Boy. And yes, Jamie names his pumpkins. This nomenclature was in reference to his pumpkin that got wiped out last year by the tornado.

He grows his giants on the property behind our house. Our neighbor has a forklift and that is exactly what was needed to haul this beast. First item of business: putting on the lifting straps.

Next, they hooked it up to the forklift. Special thanks to our friend Andy for saving Jamie’s life by driving.


(Jamie somehow thought he could operate it after a mere 5-minute lesson. Cough, cough)

Once it was successfully hooked up, Jamie checked the bottom of the pumpkin for any cracks that would disqualify it from competition. Believe it or not, people cheat by injecting water to increase the weight.


Once he gave it the thumbs-up, the crowd erupted into cheers. Actually, the highlight of the entire evening for me (besides all the pumpkin food) was seeing how enraptured everyone was by the process.


Except for Bode. My shy little guy was overwhelmed by all the people and kept begging me to go home and watch Wipeout. When the ceremony was completed, I let him do it with the promise that he would imagine the big balls as big pumpkins.


If you’ve never watched Wipeout, you will have no idea what that means.

Even the media made an appearance at the Big Pumpkin Party to interview Jamie.


I’ll be sure to include that link once it is published. He was also interviewed by the Mormon Times. I was responsible for pitching the story to both publications.

Just call me the Pumpkin’s Publicist.

Though as the event wound down, my neighbor Keith christened me, “The First Lady of the Pumpkin.”


Though no one will ever come close to being The Lord of the Gourds.

Stay tuned for the disappointments and triumphs of the big weigh-off.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

Crabbing by night and my family’s forray into darkness

September 14, 2010 By

I have an ultra-competitive family. This is amazing to me for the sole reason that my parents are not overly competitive. Sure, they encouraged us to do our best and exposed us to many different activities. But there is an internal killer drive that I share with my brothers Pat and Jade.

In our schooling years, the result was excelling in pretty much every sport we played. In our over-the-hill years, the scenario is completely different:

When we vacationed at Tie Lake, B.C., we dressed in camouflage as we waged war on capturing the most turtles.

In croquet, our mallets become our weapons in the game we renamed, “Blood Sport.”

Whilst in the Outer Banks, our competition de choix was crab hunting.

When I was younger, my family enjoyed vacationing on Vancouver Island and crab fishing off the docks of Sydney. Back in The Day, we had all the fixins that included traps and bait.

In the Outer Banks, we had three things: Buckets, flashlights and our freakishly superhuman speed.

Work with me, here.

My mom also bought the men crab-hunting uniforms.

Jamie, Pat, Jade and Dad

Those decapod crustaceans didn’t stand a chance against us.

After dark when the waves would roll in, crabs would wash up onto the shore. They’d scurry around at warp speed before plunging back into the ocean.

Enter: The Crazy Canuck Clan.

We had two divisions of crabbers: the spotters and the catchers. The spotters were in charge of the flashlights and following the crabs’ every moves. The catchers were responsible for running around screaming like the Tasmanian Devil whilst trying to scoop the crabs up into their buckets.

I obviously excelled at the latter.

Bode was superior at the former.


When he remembered to actually point his flashlight at the crabs, that is.

The final standings of our crabbing competition?

The winner:

My niece Ashton. This mother-of-two was a force to be reckoned with. So superior were her skills that on our final night, she even caught one backhanded.

If this mothering thing doesn’t work out, she has crabbing to fall back on.

The Loser:

The Lord of the Gourds. On the first night, a crab raced over Jamie’s foot and he squealed like a girl. My beloved honey tried to redeem himself by capturing eight crabs the following night but the damage was done. So disturbing was his initial display that for the remainder of our crab hunting days, my family warned “Not to pull a Jamie.”

I always knew he should be a verb.

Most improved:

Hadley. For our first several nights, Hadley raced around like the rest of us but was a bit too squeamish to delve in for the kill (or rather, catch. And then release). But on our final night, she proclaimed she was ready and my family banded to together in the assist.

At the end of the evening, she jubilantly caught five crabs.

And she then threw a colossal fit as we left the beach because “I WANNA STAY AND CATCH SIX CRABS!”

She was officially inducted into the Crazy Canuck Competitive Hall of Fame.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Family, Family travel, Favorite Posts, Hadley, Humor, Jamie Tagged With:

Kiteboarding, golfing and islanding–Outer Banks’ family travel fun

September 8, 2010 By

Despite my family’s premature evacuation due to Hurricane Earl, the Outer Banks was one of my all-time favorite family travel destinations. This long string of narrow barrier islands off the coast of North Carolina is pristine. Raw. And achingly beautiful.

The beach house my mom rented in the Southern Shores was one of hundreds of million-dollar mansions that dotted the Atlantic Ocean.

Despite its name, Southern Shores is actually in the northernmost part of the Outer Banks with a busy shopping hub. For our next trip, my goal is to stay on the southernmost tip, Okracoke Island. Accessible only be ferry, it boasts untouched beauty, whimsical lighthouses, a quaint village and me.

Gotta start planning now.

During our five days in the Outer Banks, we crammed in a whole lot of family travel fun. Some highlights:

Kiteboarding

The Outer Banks is renowned as the Kiteboarding Capital of the World. My brother Pat (an avid wakeboarder) has recently taken to this surface water sport that uses the wind to pull a rider through the water on a small kiteboard.


I have never been a water person, nor am I talented enough to fly a simple kite so this sport was beyond my ability level. Knowing my aversion to water sports, my sister-in-law Jane tried to convert me to “Dragging.” Basically, this is kiteboarding without a kiteboard. You are harnessed to the kite and let the kite guide you as your face is used as a skipping stone across the water.

I remained shore-bound.
=======================

Miniature golf

There are oodles of non-beach activities for children in the Outer Banks that include amusement parks, an Indy Kart racetrack, skate parks, horseback riding and so much more.

Our “more” was going miniature golfing at Lost Treasure Golf in Kill Devil Hills with cousins Jaxson and Connor.


To access the first hole, we rode on a mining train through caves, “ancient” ruins and under waterfalls.


And I confirmed that Bode and cousin Jaxson are actually long-lost twins.

=======================

Roanoke Island

One of my biggest disappointments was being unable to travel to Okracoke Island (tourists were evacuated a couple of days prior to Hurricane Earl). Roanoke Island, one of the Outer Banks’ primary visitor destinations, was The Next Best Thing.

What we could have done:

Pet the stingrays at the North Carolina Aquarium, strolled through the breathtaking Elizabethan Gardens, saw the popular outdoor drama, The Lost Colony and enlisted the kids in Pirate Adventures where they could seek out treasures aboard a pirate ship.

What we did do:

Time was short and the weather was hot so one morning, Jamie, Hadley, Bode and I drove to Manteo. This charming hamlet wraps around Shallowbag Bay on the eastern side of Roanoke Island.

We strolled the Manteo Waterfront and devoured coconut chicken salads at the Magnolia Grille. Next, we searched for fossils at the waterfront’s pirate-themed playground.

We explored the cottage-style Roanoke Marshes Lighthouse.


And climbed trees. The kids did, that is.


Though this activity did not involve liquid face-plants, I still deemed it best to remain on solid ground.

=======================

Pool

We started and ended each day playing in our house’s pool….


And hot tub.

(My niece Ashton’s darling girls.)

And reached for the sky.


(My toe has never looked better.)

The lowlight: When The Lord of the Gourds tossing me into the pool fully-clothed. My trespass? Mocking The Great Pumpkin, of course.

In my defense, who wouldn’t make fun of the GPC (Great Pumpkin Commonwealth)….

Stay tuned tomorrow for details on THE BEACH!

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Family, Family travel, Hadley, Humor, Jamie, travel Tagged With:

Just when you thought pumpkins ruled this roost

September 2, 2010 By

The entire Canuck clan is in the Outer Banks this week (18 family members = concentrated chaos).

The only member who was left behind was Remy a.k.a. Fat Kitty. The fat dude can survive if we leave him for a weekend by himself but an entire seven days?

Ugly.

We found this out when he stayed behind for 10 days as we journeyed to Utah.

“But Jamie was with him,” some may protest.

Let’s just say the Lord of the Gourds ain’t too willing to snuggle up to our somewhat needy fat kitty.

Remy is like most cats: he sleeps a lot. He hangs out around us in the morning and after dinner and disappears for several hours for his afternoon naps. But the evenings? Fat dude comes to life and desperately needs to cuddle up to someone in bed.

As he found out last week, that someone ain’t Jamie.

Poor fat cat was so stressed from the lack of affection that his hair started falling out in clumps.

And so I have brought in reinforcements while we are gone. I, the very woman who never even wanted a cat, have hired a cat sitter to stay with him. To snuggle him. Take him for walks in our backyard until he throws up from eating all the grass.

Oh wait. That’s only what happens when Jamie forgets to bring him inside.

Despite Jamie’s indifference to the cat that the rest of us adore, I was surprised to discover he named our production company after him.


Didn’t know we had a production company?

Neither did I.

But to tide you over ’til next week….

Enjoy this revealing video that demonstrates pumpkins probably do rule this roost.

P.S. Is it just me or does the Lord of the Gourds not even pronounce “pumpkin” correctly?

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

Evidence we know how to party

August 31, 2010 By

Last week, we celebrated Aunt Lisa’s birthday and per her request, we met at Pei Wei for dinner. She tried to be in good spirits despite having one foot closer to the grave. But she was understandably bummed because her television had died that day and she can’t afford to replace it.

To try to cheer her up, I gave her a pick of fortune cookies and told her the one she chose would be indicative of the year she was going to have. I have great faith in these little cookies of wisdom. Once upon a time when I was single, I was having a rough day, went to the store, bought an entire box of fortune cookies and ate them all.

I felt moderately ill afterward but was I ever bolstered up by all the well-wishes.

As I assured Lisa that this cookie was going to prophesy that this was going to be HER year, she opened it. The inspirational counsel? “Don’t be tempted to spend money.”

Her year is gonna suck.

We returned to our house where we stuffed her full of 12 mini-cheesecakes from glorious Cheesecake Therapy and presented her with her present from the entire family. So as not to give false expectations, I wrote on the card:

“THIS IS NOT A TV.”

But a pink camera is pretty darn cool.

Jamie had his own ideas for the celebration. He gave us his puppy-dog eyes and said we all needed to go to The Pumpkin Patch. Truth be told, I haven’t been there in a month. He is growing his pumpkins on our neighbor’s property and has to hop two fences to get there. And so we drove.

He is growing two Giants that he measures morning and night. He obviously cannot put them on a scale so he guesstimates their size by measuring their circumference. One of them has already exceeded his previous year’s 755-pound mark and he still has over 30 days of growing until the competition.

See those huge posts and hail netting? They took him weeks to build.


Some pictures defy words but this one?

It reveals that his pumpkin is indeed his second wife.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

Back-to-school rejoicings and adjustments

August 26, 2010 By

I still can’t believe summer break is over. When the clock struck 5 p.m. last Friday, I started rejoicing.

“What’s going on?” Jamie asked.

“I officially survived summer!” I replied.

And I’d even say we thrived with non-stop travel, play, camps, activities, snuggles, reading, story-time, sprinklers, bike-riding and fun.

I know some moms who fall into a depression over their lack of purpose when their children go back to school. While I think a bit of mourning is normal, the depths that some of these women go is completely unhealthy. It makes me worried for them when the children graduate. Children should be a top priority but your entire world and identity should not revolve around them.

Remind me of this when my kids grow up and leave home, rendering me unable to drag myself out of bed.

As for my kiddos:

Bode

Bode began his second year of preschool. He is now The Big Man On (a little) Campus.

Hadley went back to school the day before him. As the two of us hung out together, I sensed an inconsolable sadness in him. Touched that he was missing his “Sissy” so much, I gathered him in my arms. With a few tears welling up, he explained “I’ve got something in my eye,” using Guys’ Oldest Line in the Book.

“It’s OK to miss your sister, Bode. She’ll be back later this afternoon.”
“Huh? I’m sad Super Mario on the Nintendo isn’t working.”

Hadley

Haddie started first grade and having her gone all day will be an adjustment. She is thrilled that art class is included in her curriculum but is “scared about the harder reading and math.”

Her first-day synopsis included eating lunch with Chloe and Taylor and playing at recess with Alex.

I’m sure hard-core academia will set in on Day 2.

Jamie, Bode and I escorted her to school that first morning. She excitedly lined up with her fellow classmates as I ecstatically watched her.

“At what point can I start celebrating?” I murmured to Jamie.

In a flash of serendipity, the school bell rang.

“Right about now!” he replied.”

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, Humor, Jamie
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