Humor: A Memorable Mom Meltdown

December 8, 2016 By

A few weeks ago, I had one doozy of a meltdown. I usually thrive on change and being pushed beyond my comfort zone but the feelings of being overwhelmed have been building for months. Factor in a move, a new job while juggling the old one, missing friends, financial stress, finishing two rooms in our basement, the holidays, and a to-do list a mile long with no time to go outside and play….something was gonna give and it was my sanity.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was over milk…and it wasn’t even spilled. A certain insubordinate tween called me lazy when I asked her to get the milk at dinner after I’d spent 10 hours working and then fixing our meal.

After I stormed out, my sweet son suggested to my husband they clean up because that would “Make Mom happy.” That kid will make a good spouse to a Mommy Meltdown-er someday.

Let’s face it: Sometimes Mom needs to blow off some steam because why should kids get to have all the fun?  Here’s a guide to having an effective meltdown all your own.

  1. Do: Make sure you use your meltdowns sparingly. If you cry wolf all the time, no one will take you seriously. I can’t remember the last time I had a meltdown of this scale, which made it that much more shocking. I WAS THE WOLF.  HEAR ME ROAR.
  2. Do: Make sure that wherever you storm off to that there is ample entertainment to make your cooldown much more enjoyable.
  3. Do: When Said Insubordinate Tween comes to apologize, receive her back with open arms and reciprocate that apology. Sometimes a good cry together is all you need.
  4. Do: Go on a good bike ride (or whatever your favorite stress release is) and get over it quickly. The reason? They’ll be walking on eggshells around you for days and you’ll be able to enjoy their overly accommodating behavior a lot more if you’re happy.

And, most importantly:

5. DO: When having Said Meltdown, do it on a full stomach. Because it’s tough to be mad when you stormed out on dinner and you’re hungry. And then you’re just mad about being hangry. 

Sincerely,

The Maven of Mommy Meltdowns

Filed Under: Humor

Enemy Territory

November 21, 2016 By

One of the things I love about living in a small town is how the community bands together. For Spirit Week, there is a huuuuuuge rivalry between the University of Utah and BYU and “The Holy War” got downright heated.

The schools had “Red Ribbon Week,” to educate kids about saying “no” to drugs. Several businesses offered freebies and deals to celebrate…the kids just had to wear a wristband.

As I was reviewing the daily theme for Red Ribbon Week, there was a dress code for one of the days.

“Bode, you need to wear red tomorrow.”

“Why red? It’s the color of the enemy.”

I’ve trained him too well.

Filed Under: Bode, Humor

The Prodigal Cat Has Returned

November 14, 2016 By

Fat Kitty has had a rough six months. First, we started tearing apart our house and loading everything up in boxes.

Then, we’d dump him off at our neighbor’s house during three months of house showings.

And don’t forget about the 10-hour drive to Utah where he was so traumatized he meowed the entire drive, despite being given a sedative (that is one strong-willed cat).

Then, after only a few days with us at Grandma’s, we left him there to fend for himself. He was so depressed he didn’t even leave the basement for the first week.

Poor, poor kitty.

Our Park City rental didn’t allow pets so my in-laws graciously let him stay for a couple of months. We’ve been in our house for almost four weeks and we had every intention of quickly bringing him to our new home but the chaos continued as we unpacked and finished off two rooms in our basement. We FINALLY wrapped the construction last week and moved Hadley into her bedroom after the poor girl has endured several weeks of sleeping on the floor in my office and then a few days on the beanbag.

We were excited to finally bring Fat Kitty home!

On Friday, Duane, Linda and Aunt Lisa drove him out to Midway (amidst much meowing, of course) and poor Fat Kitty could not have been more confused. He tepidly walked into his new home, explored a bit and then dove under our bed. A while later he reemerged to survey the rest of the house and he seems to be settling pretty smoothly. That night, he cuddled up to me on my pillow and all was right in Fat Kitty’s world again.

Now, lest you feel sorry for The Fat One, don’t. Living at Grandma’s for three months has been like a Fat Cat Day Spa/Boot Camp. They bought him new food dishes, a cat tower, scratching pad (which he loves despite being declawed?), a comfy bed (he’s currently curled up in it as I type) and lots of toys. Much to all of our shock, The Fat One (a.k.a. the laziest cat in America) loves to play in the evenings. Who knew?

As we curled up to Fat Kitty in Bode’s bed that first night, my sweet boy commented, “I had forgotten how joyful it is to have him around.”

And he is a joyful, sweet, gentle, snuggly cat.

Not only has he emerged from The Grandma Spa more playful with a new lease on life, he also has a girlish figure. They put him on a diet with a very regimented feeding schedule and he lost two pounds.

The miracle of the matter? He’s the only one to EVER emerge from Grandma’s house skinnier than when he entered.

Filed Under: Family, Humor Tagged With:

When your husband goes grocery shopping

November 8, 2016 By

You ask him to get fruit because this is what your holder looks like.

And he instead purchases these.

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

A family that speaks together, stresses together

October 27, 2016 By

Last Sunday, we were asked to speak in church on the talks of our choice from the 2016 General Conference. In my past congregations, children 12 and older give talks in Sacrament Meeting in front of the entire congregation so Hadley was expecting to give her first talk in our new ward. What surprised us is that younger children are also called upon to speak so our entire family shared our testimony on Sunday.

The crazy thing is Facebook’s timehop memory of the day was from six years ago when the kids participated in the Arvada 2nd Ward’s Primary Program. This is one of my all-time favorite pictures of them:

What a difference six years makes!

Bode based his talk on President Monson’s talk The Perfect Path to Happiness. Bode was so cute as he joked around while the microphone was being lowered lowered lowered and did an awesome job sharing our his personal path to happiness. My favorite lines from his talk:

I was baptized when I was 8 because I wanted to follow Jesus’ example. As I stepped into the font, I felt peaceful. When I was underneath the water, I felt like nothing could hurt me.

A few minutes later, my dad put his hands upon my head. When he said “Receive the Holy Ghost,” my head felt like it was lit up with fireworks. I felt the spirit charging through my head and body!

I’ve just started on this Perfect Path to Happiness but I know that no matter how old you are—if you’re 10 like me or 90 that you can feel the spirit. And that God knows who you are and that you are an important part of His plan.

I was really proud of Hadley because she wrote her own talk. She based her remarks on Elder Juan Useda’s harrowing experience at Machu Picchu in The Lord Jesus Christ Teaches Us to Pray. 

 Unfortunately, I realized that recently I have a very similar experience to Elder Useda. A few months ago my parents decided I should go to both this wards girls camp and my previous wards girls camp. I moved here from Denver and it happened to be high adventure week. We did a whole lot of really cool things but the big one that was really shaking every one up was the fourteener we had to climb. Colorado has 54 peaks higher than 14,000 feet—pretty amazing! To put this in perspective, Utah’s highest mountain is King’s Peak and is around 13,500 feet. The leaders did a very good job with making it high adventure!

 This was the second fourteener I had climbed and I was with the faster group so I summited fairly quickly, and was in the very first group to come down. At the steepest and most dangerous part of the trail it started to hail. A lot of the people with us were crying and really scared! I didn’t have the proper gear for hail so I used my friend’s bandana for protection—that didn’t work so well. After a few minutes of wondering if I was going to die my thoughts tuned to the slower group, and realized that they were at the very summit of the mountain. I said a prayer in my heart afraid that if I took my hands down from my head that I would get hurt, but after only a few minutes the hail lessened.

Once everyone got back to the car, their side of the story was that they were literally in the cloud getting pounded by the hail and electrocuted by the shocks. Screaming and crying someone suggested they say a prayer. Not too long after that a group of experienced hikers helped them get to a safe spot until the hail stopped. It makes me wonder what would have happened if no one prayed!?

I’d like to share my testimony that I know that prayer can help us through big and small things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

I based my talk on Elder Schmutz’s General Conference talk “God shall wipe away your tears,” a super powerful talk for anyone who has ever wondered why bad things happen to good people and why we have to go through hardships in our lives. I spoke about some of the struggles we had the last 10 months during our move and some of the miracles along the way (which is another post for another day).

The kids and I wrote our talks shortly after receiving the assignment. The Master Procrastinator a.k.a. Jamie waited until the morning of church to start pulling his talk together. As he walked into the bedroom, I asked him how to pronounce “Schmutz,” to which he held up MY topic. 

“You can’t steal my talk!” and I proceeded to go through his papers, crossing out everything I was planning to talk about.

Procrastinators never prosper…or do they? He ended doing an amazing job winging it, talking about some of his miracles in our move as well as giant pumpkins. because (in his words) is God not the Master Gardener?

At least there is full disclosure of our craziness in our new ward.

Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, Humor, LDS, pumpkins

How we do Halloween

October 25, 2016 By

Halloween was a blast in Denver. Pumpkin patches. Pumpkin parties. Weigh-offs. Truck-or-Treats. Neighborhood fire station party and parade. And, of course, trick-or-treating.

I asked my friend Andrea what people do in Midway for fun on Halloween and it seems comparatively low-key. She asked what our family does for fun.

This is my answer:

There goes the neighborhood.

Filed Under: Humor, pumpkins

A frightfully fun haunted hotel memory

October 24, 2016 By

I was doing a write-up last week on Denver’s haunted hotels and happened upon our fun frightmare at the Curtis Hotel back in 2013. Shamefully, I never blogged about it here so thought I’d republish. Enjoy!

After a while, Halloween memories start to blur together. Dress up, trick-or-treat, gorge on candy. Lather, rinse, repeat. But last weekend, my family experienced a Halloween event we will never forget. We attended the Nightmare on Curtis Street at the Curtis – A DoubleTree by Hilton. Each year during the month of October, the Curtis Hotel in downtown Denver, Colorado transforms its 13th floor into a haunted house for a most memorable Halloween.

Curtis – A Doubletree Hotel

This family-friendly, pop-culture hotel is dedicated to all things quirky. Case in point: last summer’s pop-up, inflatable room that rose 22 feet in the air.

The hallway of each of the 16 floors boasts a different theme, like One-hit Wonders, Big Hair, and Dance. The playful lobby hosts impromptu hula hoop contests and offers board games for check-out as well as a small book-filled library.

The 13th floor’s theme is Horror. I’m not the ghost-hunting type and at ages 7 and 9, neither are my kids. I’d think twice about staying somewhere that claimed to be legitimately haunted but I took a gamble that my family would love Nightmare on Curtis Street.

Eerie elevator operator at the Curtis Hotel's Nightmare on Curtis Street

The 13th Floor

Upon check-in in the late afternoon, the 13th floor’s transformation was already underway. We walked through hallways dripping in cobwebs and filled with creepy decorations. A fidgeting fake rat was caught in trap while a macabre black cat plotted his next move. An unearthly motorized Carol Anne from Poltergeist alternately stared at us and a television. Redrum “murder” was scrawled on our bathroom mirror and our sink was teaming with plastic spiders. The kids were curious but not overly freaked out.

After dinner in the nearby Larimer Square, one of Denver’s hippest and most delicious areas, the sun had set and we were ready to continue our spooky staycation. At the Curtis we found a cadaverous woman guarding the lobby elevator. “This elevator is only going to the 13th floor,” she announced.

Nightmare on Curtis Street at the Curtis Hotel in Denver, Colorado

We timidly boarded. When the blood-lined elevator doors opened, the 13th floor had come to life; or had converted to the death zone. A sinister-looking lady was serving treats and shots…in the head. Ghoulish characters roamed the hallway but none were more unsettling than a perma-grin clown and two ghostly little girls. We interacted with them all and squealed as we dodged around the cobwebs, finding refuge in our hotel room.

“I’ll give each of you a dollar if you run to the end of the hall all by yourself,” my husband announced to the kids. My daughter, Hadley, was the courageous first, reluctantly followed by her little brother, Bode. They quickly realized it was all in great fun and this was the impetus to a hilarious night.

Our hotel neighbors got into the spirit of the event too. At one point, I heard a man recoil in fear as he screamed, “Someone is coming out of the room. It’s so hideous!”

It was cherubic-cheeked Bode.

Then, there was a knock on our hotel room door.

Creepy playdate at Nightmare on Curtis Street

Creepy play date at Nightmare on Curtis Street

When my daughter opened the door she found a strange character had stopped by, perhaps for a play date from hell.

When the kids returned from their haunted hallway adventure, Hadley cried, “Dad, why didn’t you open the door? Couldn’t you hear us screaming?”

My husband just grinned, relishing it all and said, “Yup.”

And then there was The Clown.

Creepy clown at the Curtis Hotel's haunted Halloween event

This won’t give him nightmares, right?

Murder Mystery Solved

To wind down, we headed to the lobby to check out Clue, the murder mystery deduction game. The kids had never played before and they loved trying to solve the mystery of who done it, with what, and where, as their game pieces moved from room to room in the board game’s mansion.

Our findings? It was the Clown. With the revolver. At the Curtis Hotel‘s Nightmare on Curtis Street.

=======

Side note: The next day at church, Bode was coloring as usual. What wasn’t usual was when he later handed me his artwork…and it was all black squiggles with the repeated phrase “I’M NOT SAFE.”

The good news is he didn’t need therapy.

Filed Under: Colorado, Family travel, Humor

Glad I’m Not There

August 16, 2016 By

The only thing I dislike about our 3,000-mile road-trip to Canada is that Jamie isn’t with us. Due to our crazy summer selling the house and then moving, he hasn’t been able to take time off work (the boys of self-employment). Though we kept busy with family, we definitely missed him a lot.

Then I got what I thought was a sweet email from him after being gone 1.5 weeks entitled “wish you were here.”

Eagerly I opened it anticipated a sweet love note from my honey and I got this. 

I called to get the low-down and thankfully it wasn’t anything serious–the toilet overflowed into our storage room.

I lambasted Jamie. “You can’t send a picture with a title like that. I thought you were writing me a nice note.”

Him: “That’s the way I felt.”

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

Sometimes you’re the cat, sometimes you’re the mouse

August 9, 2016 By

In the past, we had a problem with baby bunnies falling down our window well and as much as we hated to do it, we rescued and relocated them. I used to be a big fan of bunnies–heck, I adored my childhood pets Whiskers and Snowflake until my Aunt Sue’s dog had them for lunch. But in our neighborhood, the rabbits are pests who destroy our garden. Jamie has finally successfully blocked them out of our backyard so was surprised when he was downstairs on the phone and noticed movement in our window well. Big movement.

Shocked, he gazed upon Fat Kitty frantically pacing back and forth with a mouse in his mouth.  Being the nice man that he is, Jamie went outside and jumped down in the window well to save him but much to Fat Kitty’s dismay, he got rid of the mouse.

An open letter to The Fat One:

If you’re going to drop down into the window well in hot pursuit of a mouse, make sure you’re not too fat to jump out.

Filed Under: Humor Tagged With:

Tween Scene

August 4, 2016 By

They call them “tweens” for a reason. Not quite kids, not quite adults and, at times, not quite human.

One thing Hadley has going for her: she’s not an overly emotional kid so while her friends are reduced to tears the drop of…well, anything, Hadley just chooses moodiness. And to be obstinate. Thankfully, it’s only sometimes and for the most part, she’s pretty darn fun and is really growing into a beautiful young woman.

As she packed for her first Young Women Girl’s Camp ever, she was testing out my new sleeping bag. It reminded me so much of when we tried to swaddle her as a baby. No matter how tight we made the blanket, that colicky baby of ours refused to be controlled and we’d always find her stubbornly sleeping with one little arm out that she had somehow finagled out of her straight jacket. Just call her Houdini.  I asked her to reenact that and this is all I got. 

Stubborn baby meets stubborn tween.

Sometimes she really surprises me. As we were leaving King Soopers, she stopped at the little horsey ride she did as a toddler and went for the ride of her life.

I didn’t bother to tell her I finally won by snapping that shot with just one arm in the air.

Filed Under: Hadley, Humor
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