Enabling those who are apparently not able

December 8, 2011 By

My sister-in-law Tammy sent this video. I’d seen it a few months prior but it bears reposting.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cds7lSHawAw]

Message: drinking ain’t pretty.

Another case in point is Hangover 2. I haven’t seen this movie, nor do I have plans to see it. Jamie works closely with three cool sales executives who send him a large number of clients. As thanks, Jamie bought each of them $100 gift cards for Sullivan’s Steakhouse last year.

The three men started out at Sullivan’s and spent the remainder of the evening (and early morning) bar-hopping in LoDo (Lower Downtown). One ended up shattering his hand that later required surgery (and doesn’t remember what happened) and has no idea how he got home. As for the other two, they somehow made it back but there are big gaps in their memory.

Any other person would have opted to buy them something safe like chocolates this year but not Jamie. Once again he bought them Sullivan’s Steakhouse gift cards and presented them with this lovely Photoshopped card.

Let’s just pray there won’t be a Part III.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

Our home’s crime scene

November 16, 2011 By

We’re the lazy people on our newspaper carrier’s route who request that he delivers our paper to our porch.

It’s our nice way of not flashing our neighbors in our skivvies every morning by walking out to the driveway.

Either our carrier has been slacking the last couple of weeks or we have a rookie because our newspaper has not be porched, but rather “sidewalked.” Meaning, he only makes it as far as the sidewalk in front of our porch. This has only resulted in minor public exhibitions but didn’t seem like a big enough issue to complain about.

Until the dude took out our pathway light.

Jamie: “Amber, please come outside.”
Me: “OK, what?”
Jamie: “Did you or the children do this (pointing to the broken light).”
Me: “Nope.”
Sherlock Jamie: “Just as I suspected.”

He then started taking photographs.

Me: “What are you doing?”
Jamie: “Taking pictures to send to the newspaper’s circulation department as evidence. You will notice that the angle which the light was broken off corresponds perfectly with where the newspaper landed behind the rose bush. We have our man.”


C.S.I., watch out.

Or at least poor, lazy newspaper carrier.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

How to do the mega resort, Dominican Republic-style!

November 15, 2011 By

For months, Jamie has been so overworked and burned out he has complained, “I JUST WANT TO BE BORED!”

Boredom is not a common occurrence at our house and some quality R&R was our primary goal for our trip to the Dominican Republic.

My mother-in-law Linda generously watched the kids (A BIG THANK YOU TO HER!) as Jamie and I spent five days having fun under the sun at the 1,366 room mega resort Barcelo Bavaro Palace Deluxe, our compensation for battling it out over The Great Pumpkin on the Marriage Ref.

We flew in on Wednesday afternoon and after a couple of hours of lounging on the white-sand beach the very next morning, Jamie proclaimed, “I am bored.”

Apparently we don’t do boredom well.

But we were just swell at a lot of other things:

1) Sea kayaking, paddle boating, snorkeling, long beach walks, swimming and lots of eating at the resort’s nine restaurants. All activities were inclusive so we didn’t spend a dime.

2) I become bilingual. At least I like to think I did. The other patrons at Barcelo were primarily Europeans and South Americans so we were in the minority.

While most of the staff spoke at least some broken English, we occasionally had to crank out our espanol. We were frequently asked our room number–1323–and imagine my excitement when I realized THAT was something I could say in Spanish!

“Uno…..tres………dos….tres!!!!”I carefully exclaimed.
“You sound like a 4-year-old,” Jamie retorted.

I credit Dora the Explorer for my prowess.

3) I made some observations about our fellow patrons, who were so very different from our American neighbors.
a) I don’t care how perfect your body is. Th0ngs are offensive and Speedos on men are even less flattering. I won’t talk about the 60-year-old grandma who opted to go topless. #StillRecovering
b) No one there had tattoos. After going to Water World this summer, I realized just how pervasive American’s views of body art really are. It was strangely refreshing to see people’s bodies devoid of them.

4) We hung out a lot in our hotel room. All the rooms at the Palace Deluxe were recently remodeled and we scored a junior suite, which had a generous sitting room, comfy king-sized bed with a pillow top mattress and even a hot tub on the deck. In the afternoons, we had a Harry Potter marathon. After nap time, of course. #Priorities.

5) The weather was agreeable. I wasn’t thrilled for this trip because Denver’s weather is finally to my liking (read: brisk) and the thought of returning to my dreaded heat was depressing. Though the Domincan Republic was hot and humid, we had reprieves with rain and clouds. I only complained about the heat 12 times (a new record for me over a 5-day period).

5) I achieved my life’s goal. On one rainy afternoon, we ambled over to the thatched-hut activity center overlooking the ocean and played games. We started with ping pong (Jamie killed me), then checkers (another win) but then victory was mine. Much to Jamie’s chagrin, the staffer passed out BINGO cards.

Now, here’s my history with BINGO. Since we started taking cruises almost seven years ago, I’ve been dying to play BINGO and Jamie has turned me down. “It’s for a bunch of old people.”

Now, he had no choice and begrudgingly played. And do you know what?

I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could go pro.

In the end, we had a fabulous, restful vacation as we reconnected in a meaningful way. This trip was such a departure from our regular action-packed experiences (in fact, my first trip to the Dominican Republic you can read about here was an adventure tour where we mountain biked, hiked and white water rafted).

But our latest trip was just what the doctor ordered.

And I have The Great Pumpkin to thank for it.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins, travel

On character building

October 18, 2011 By

I’m still alive but am taking a much-needed blogging break. In the interim, a glimpse at a conversation we had en route to the temple last weekend.

Me: I noticed last week just how many wrinkles I’m getting these days.

Jamie: That’s OK. It adds character.

{Long pause}

Jamie: And that’s just what you need–more character.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

Marriage: The “Worse” Part of the “Better”

October 7, 2011 By


Me: “You seem less stressed today. Are you finally getting caught back up on work after being in the hospital last week?”

Jamie: “Doing much better. I only have two people yelling at me right now.”

Me: (At the top of my lungs): “HONEYYYYYYYYYY!”

Jamie: “Better make that three.”

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

The pumpkin weigh-off’s shocking results!

October 6, 2011 By

It was a small miracle Jamie was able to take his pumpkin Ricky (named in honor of Ricky Gervais) to the Jared’s Nursery weigh-off after he discovered a crack a few weeks prior. For weeks, he caulked it and though he was not able to officially enter his pumpkin, Ricky made it to the weigh-off.

And he was the prettiest pumpkin there.

Yes, I just referred to an inanimate object as a “he.”

The kids and I always have a blast getting spooked in the Ghoul Galleria, jumping in the bouncy castle, playing in the maze, doing face-painting, balloon animals and marveling at the over-sized gourds.

Yep, that’s a pear behind Bode.

This year, the kids’ pumpkin was a lot smaller so we had low expectations. In fact, Jamie wasn’t the only grower who had a rough year–most of them lost at least one of their pumpkins. Denver had a really wet spring and a super hot August, resulting in a lot of pumpkins rotting out. There were no records and a lot of grown men inwardly crying.

It wasn’t pretty.

The kids won the children’s competition with their 146.5-pound pumpkin. Their father couldn’t have been more proud. Their mother, on the other hand, was mortified when another child took their pumpkin to the scale and Bode joked, “That’s too little!”

Once again, they won the blue ribbon and…(wait for it)….a bag of fertilizer.

I informed Jamie I’m overseeing the prizes for the children’s competition next year.

As for Jamie? He was shocked and delighted with his result: his heaviest pumpkin ever!
The scale says 926 pounds but it was actually 924.5 pounds. Cheater had his hand on the pumpkin.

That’s sure a heavy hand.

There was only one pumpkin that was larger at the weigh-off and that grower was from Wyoming. Jamie had the biggest pumpkin in Colorado that day and Ricky would have assuredly been over 1,000 pounds if it hadn’t cracked. Jamie’s goal is to break 1,000 pounds so that means we’re in it for at least another year.

Who am I kidding? He’s in it for life.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

At Long Last: The 3rd Annual Pumpkin Par-tay!

October 5, 2011 By

Three years ago, we instituted our First Annual Pumpkin Par-tay. Admittedly, it was a ruse to get people to help lift the pumpkin but it has grown from there.

Both the size of the pumpkin and the parties.

Since Jamie loves big pumpkins and I love to eat all-things-pumpkin, we decided to make it a pumpkin potluck and ask our guests to bring some pumpkin-inspired dishes.

Now, there are varying degrees of commitment to the cause. Some planned their dishes out several weeks in advance and it showed with delicious offerings such as pumpkin caramels, pumpkin bundt cake, pepita (pumpkin seed) salsa, mini-pumpkin pies, pumpkin chili, pumpkin empanadas (my offering) and more.

Others call the day of the party complaining they can’t find canned pumpkin anywhere and bring brownies. And then a few call a half-hour before and say, “Hey, I misplaced my invite. Is that pumpkin party of yours today?”

Regardless, it always comes together in a delicious and fun way.

Bode took on the important role of tour guide and directed people to our backyard.


Of course, The Pumpkin Man was our local celebrity.
Last year, my bestie Tina busted out with a killer pumpkin hat Jamie made famous on The Marriage Ref.

This year, she gifted him some ultra-cool pumpkin glasses.
To think she almost didn’t make it because she somehow didn’t receive an invite (apologies to any of my other regulars who befell the same fate).

Of course, everyone comes to pose with The Great Pumpkin.


And marvel.
But the real attraction was the official vine-cutting. Many people have asked me how we transport the pumpkin to the weigh-off. We use a forklift but you first need to put lifting straps around it (not an easy process).
It’s also a good excuse to get a nice butt shot of your husband.

Then, attach the lifting straps to the chain on the forklift.
Then you watch a grown-man pray that the bottom of the pumpkin hasn’t rotted out completely (if you will recall, it cracked a few weeks ago). All was well.

Except for the fact Jamie’s body turned into a pumpkin. Nice legs, dude.

For the second year in a row, our neighbor Andy was the forklift driver.

When it was over, he was heavily perspiring. “Dude, that was the most stressful thing, ever!”

Then they loaded it onto a trailer. And no, I did not approve of Jamie graffiting the back window of my vehicle with that saying.


See that kid in the orange shirt? That’s our neighbor Luke who kept shouting out, “PUMPKIN PINATA” and swinging his baseball bat at the air.

I think he was kidding but his murder would have been no joke.

After that, the kids cut their pumpkin off the vine.

And (let’s count ‘em): SIX guys carried the pumpkin to the front porch.

I mention the number of men because the next morning, Jamie and I (TWO mere mortals) carried it out to the car. By ourselves. With my sore knee.

One of the many sacrifices of a pumpkin widow.

Tune in tomorrow for details of the weigh-off!

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

The good and bad news of our hospital stint (pun intended)

September 29, 2011 By

If I ever write a book, the title will be, “You can’t make this stuff up.”

Jamie was once again in the hospital for chest pain this week. On Tuesday night, he had meetings at the church and I asked him to drop off something.

“I probably can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I think I need to go to the ER,” he casually informed me.

He then revealed he’s been having chest pain since FRIDAY but never said anything because he knew I’d freak and make him go to the hospital and he would have missed his pumpkin party and weigh-off.

Death vs. a pumpkin party? Priorities.

And so they admitted him Tuesday night. We knew they wouldn’t be able to do anything until the next morning and that he’d need an angiogram. The nurse told him it was OK to eat breakfast so imagine how pleased he was to have the cardiologist come in a few minutes later to inform him he couldn’t eat before the procedure, that he now had to wait six hours, and that they were so backed up they probably wouldn’t be able to get him in until the next day.

This news did not go over well with me, in large part due to the already-overwhelming medical bills we’re paying off. There was NO WAY I was paying for an extra day in the hospital due to THEIR screw-up.

I was still at home at that point so I made some calls. They were not pleasant but apparently my loving threats hit home because 20 minutes later, Jamie called me.

“You contacted the hospital, didn’t you?!”
“How did you know?”
“They just informed me they found an opening for 3 p.m. today.”

Sometimes it pays off to be me.

The findings? When Jamie had surgery back in February, there were three arteries that were almost completely blocked as a result of his chemo radiation treatments he had in his late-20s. For two of the main arteries, they were able to put stints. The third artery is a smaller branch off the main and due to its position and size, they were unable to do anything with it. The only possible solution to open it up is bypass surgery and at this point, they don’t want to go there.

Believe me, neither do I.

And so they think it’s that darned third artery that is causing the chest pain. Because it’s not a main artery, they’re not overly concerned about it but if the pain continues they’ll reevaluate. They hope by switching up his meds, they can help him manage the pain.

So, I guess it’s a bit of good news (the stints in the main arteries are fine) and bad news (there’s nothing we can do about the blocked third artery). We hope Jamie will return home today.

I’ve got to say once again how grateful I am for our awesome friends and family and their outpouring of support. Whether it’s watching the kids, bringing us dinners or just offering to help in anyway they can, I am so humbled by everyone’s support. And I’m hoping that someday soon we can return the favor.

Read: Cease from being charity cases.

The kids and I spent most of Wednesday afternoon and evening in the hospital, with a quick trip to the nearby pumpkin farm while Jamie was doped up in recovery. I’ve become disarmingly comfortable in a hospital setting this year but what I was not prepared for: Jamie’s celebrity status.

As two nurses were wheeling Jamie into surgery, he managed to worked it into the conversation that he grows giant pumpkins. Both of the women scrutinized him, turned to me, recognized The Hair and exclaimed, “You were on The Marriage Ref!” Jamie then delighted his captive audience.

It didn’t stop there. Following his surgery, his new nurse not only remembered him from six months ago (horrors to be considered a “regular” in the cardiac unit) but also from TV.

It was my worst nightmare on many levels.:)

But here’s for hoping we’ll be able to once again pick up where we left off and start running again today.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Health, issues, Jamie

The game’s winners and losers

September 12, 2011 By

Last weekend’s winners

1) Partying it up at the Arvada Harvest Festival’s fun booths and midway.

We were really just in it for the over-sized turkey legs.

2) Bode’s first soccer game of the fall season. The little dude is a master dribbler and scored two goals.

He actually got three but the sore losers on the other team said it didn’t count because they weren’t ready yet. Not ready for Bode to score on them again.

3) Jamie golfing with the boys at Keys on the Green in glorious Evergreen, Colorado. One of the bonuses of playing in the mountains is it’s not uncommon to run into entire herds of elk.

He’s a winner because he’s one of those dudes who poses for a picture an arm’s throw away and didn’t get gouged.

4) While Dad was risking life, limb and backside on the golf course, the kids and I were winners because we bought their Halloween costumes from the local thrift store and went to celebrate the money we saved at Yogurtland.
Oatmeal cookie frozen yogurt? We’re now converts.

5) Playing on Squiggles, a 343-foot “Seasaurus” at the Arvada Center Playground. There were two winners here.

a) The kids delighted in scaling the entirety of Squiggles’ concrete and steel backside and getting sprayed by water misters every hour. Other cool features: The “Talking Trash Cans” that talk back when you throw away garbage, the huge sandbox and three additional concrete sculptures.

b) I was a winner because I bought a book at the thrift store and let the kids play to their heart’s content while I kicked back in the shade and read the entire book.

Last weekend’s’ loser

Jamie, who unceremoniously dumped my cherished Canadian flag chair into the garbage at Bode’s soccer game.

Trashing the hallowed Maple Leaf? He may have avoided The Gouging of the Elk but trust me, he’d better watch his backside because the wife’s wrath is that much worse.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Colorado, Jamie

When the devil comes calling

September 9, 2011 By

When I hear about wives who had absolutely no idea their husbands were involved in Ponzi schemes, I get it.

Even though Jamie and I both work from home, he is holed up in his den in the basement up to 15 hours a day while I putter around on the upper two levels of the house.

For the most part, I don’t question what he does. He has always proven to be a trust-worthy Mormon boy and our bills are paid. I mean, the guy is obsessed with pumpkins. How much of a trouble-maker could he be?

Until he received a phone call a few weeks ago. From A WHOLE LOT OF SIN.

In his defense, he claims it was his client, “A Whole Lot of Singing.”

The jury is still out.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie
« Older Posts
Newer Posts »