The Christmas Mystery of the Missing Dinosaur Egg

December 19, 2011 By

My family has had quite a year of multiple hospital visits (heart surgery, anyone?) and ongoing misfortunes that would render even Murphy (as in the “Law”) speechless.

I resolved to kick 2011 to the curb by doing my holiday shopping and preparations early so I could feel like I had at least something under control.

Oh, how wrong I was.

To support our elementary school, I decided to have my kids purchase gifts for each other at the two-day traveling holiday toy store. The idea was to send them to school with money and let them pick out a gift for each other.

Sound easy? Apparently The Easy Button does not exist for Murphy’s Law.

My son Bode goes to morning kindergarten. The toy shop was in the afternoon. No problem, I just brought him back to school and had him pick out his sister Hadley’s gift. He ignored my suggestions of jewelery and went straight for a dinosaur egg that hatches in water

Gotta give the boy credit: he’s looking for a win-win gift.

However the other problem was that Hadley had the money for both presents and she had not yet done her shopping. The nice volunteer assured us they would set Bode’s gift to the side, ring it up with her purchases and then discreetly put Bode’s gift to his sister in his teacher Mrs. C’s** box for him to later bring home.

I forgot about it until last week when I was putting the finishing touches on all our presents and realized Bode had never received the gift.

I called the school secretary Mrs. M.** and explained the case of the missing dinosaur egg. She promised she would call Mrs. C. and also gave me the name of the volunteer who ran the toy store.

Not even 15 minutes later, Secretary M. called back.

“We found out what happened,” she said in her best sleuth voice. Turns out instead of delivering the dinosaur egg to Mrs. C.’s box, the volunteer had put it in the same bag as Hadley’s gift to her brother.

As Hadley was riding on the bus home from school, she found it. Knowing it wasn’t hers, she gave it to the eager boy sitting next to her.

Now this is where the story gets really suspicious. The boy to whom she gave the dinosaur egg just happened to be Mrs. C.’s son.

Coincidence or conspiracy?

Mrs. C. came home that day to find the dinosaur hatched in a glass of water. Her son divulged Hadley gave it to him and she thought nothing of it. Until she received the phone call from me.

I was relaying the escapade to my husband Jamie later that day and he queried, “How many of JeffCo’s tax dollars were wasted from all the time it took to chase that dinosaur egg down?”

I’m part of the blame for the $20 million deficit.

In the end, Secretary M. was extremely remorseful. “I’m really sorry. There’s not much we can do about it at this point. The Egg has been opened.”

That’s school code for “The Mission Has Been Compromised.”

But let it be known that I’m onto them.

**Note: Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Or guilty.

Filed Under: Bode, Favorite Posts, Hadley, holidays, Humor Tagged With:

How Bob made a liar out of me

December 15, 2011 By

I need to preface this post by saying Jamie is an upstanding, honest guy.

Usually.

But apparently he has weaknesses, as was recently evidenced when a certain massage chain started calling him in November. Only they weren’t calling him, they were asking Bob. Jamie repeatedly told them Bob did not live here but it was our phone number and our address in the computer under Bob Johnson. And a load of pre-paid massages.

Shortly before Jamie’s birthday, they called him again telling him that he (a.k.a. Bob) hadn’t had a massage in months and his credits were about to expire.

Jamie explained the mix-up but the therapist didn’t care who took them. “Well, someone needs to use these up by the end of the year.”

And so Bob did. Or at least Jamie did in his name. Yep, that’s right people. For Jamie’s 41st birthday, he treated himself to a massage (or in his words, “a birthday miracle”). When he arrived at his appointment, he hung out in the waiting room for a while when the therapist called his name. And then called it again. Suddenly, Jamie tuned in. They were calling for Bob. “That’s ME!!!!” he said not-so convincingly.

I thought this little trespass was behind us until that same massage chain called me last week asking for (who else) Bob.

“Bob isn’t available,” I carefully said.
“Well, tell him there is a problem with the appointment he made on Saturday. His favorite therapist Cara isn’t available.”
“Oh.”
“So, what should we do? Switch him to another therapist?”
“Um, I’m not sure.”
“Well, if we don’t hear back from Bob we’ll assume that’s OK.”
“Sounds good.”

Looks like the real Bob will be in for a little surprise when he shows up for his appointment this weekend.

And I didn’t even get a massage out of it.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

Snowman Blasphemy

December 14, 2011 By

One of my favorite parts of Christmastime is introducing my kids to all of my favorite holiday shows. On Saturday, I was working on my laptop while distractedly watching “Frosty Returns” with the kids.

Someone on the television broke into an off-key song.

“He’s a terrible singer,” I observed.

Hadley (totally offended): “You’re talking about FROSTY.”

Good thing it wasn’t Santa.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Hadley, Humor

Enabling those who are apparently not able

December 8, 2011 By

My sister-in-law Tammy sent this video. I’d seen it a few months prior but it bears reposting.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cds7lSHawAw]

Message: drinking ain’t pretty.

Another case in point is Hangover 2. I haven’t seen this movie, nor do I have plans to see it. Jamie works closely with three cool sales executives who send him a large number of clients. As thanks, Jamie bought each of them $100 gift cards for Sullivan’s Steakhouse last year.

The three men started out at Sullivan’s and spent the remainder of the evening (and early morning) bar-hopping in LoDo (Lower Downtown). One ended up shattering his hand that later required surgery (and doesn’t remember what happened) and has no idea how he got home. As for the other two, they somehow made it back but there are big gaps in their memory.

Any other person would have opted to buy them something safe like chocolates this year but not Jamie. Once again he bought them Sullivan’s Steakhouse gift cards and presented them with this lovely Photoshopped card.

Let’s just pray there won’t be a Part III.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

Why I can relate to Benjamin Button

December 6, 2011 By

Now that I’m more than seven days out from the glories of my previous week, I’m starting to have some perspective on the situation.

One that does not have anything to do with toilet views.

The first several days of our Thanksgiving break were actually great. We met with our besties Tina, Nolan and Rowan at Family Sports Center, a 1500,00 square foot entertainment center in Centennial where we played ’til our heart’s content.
A favorite were the knock-down, drag-out fights in the bouncy sports arena. Do you see Hadley in the green?


Now, look to her left on the ground where you’ll see Bode in flight.

Perhaps this was a pre-cursor to busting his wrist.

But I’ll tell you what: I was astonished he could get up on that pedestal and hold that knocking block, which was 10 times his size.
His buddy Nolan was much more gracious and let Bode serve up a few wins.

================

On Wednesday night, Bode showed early signs of the plague that later struck our family so on Thanksgiving day, he and Jamie opted out of our annual hike up Turkey Trot. They encouraged Haddie and I to have a girl’s morning out so after doing some food prep, we raced outta there before they could change their mind.

And raced up that mountain–it’s seriously not an easy hike.

Since it’s such a challenging and long(ish) loop, we usually only do about an hour of it to an overlook of the city. But this girl wanted to keep going. Two hours later, we arrived back at the car, exhausted and happy. I realized we are fast approaching our Benjamin Button moment. If you’re not familiar with the love story, Benjamin was born an old man and grows younger through the years. The women whom he loves is just the opposite and for a few, brief fleeting years they meet together in the middle as equals.

As Hadley blazed up that trail, I realized it’s not very long before she will be surpassing me and I will be the decrepit old woman.

As we hiked, I saw what looked like a mother and daughter. The daughter was in her mid-20s while the mom was likely in her 50s.

I pointed them out. “Do you think that can be us when you grow up, Hadley?” (brimming with pride and sentimentality).

Hadley carefully observed them before reluctantly saying, “Yeah, I guess. If you can keep up with me.”

Better enjoy it while I can.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, Humor

The broken boy’s family edict

November 30, 2011 By

For the first few days after Bode busted his wrist, he was pretty miserable. And who can blame him? He was in a lot of pain and sleep was minimal so he required a lot of extra TLC.

But then the kid started working it.

By nature, he’s very sweet and easy going but after a few days of getting doted on, we saw a new side to Bode.

Bode: “Hadley, get me some water.”
Hadley: “I don’t want to.”
Me: “Hadley, can you please get your brother some water?”
Hadley: “FINE.” (Empathy ain’t her thing but she reluctantly brings him water.)
Bode: “You did it wrong.”
Hadley: “EXCUSE ME?”
Bode: “You’re supposed to put the ice in first, then the water. Not the other way around.”

Hadley almost busted his other arm.

Bode’s little sabbatical has also confirmed what I’ve suspected: he can be lazy. If given the opportunity, he would sit around all day playing the Wii and watching TV. But because he has me as a mother, he’s constantly on the go.

But last week was the exception and I let him laze around as much as he wanted. Hadley got bored with the routine after a few hours (yep, she’s my kid). But 11 television shows later (Hadley counted), Bode was still going strong.

He also came to me with an announcement. “When we go upstairs I’m going to tell you the new rules.”

“What kind of rules?”

“For my arm.”

I grabbed a notebook after sensing his urgency. So here they are:

Bode’s Rules

1) I can’t run to keep up with you.
2) I can’t spent too much time watching TV or playing too much.
3) I can’t go fast on a bike. I have to go slow.
4) I can’t go too far in front of you on my bike.
5) I can’t cross my arms. (This was reemphasized when Jamie asked him to say family prayers that evening. He agreed but said NO ARM CROSSING.)
6) No fighting this week.
7) I can’t go in the shower. I can go in the bath but you have to put me in.

After listing off his regulations there was a long pause, after which I asked, “So what CAN you do, Bode?” Which prompted another list.

Things I Can Do

1) I can eat.
2) I can go down.
3) I can go up.
4) I can jump.
5) I can sit.
6) I can see.
7) I can walk.

“What about picking up your toys?” I asked. “Can you still do that?”

“Yes,” he said finally. “But only softly.”

It’s gonna be a long few weeks.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Health, Humor

Why Hadley will be a supreme ruler

November 17, 2011 By

Hadley has had the exact same personality since the day she was born: spirited, fun and oh so stubborn.

She is so headstrong and has a great ability to read people to get what she wants. This can be both a good and a bad thing. In fact, when she was just a few months old my pediatrician picked up on this and said it would be tough to parent her at times but it would serve her well in the boardroom later.

Is this supposed to be a comfort?

I love to snuggle and much to my chagrin, Hadley has never been a warm ‘n fuzzy kinda child. My resolution? Ever since she was a baby, I’ve always held her down and forced Family Snuggles out of her. This has become a nightly ritual as she giggles her objections to us.

When she was 1 year old, she and I were bouncing around on my bed before bedtime when she stopped, plopped herself down on my pillow, put her arm out and announced, “SNUGGLE!” Shocked, I asked, “Did you say ‘snuggle?’” She nodded and repeated herself again. I didn’t hesitate a moment longer and dove right on in like an attention-starved puppy. With tail wagging.

Now, lest you think I had converted her to Family Snuggles, think again. She laid there for her obligatory 10-second snuggle as if she was counting down the moments. She then plopped back up and announced we were:

“Alllllll twue.” (through)

In Haddie speak: “I gave you what you want so can you pul-ease stop attacking me, Woman?”

Six years later, the girl still knows how to work it.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Hadley, Humor

Our home’s crime scene

November 16, 2011 By

We’re the lazy people on our newspaper carrier’s route who request that he delivers our paper to our porch.

It’s our nice way of not flashing our neighbors in our skivvies every morning by walking out to the driveway.

Either our carrier has been slacking the last couple of weeks or we have a rookie because our newspaper has not be porched, but rather “sidewalked.” Meaning, he only makes it as far as the sidewalk in front of our porch. This has only resulted in minor public exhibitions but didn’t seem like a big enough issue to complain about.

Until the dude took out our pathway light.

Jamie: “Amber, please come outside.”
Me: “OK, what?”
Jamie: “Did you or the children do this (pointing to the broken light).”
Me: “Nope.”
Sherlock Jamie: “Just as I suspected.”

He then started taking photographs.

Me: “What are you doing?”
Jamie: “Taking pictures to send to the newspaper’s circulation department as evidence. You will notice that the angle which the light was broken off corresponds perfectly with where the newspaper landed behind the rose bush. We have our man.”


C.S.I., watch out.

Or at least poor, lazy newspaper carrier.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

How to do the mega resort, Dominican Republic-style!

November 15, 2011 By

For months, Jamie has been so overworked and burned out he has complained, “I JUST WANT TO BE BORED!”

Boredom is not a common occurrence at our house and some quality R&R was our primary goal for our trip to the Dominican Republic.

My mother-in-law Linda generously watched the kids (A BIG THANK YOU TO HER!) as Jamie and I spent five days having fun under the sun at the 1,366 room mega resort Barcelo Bavaro Palace Deluxe, our compensation for battling it out over The Great Pumpkin on the Marriage Ref.

We flew in on Wednesday afternoon and after a couple of hours of lounging on the white-sand beach the very next morning, Jamie proclaimed, “I am bored.”

Apparently we don’t do boredom well.

But we were just swell at a lot of other things:

1) Sea kayaking, paddle boating, snorkeling, long beach walks, swimming and lots of eating at the resort’s nine restaurants. All activities were inclusive so we didn’t spend a dime.

2) I become bilingual. At least I like to think I did. The other patrons at Barcelo were primarily Europeans and South Americans so we were in the minority.

While most of the staff spoke at least some broken English, we occasionally had to crank out our espanol. We were frequently asked our room number–1323–and imagine my excitement when I realized THAT was something I could say in Spanish!

“Uno…..tres………dos….tres!!!!”I carefully exclaimed.
“You sound like a 4-year-old,” Jamie retorted.

I credit Dora the Explorer for my prowess.

3) I made some observations about our fellow patrons, who were so very different from our American neighbors.
a) I don’t care how perfect your body is. Th0ngs are offensive and Speedos on men are even less flattering. I won’t talk about the 60-year-old grandma who opted to go topless. #StillRecovering
b) No one there had tattoos. After going to Water World this summer, I realized just how pervasive American’s views of body art really are. It was strangely refreshing to see people’s bodies devoid of them.

4) We hung out a lot in our hotel room. All the rooms at the Palace Deluxe were recently remodeled and we scored a junior suite, which had a generous sitting room, comfy king-sized bed with a pillow top mattress and even a hot tub on the deck. In the afternoons, we had a Harry Potter marathon. After nap time, of course. #Priorities.

5) The weather was agreeable. I wasn’t thrilled for this trip because Denver’s weather is finally to my liking (read: brisk) and the thought of returning to my dreaded heat was depressing. Though the Domincan Republic was hot and humid, we had reprieves with rain and clouds. I only complained about the heat 12 times (a new record for me over a 5-day period).

5) I achieved my life’s goal. On one rainy afternoon, we ambled over to the thatched-hut activity center overlooking the ocean and played games. We started with ping pong (Jamie killed me), then checkers (another win) but then victory was mine. Much to Jamie’s chagrin, the staffer passed out BINGO cards.

Now, here’s my history with BINGO. Since we started taking cruises almost seven years ago, I’ve been dying to play BINGO and Jamie has turned me down. “It’s for a bunch of old people.”

Now, he had no choice and begrudgingly played. And do you know what?

I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could go pro.

In the end, we had a fabulous, restful vacation as we reconnected in a meaningful way. This trip was such a departure from our regular action-packed experiences (in fact, my first trip to the Dominican Republic you can read about here was an adventure tour where we mountain biked, hiked and white water rafted).

But our latest trip was just what the doctor ordered.

And I have The Great Pumpkin to thank for it.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins, travel

Validation and the cutest little American ever

November 11, 2011 By

It’s no secret I was hesitant to enroll Bode in kindergarten because of the pressure I felt from my peers to hold him back.

One of the reasons was I felt he was small for his age but at a recent pediatric appointment, I learned he’s actually in the 50th percentile (average) but he only seems smaller because he’s lumped with boys who should be in first grade but were held back.

Go figure.

The New York Times article about how delaying school could be a detriment to your child was definitely a validation for our decision to enroll him but it wasn’t until I volunteered in his class that I was pleased to see he’s in the advanced group with a bunch of girls.

But then I got the biggest validation of all: his teacher called to say he’s the best reader in the class and will join the first graders for their reading time so he can be more challenged.

My reaction was not pride but rather, relief. We had made the correct decision. I’ve fastidiously worked with him daily on his reading for over a year and our efforts have paid off. Lest you think I’ve gone all Tiger Mom on him, that is not the case.

I’m much too lazy for that.

Several of his classmates have made comments about his reading and we found out why at his parent-teacher conference. As an explanation for Bode going with the “bigger kids,” the teacher told the class it wasn’t fair for him to always give them the answers and that they need to work harder to catch up to him. Now, a lot of the kids want to go to the “big-kid class” and Bode has become the benchmark for reading literacy.

In any other class, this strategy could significantly backfire with mean kids bullying him but it’s had the opposite effect and the kids think he’s cool. His buddy Timmie stopped us and admiringly said, “You know how to read, Bode?”

If only brainiacs were always deemed popular.

Now, lest you think Bode is some kind of child prodigy he’s not. But this whole experience has confirmed that as parent, we should regularly work with our kids and in the end, don’t push them too much (but just enough) and always listen to our gut.

The gut that tells you to do the right thing. Not the one that tells you to eat that third chocolate cookie.

There is, however, one problem. His teacher says she sometimes has a difficult time understanding him.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrJwwzRP5RY]

I’m cutting my losses on this one. In his defense, this Canuck can’t pronounce half those words, either.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Humor
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