‘Tis the season (of banging your head against the wall during a 48-hour period)

May 11, 2010 By

The Johnson clan had planned to go out of town last weekend but we learned Thursday evening there was a mix-up in dates and our trip was switched to June. And so we did what any normal, sane family would do: ransacked our house and had a garage sale 24 hours later.

OK, that would be abnormal and insane.

Now that we know we’re not having any additional children, I have had a nagging feeling we needed to finally sell all the baby items we’ve been holding onto. Storage space is limited at our house and what little we have was filled with boxes upon boxes of clothing and every piece of furniture and toy imaginable.

Think I’m joking? I invited some friends over to buy some clothes the Friday afternoon before the sale.

In case you couldn’t spot them, they’re over there in the corner.

Our friend Karl and his wife Connie dropped by to pick out some clothes for their baby. Something you should know about Karl–he lives in a small two-bedroom condo. When he walked into the eye of the hurricane on Friday, he looked around and queried, “How is this even possible?”

It was then that I taught him some very elementary math. The equation?

Grandma X 2.

In the early years, both grandmas showered Hadley in particular with the most darling outfits. I have not been nostalgic about getting rid of any of their toys or furniture but as I saw people walking off with her adorable clothes? There were some mama moments and I ended up saving some of my favorites to give to her when she becomes a mom.

And maybe, just maybe, I was offended when people overlooked some of her cuter selections. Did they not have any sense of taste?

A few things this mommy blogger learned at the garage sale:

1) Do not pull it together in 24 hours. Duh.

2) Do not advertise questionable materials on Craiglist. Case in point: Jamie posted some of his err…grow equipment. His clientele? Let’s just say when I saw these sketchy dudes coming toward us I knew they weren’t in the market for a pack ‘n play.

3)People do not tell the truth at garage sales. We sold our 9-person tent because, welp, it’s for 9 people and it was tough to find a campsite big enough for it. We plan to buy a smaller tent and reattempt camping with the kiddos. I say reattempt because every family camping trip we have had has been a disaster (case in point here).

That is why I had to chuckle at the sign Jamie made for the tent:

Liar.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Family, Humor

Top 10: How you know your husband is obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin

May 10, 2010 By

With Mother’s Day behind us, let us turn our attention to the men in our lives. I adore mine. He is a doting husband, attentive father and brilliant businessman. The only weakness I’ve found in him happens to weigh 1,000 pounds* and consumes most of his spare time.

So in honor of him and fathers everywhere:

Top 10: How You Know Your Husband is Obsessed with Growing The Great Pumpkin

10) You sneak up on your husband on the computer and the only lurid sites you have to worry about him viewing are BigPumpkins.com and his pumpkin blog DenverPumpkins.com.

9) While most people are making their pilgrimage to the local garden center with the intention of planting food they can eat, your husband is prepping the soil for his inedible 1,000-pound fruit.

8) During the off-season, your husband has a grow room reminiscent of certain other sketchy growers.

7) a)Your family vacations are planned around The Great Pumpkin and you are banned from taking trips during the two-week pollination period. b) He refuses to join you on a family vacation to visit HIS family because it means too much time away from The Great Pumpkin.

6) Your husband builds hoop houses that contain heaters to shield The Great Pumpkin from the early-season weather.

5) Your husband carries around a digital temperature gauge and even sleeps next to it so he can constantly monitor the temperature in the hoop houses.

4) The only designer item you possess from Italy is his hail netting.

3) You become a widow for the duration of pumpkin season as your husband spends at least an hour a day and many weekends in the patch.

2) Your husband convinces you to invite all your friends to have a Pumpkin Party to commemorate the official vine cutting. And they like it.

1) You discover the most random things, in the most random places. From this in your guest bathroom window….

To your nice dinner plates covered in muck on the floor of your car. And when you confront him?

“Jamie, can you please explain why there were dirt-covered plates in my car?”

“Yeah, because I put dirt-covered plates in your car.”

At least he’s not in denial.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, pumpkins

Evidence I actually have three children

May 6, 2010 By

I have been working a lot with Hadley on reading and numbers lately. She has progressed leaps and bounds with the former but the latter?

Let’s just say I’ll never put her in charge of our finances.

The smartest girl in class is named Mia. Hadley divulged Mia’s smarts secret: “Do you know her mommy won’t let her play or watch TV until all her schoolwork is done?”

She sounded no less appalled than if she had revealed Mia was actually a teen-aged boy parading around as a kindergartner.

Hadley is a competitive little thing so we often talk about Mia and what it would take to get to be smart like her. Jamie joined in on the conversation once.

Hadley: “I think she practices reading for an hour every day.”
Me: “Well, that explains why she’s at least at a second grade reading level.”
Jamie (scoffing): “A second grade reading level? That’s not impressive. That’s what I’m at.”

=============================

I compiled a gift guide for Denver moms at Mile High Mamas last week. As I was going through my choices, many of my recommendations came from thoughtful and romantic things Jamie has done for me during our marriage. Feeling suddenly inadequate that I don’t do enough for him, I whipped up a batch of his favorite cookies. When he walked in the door, he exclaimed:

“Wow, buttterscotch oatmeal cookies?”

“Jamie, you do so much around here that this is just a simple thanks.”

“Yes! Just the other day I picked something up off the floor!”

=============================

There is no greater obsession in our home than Super Mario on our Nintendo Wii. If anyone has ever wondered if sibling rivalry is dead, they need to watch my kids duke it out. Evidently, the stakes are high because at one point, Hadley abruptly stopped the game and exasperatedly looked at her brother.

“Bode, I need you to put the Wii remote down, come over here, and visualize yourself winning.”

Nice to see all my sports psychology sessions are rubbing off on her.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Hadley, Humor, Jamie, Marriage

On-line love and the inappropriate grandma

May 4, 2010 By

I’m not usually one to do memes and it seemed like for a while, everyone was tagging everyone else. That said, Jess tagged me for the following questions and since I don’t have anything else going on (actually, I have too much, which is why it’s easier to do this), I’ll give it a shot.

Some of the questions are timely for Mother’s Day and the bumpy road to get there. Feel free to post these same questions on your blog or share any of your answers in the comments. I’d love to hear your stories!

1. If you could do anything different in your life…what would it be?

This is a good question and I honestly can’t think of anything. Of course, life is not perfect but in terms of the elements we can control in your life, we’re doing pretty everything the way we want.

Except for sleeping. That could always be better.

2. What has been the hardest part of growing older for you?

My body falling apart. I used to feel like I was invincible and could trail run for hours. These days with my rickety knee, I’m lucky to make it a mile.

That, and eating all this bran totally sucks. Oh wait, I’m still a few years away from that.

3. At what age/stage in life do you think it is inappropriate to flaunt what you got?

When you’re 85. Droopiness never was sexiness.

4. When you are wrong.. and you know it… do you just move on and forget about it.. or do you apologize and try to make amends..?

I usually will just suck it up and apologize. When it comes to Jamie, I’m generally in the wrong and eventually end up admitting it.

Except for when it comes to excessive time he spends with The Great Pumpkin. In those instances, I am always right.

5. What’s your favorite ice cream? Why?

My absolute favorite ice cream is chi chi coconut from My Favorite Ice Cream Shoppe in Calgary. That place is an institution and our summer evenings were spent there. They have an old-fashioned piano in the lobby and if you play for the crowd, you can get a free scoop. Even though I trained for eight years at the Royal Conservatory of Music, I never worked up the nerve to do it.

Evidently, I don’t value free ice cream enough.

Jamie, on the other hand, does not play the piano and would have done it in an instant. He has to have ice cream every day and it is the one thing that makes him come unglued if we run out. He claims his daily consumption is the reason he is able to keep his svelte figure.

I don’t like him, either.

6. Did you always know you would be where you are today in your life?

Nope, I never had a clear vision of where I wanted to end up. I knew I eventually wanted to get married but couldn’t even fathom having kids. I was always so career-oriented and never wanted be a SAHM. Now, it’s so much better than what I didn’t imagine.

7. How did you meet your spouse? Was it love at first sight?

I didn’t meet Jamie for a few months after we initially made contact. Like all good things in my life, I have the Internet to thank because we met on-line. And maybe, just maybe, we got engaged before we even met. So, in that instance it was love at first sight because, welp, I’d already committed to marrying the guy. (Read the sordid details here).

8. What would be your advice for a newlywed couple?

The best premarital advise we received was from Jamie’s fun-loving Aunt Kathy. For years, she had to remind her husband of every major milestone in their lives. One anniversary, she decided to not mention it and see if he remembered. Of course, he didn’t.

That brought out the flood gates and her anger was unleashed. Until she listened to a radio show that addressed this topic and posed the question: “Why do we test our significant others? Instead of having them prove their love, why can we just not tell them what we want and help them be successful?” This latter point has been the mantra of our marriage and the key in our communication efforts as we ensure both of our needs are met.

Another piece of advice: make sure there is full disclosure before marriage. The Great Pumpkin did not come with a disclosure statement.

9. What would be your advice for a first-time mom?

Just chill out and don’t second-guess your instincts. Everything is so overwhelming and you want to do everything just right. Don’t kill yourself in an effort to be the perfect mother. Oh, the stories that I could–and have–told on this blog.

10. Where do you see yourself in five years?

I’ll be 85 years old and inappropriately flaunting what I’ve got.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, Marriage

The sweet assurance that maybe, just maybe, I’m doing something right as a mom

May 3, 2010 By

Every mother has hopes and dreams for her children. Even though I would love for my kids to share many of my pastimes, I am most invested in instilling a passion for skiing and hiking. This is because we spend most of our family time in the mountains.

And the fact that I suck at pursuits such as golf, dance and tennis.

I was thrilled when my daughter Hadley took to the slopes like a fish in very slippery water last winter but I also want them to develop their own talents. Hadley excels in art so I went to the mat to get her in a sold-out, week-long art camp this summer.

This, from the mom who only passed sixth grade art because her best friend did her projects for her.

Three-year-old Bode is a Babe Ruth in the making and I will enroll him in T-ball this summer. He can hit 9 out of 10 balls pitched correctly to him.

I say “correctly” because my pitching skills are lacking.

And he lets me know it with every wayward pitch.

I hate baseball. I mean, give me a Rocky Dog and a box of Cracker Jacks at a Rockies game and I can hang with the best of them. But the thought of enduring countless innings of baseball, year after year?

Maybe I should take out stock in Cracker Jacks

But I recently received the confirmation that maybe just maybe I am doing something right with just maybe, I am also doing something right with instilling my passions in my children. I was in Utah over Spring Break and took the kids to my alma mater, BYU. Hadley spotted the “Y”prominently etched on the mountain. I excitedly told her she was finally old enough to hike it with me. She pensively stared at it for a while.

“Do you know what it stands for, Hadley?”

“I think so.”

“Really?” To be honest, Jamie and I don’t talk about BYU so I was pretty surprised.

“‘Of course, I do, Mommy. ‘Y’ means ‘YES’ for hiking!”

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Hadley, hiking, Humor, Utah

INTERVENTION NEEDED!

April 29, 2010 By

I caught 3-year-old Bode packing necklaces in his backpack for preschool…


…which is only moderately less serious than packing heat.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Humor

My so-called “perfect” life

April 28, 2010 By

Here’s a little tip: don’t ever utter that you’re feeling balanced because you will inevitably get caught up in a whirlwind wherein just the opposite is revealed.

It started with the missed bike clinic. Remember? The one I thought was on Friday when it was, in actuality, Wednesday. Actually, it goes back even farther when I bought a couple of birthdays presents at Wal-Mart last week.

Should have just stuck with my beloved Target. I know that now.

There is not a Wal-Mart close to my house. After schlepping across town to buy the gifts, Hadley informed me that her friend already had one of them.

Fast-forward to the bike clinic on Friday night. You know, the one that never happened. I decided to take the opportunity to return the presents and exchange them for the game Cariboo by Cranium that my friend Tina requested. It was late in the evening, very few people were on duty, and I spent 45 minutes on a wild goose chase throughout the store as various uninformed people informed me they had the game.

Take it from me: they did not.

Exasperated, this mommy blogger left the store and headed to my beloved Target. I called them on the way over to ensure they had Cariboo. They did! And they promised to leave it for me at the Customer Service desk!

I limped in there right before closing, plopped down my money and did not give it another thought.

Until yesterday, a mere hour before the party when I finally got around to wrapping it. That is when I learned the dreaded truth: they gave me the wrong Cranium game. In my comatose state, I hadn’t even noticed.

I dragged the kids back to Target, only to discover they did not carry the game. With mere minutes before we needed to leave before the party, I desperately grabbed the only semi-decent game I could find:

Because my life is anything but.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor

The Frigidaire Dishwasher and the Husband Who (Sometimes) Uses It

April 27, 2010 By

I’ve been having fun playing with my Frigidaire dishwasher as the part of Frididaire Mom’s test drive.

Wait. Did I just say fun and dishwasher in the same sentence?

Alright, back to reality.

And that reality is asking my husband his opinion of our Frigidaire.

“When it comes to dishwashers, you know me. I’m speechless.”

Though this dishwasher has experienced an unprecedented phenomenon: my husband has actually run several loads in it. Now, I’m not here to husband-bash because there are many domestic duties my husband excels at.

Cleaning the kitchen is not among them.

He could say the same about my ironing (or lack thereof).

Even though the rest of my house may sometimes look like a hurricane hit, I usually stay on top of the dishes and you will rarely find a sink full of dirty ones.

Unless the husband is in charge.

I saw his pre-marriage days. I heard the stories of how he paid his sister to do his dishes for him. Or his roommate’s admonition that when they had company over one day, instead of washing the many dirty dishes, they simply loaded them up in a bucket and hid them in the bedroom.

Suffice it to say, I am in charge of all dish duties but due to my busy travel schedule this winter, he has had to endure the unthinkable: loading and running the Frigidaire. All by himself.

When I’ve traveled in the past, he has completely cleaned the house in honor of my return but was never able to force himself to do the dishes. Times have changed since we got the new Frigidaire. When I returned from a recent trip to Park City, the kitchen was gloriously spotless, the sink devoid of dishes.

“Jamie, did you actually use the dishwasher?”
“Yep,” he said proudly, opening the Frigidaire, unveiling a batch of shiny-clean dishes.

Of course, it would have been asking too much to ask him to unload it.

As I showered praises on him, I noticed something. Even though the majority of the dishes had come out sparkling, there were a few pots and pans on the bottom that still had food residue.

“Errr, Jamie. Just how long were these sitting in the sink before you loaded them?”
“Oh, about five days.”

It was then that I introduced a phenomenon called soaking dishes, especially if they were going to camp out in the sink. Then I showed him the hi-temp wash on the Frigidaire, which is great for melting away those nasty, caked-on stains that are only accrued when dish-loathing husbands are in charge.

It’s all about baby steps. Or husband-sized ones.

Who does the dishes at your house? Is it a battle?

I wrote this review while participating in a Test Drive Campaign by Mom Central on behalf of Frigidaire and received a Frigidaire Dishwasher to facilitate my review.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor

Little bit of this, a little bit of that

April 26, 2010 By

Posting has been light these days, as have my visits to other people’s blogs and I apologize. Life has been all-consuming and I feel like I haven’t fully caught up since returning from Spring Break in Utah a few weeks ago.

A few things that have been eating up our time:

Social media presentation. Jamie and I gave a 4-hour social media presentation to an insurance group on Thursday. I’ve been asked to speak on a number of panels (I’m doing another one for Colorado Healthcare Communicators this week) and have given one-on-one training sessions but we’ve never done of full-on presentation of this magnitude. What I learned: 1) Jamie looks hot in a suit and it’s a dream come true to run our own business together. 2) I know more than I thought. This rarely happens so it’s an unexpected surprise.

The death of the goat. Or rather, the goatee. When Jamie got called to the Bishopric at church a couple of weeks ago, he shaved it in an effort to look more clean-cut. I was the one who encouraged him to grow it after we first got married so I was in mourning to see it go. I filmed him as he shaved it off. And may have shed a tear…or twelve.

Preparing for our garage sale. OK, truth be told, I haven’t exactly gotten around to compiling everything and keep pushing back the date of the garage sale.

But I certainly spend a lot of time avoiding the entire thing.

Partying at Einstein Bros. Bagels. I threw a big mid-day meet-up for the Mile High Mamas on Friday. Bagels were eaten, conversations were had and the other patrons were surely ready to give us the boot. But one thing I already suspected was confirmed: my daughter and I share a love affair with carbs.

Being a mom. After almost six years as a mom, I finally feel like I’m achieving some semblance of balance in my life. It definitely helps that my kids are going through such agreeable stages. My relationship with Hadley has never been better, Bode is his same sweet self and I walk around with a goofy grin on my face because I’m just so happy. Life is full of ebbs and tides and I’m gladly riding high right now. Oh, and speaking of which….

Riding my new bike. OK, truth be told I haven’t done this as much as I would like due to getting sick. Then it snowed. And I’ve been really busy. But I was really excited to attend my much-anticipated bike clinic at Wheat Ridge Cyclery on Friday night.

Until I showed up and realized the bike clinic was on the previous Wednesday.

As my wise Aunt Sue has always told me: “Things can never be 100%, Amber. Never 100%.

This week, I have loads of playdates, our BFF’s birthday, two work-related events and a garage sale for which to prepare (yeah, right). What do you have on your plate?

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

The beginning of The End

April 22, 2010 By

Pumpkin season has begun.

Jamie announced last Sunday that our FHE activity for Monday night would be planting the pumpkin seeds.

Three of the four of us were excited.

I will let you guess who among us was not.

I psyched myself out for the pilgrimage to the pumpkin patch for the ceremonial planting. But silly me for assuming that planting means putting the seed into the ground. No, my friends, the Lord of the Gourds had a long, drawn-out plan in the following steps:

1) Sanded the edges of the seeds then soaked the seeds in warm water for 2 hours with a touch of liquid seawood.

But of course, adding the liquid seawood is a no-brainer that you already knew.

2) Took warm and damp paper towel and wrapped it around the seed and put it in an area that is 85-90 degrees. He did this for two reasons: a) He could check to see if the tap roots had come out, which means it’s germinated and b) He can control the moisture that is in contact with the seed. The seed responds well to the paper towel because it actually thinks the paper towel is dirt.

Evidently, pumpkins are more stupid than I thought.

3) Once the tap roots have come out, it is put in seed-starting soil. Jamie will keep it in a warm, well-lit area (read: sketchy grow room) until it is time to plant outdoors late-April. And even then, he will build a hoop house around it to protect his precious plant until the elements warm up

This is the road just to get it in the ground.

Pray for me when pumpkin season officially begins.

Be sure to following Jamie at DenverPumpkins.com for the technical how-tos. If you’re just tuning into the saga, Jamie is obviously obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin. Find out how it began in Sordid Secrets and the Husbands Who Keep Them.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins
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