How Jamie was on a roll (and in the doghouse)

July 15, 2012 By

When you’re in the car driving for 20 hours, you tend to get a bit punchy and everything becomes hilarious.

As we waited at the U.S.-Canadian border, I mindlessly challenged Jamie to a thumb war and he beat me.

“In my neck of the woods,” he announced, “We call these the ‘BORDER WARS.’”

The kids then started chanting “U.S.A, U.S.A.”

Watching the Olympics could get ugly next week.

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I’m terrible with a map and have zero sense of direction. That said, I did rather well with the GPS on my phone during this trip and started boasting about it to Jamie.

“Maybe I’m not so bad with directions. I think I can do the ‘Amazing Race’ after all.”

“Amber, if you were to do the ‘Amazing Race,’ they’d have to rename the show ‘LOST.’”

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

Wyoming or Bust–Or Rather, Busted in Wyoming

July 13, 2012 By

The kids and I are currently holed up in my childhood home in Calgary. Jamie joined us for a few days but has since flown home, leaving us with a stretch of languid summer fun. This morning, Hadley asked me, “What day is it, Mommy?”

That is my definition of a great summer.

Of course, we still have a two-day drive back to Denver in our future and the trek to Calgary was memorable to say the least. A couple of hours into our drive, Jamie started slowing down and pulled off to the side of the road.

“What are you doing?” I queried. Not long ago, he was freaking out because we had to pull off so Hadley could fully shut her door.

And then I turned around to see a nice highway patrolman. He issued us a $170 ticket and a warning for our obstructed license plate from our bikes on the back of the car. HELLO, if that is against the law then half of Coloradoans are breaking it.

We got back on the road and not even 30 minutes later he started slowing down again. “What are you doing?!” I started to say and then I saw it: another cop.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Yep, another ticket but for only $100 this time. In his defense, our cruise control is busted and we were in armpit of Wyoming with ugly, sagebrush hills so it was so easy to speed. There are no tourism dollars to be made so why not nab motorists for going 7 miles over the speed limit?

Quite coincidentally, this was near the stretch in The Cowboy State where I thought we were going to die last Christmas.

It would appear we have an all-hate and no-love relationship with Wyoming.

Mostly just hate.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, travel

The Fabric World’s Seedy Underbelly

July 12, 2012 By

Today is my mom’s birthday so I thought it appropriate to dedicate this post unto her.

On Wednesday, May 30 I posted the following status update on Facebook:

“My mother is happiest when she is crafting or shopping. I suspect I’m adopted.”

To which my brother Jade commented, “I still hate shopping. She did permanent damage to me.”

Though I make a bi-annual pilgrimage into Hobby Lobby, most of the damage of my mother’s marathon shopping trips was done in fabric stores. To this day, I catch one whiff of fabric and a flood of childhood fabric-store trauma washes over me.

And no, I’m not being melodramatic.

As a part of Hadley’s bedroom makeover, I was forced to face my fabric-store angst by going to JoAnn’s with Hadley and my mother-in-law, Linda. As I staggered around (careful not to inhale), I looked and Hadley was GONE.

I started to freak out. This was her first time in a fabric store–had she been devoured by the seedy underbelly of the textile world?

And then I found Hadley in her element.

Some say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

I say it skipped a generation.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Hadley, Humor

How a Canuck sabotages 4th of July

July 10, 2012 By

After a full 4th of July with a pancake breakfast, biking, seeing Brave and heading down to the fireworks-less festival, we ended our day by going to our friends’ soiree.

 I had a limited amount of time to pull together a dessert so I hastily made our new favorite: this white Texas sheet cake (oh my!)  The problem was it wasn’t very patriotic so I figured I’d dye it blue, spread white frosting and then top it off with a strawberry. Perfect color scheme, non?

Well, remember how I said I was in a hurry? I quickly mixed the cake batter, put in a couple of drops of blue dye, blended and baked it. It wasn’t until I was cleaning out the bowl a few minutes later that I scrutinized the batter for the first time.

It had started out yellow and then I added blue. But in my haste, I didn’t add enough blue dye. Let’s take a moment to reflect upon the lessons learned from preschool:

Blue +yellow=GREEN.

Yep, that’s right. My patriotic cake was better equipped for St. Patty’s Day. I started to spread white frosting and top it off with strawberries but I stopped myself.

Green + white + red = Christmas.

So, there you have it, folks. This Canuck’s Independence Day offering was a veritable dose of Christmas in July.

Too bad we didn’t have the snow to go with it.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: holidays, Humor

4th of July’s Hole of Death

July 9, 2012 By

We didn’t have high hopes for Independence Day this year. Due to the wildfires, most of Colorado is under a fire ban so there were no fireworks. The problem is, they’re shot right above our house and we shut down our street and have a neighborhood party.

4th of July 2012: Nada.

Though I completely understand the fire ban, what sucked about the situation is we had planned our trip to Canada so we would specifically be here for our 4th of July party, only to have the whole thing be a bust.

So, we made the best of it and you know what? We still had the best time. Every year, we attend our church’s pancake breakfast and patriotic service but this time, we added a new tradition: biking.

With full bellies, we headed across the street to the new skate park.

We didn’t last long there. Something about obstacles being two-stories high.

And so we hit Ralston Creek Trail, one of my favorite areas. We wove around the bike path,

Rode singletrack across meadows.

We hit Ralston Creek for a much-needed cooldown.

And we introduced the kids to a cossetted dirt park hidden in the trees.  Jamie challenged Bode on the series of dirt paths, jumps and obstacles. This was his first time off a paved skate park and he was extremely cautious. Turns out, it was for good reason.

In Jamie’s defense, he warned him about The Hole of Death.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwXc5hqLZ3M]

I stopped recording just before it got ugly. If he’d known how to swear, he probably would have.

Stay tuned tomorrow for my own dose of 4th of July ugliness.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, holidays, Humor, Jamie

Just call me Merida

July 6, 2012 By

On the 4th of July, we took the family to see Pixar’s Brave. Set in the highlands of 10th century Scotland, skilled archer Merida caused some good, old-fashioned chaos in the kingdom.

We all really, really liked it and there were two things I loved most: 1) It captured the mother-daughter dynamic with all of its glorious conflicts and joys and 2) It’s about time there was a red-headed, curly-haired heroine.

Now, I’m not one to walk around saying “that could totally be me” about Disney or Hollywood characters but throughout the film, her stubborn, free-spirited, nature-loving disposition resonated with me.

Jamie thought so as well and posted this Facebook status update and picture:

Amber Johnson the original Brave? If they decide to make a Broadway play out of the movie I’ll have to insist on Amber playing Princess Merida. 

That caused me to dig up a photo from my past when I competed in the archery biathlon at Bryce Canyon’s Winter Festival (I posted that article here).

I mean, just check-out this ace shooter.

Of course, Merida didn’t have sweat seeping from her armpits.

But I’m sure that’ll change in Brave II.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, outdoors, skiing Tagged With:

Chilling: Johnson-style

July 5, 2012 By

We’ve had a one-week break between travels and I set the goal to give everyone some much-needed downtime and we had just that for several hours every day.

However, downtime gets old really quickly chez nous. Here are a few things we did to curb off the summer doldrums:

Two weeks of outdoors swim lessons with several of my besties from our ward. It was like a pool party every day.

And as a total bonus, both kids passed their classes. Hadley is now in the top class on her way to swim team and Bode passed his first class (Trouts) ever and is now a Duck.

If you’ve followed his swimming missteps, you’ll know this deserves a celebration.

We also took our neighbors to the Children’s Museum of Denver. We were regulars when the kids were younger but haven’t been back for a couple of years because they’re in school and I thought they’d outgrown it.

Sean & Bode inside a bubble at the Bubble Exhibit
Hadley with real power tools: watch out

Five hours later, I realized I could not have been more wrong.

We spent Family Home Evening flying a kitean airplane.

It was obviously intense.

We threw Bode a “Pretend Birthday” because we’ll be in Canada for his birthday.

More on that later but those (wet) projectile weapons sure were real.

And last but definitely not least, we spent the afternoon boating and playing at Chatfield State Park with the youth from church. Remember how June had record-breaking heat? The one day we planned our beach visit, it was blustery, windy and rainy.

However, we still had a blast and created even more memories than if it had been sweltering.

Mostly because my memories would have been bad ones.

Hadley tubing with two of her babysitters
Bode warming up with Bryan
Stomp Rockets: something I need to add to our toy collection
Hadley & Morgan snuggling up under our canopy as it poured

One of the great things in the Mormon church is we have a non-paid clergy and are asked to serve in a number of different capacities. I’ve pretty much had the opportunity to do it all–from working with the younger kids to the adults to teaching gospel doctrine to throwing parties to serving in presidencies. But hands down, my favorite favorite favorite calling ever is teaching the youth.

3 of the 4 girls I teach at church. Awesome young ladies!
Our group of youth

P.S. Did you know “sick” is out and the new, hip word is “That is so ‘beast?’”)

Because there’s nothing like a 40-year-old pretending to be cool.

But I’m telling you, this overheated summer has been anything but.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, Humor, LDS Tagged With:

That’s what husbands are for

July 2, 2012 By

I have felt overwhelmed and grateful by all the support I’ve received from friends, family and complete strangers since I started writing professionally.

But a few weeks ago, I received my first vicious email from a reader about my column in The Denver Post. I don’t write a lot of controversial stuff and what he was spewing out was so ludicrous, irrational and hateful toward children that I promptly deleted it and deemed him a madman.

But still, it bugged me.

Later that day, I commented to Jamie: “I got my first piece of hate mail today.”

He didn’t ask what it was about and only offered, “No, it wasn’t. Remember that kindergarten article you published a couple of years ago in the Denver Post’s YourHub? A man was so irate about it he sent ME an email telling me to tell my ‘misinformed wife’ she was nuts?”

“Thanks for the pick-me-up, Jamie.”

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, Marriage

Happy Canada Day and the Story of “Eh!”

July 1, 2012 By

**AN OLDIE BUT A GOODIE FROM THE ARCHIVES. HAPPY CANADA DAY!!!**

Once upon a time, my little Half-Breed Hadley discovered So You Want to Be Canadian, a book my family graciously gave Jamie for Christmas.

For story time, we reviewed the history of “eh,” how to dress like a Canadian and learned how to make Beaver Tail Pastry.

Later today, I’ll quiz her on the Canadian anthem. In French (it’s never too early, right?)

Haddie took particular delight in learning to say “eh” so we thought we’d impart upon you the history of this sacred word. Y’see, unlike its slow-witted American cousin “huh,” “eh” is a flexible, multipurpose word, perfect for a variety of situations. Its uses are endless but as an example, adding “eh?” to the end of a statement is a handy and efficient substitute for:

This is just my opinion, but don’t you agree with it?

Non-Canadian statement: “The weather sure has turned chilly, don’t you think?”
Canadian Statement: “Cold, eh?”

This is a fact to which anyone would acquiesce, so I’m being rhetorical here.

Non-Canadian statement: I can’t believe you bought that girl a drink and she didn’t even give you her number.”
Canadian Statement: “That’s cold, eh?”

You know what I just said? I actually believe the exact opposite.

Non-Canadian statement: “Yes Bob, I agree it’s very hot in Penticton today. I’m positively burning up.”
Canadian statement: “Right cold, eh?”

This is the end of Lesson #1…cool, eh? If we all work on this together, perhaps we can overthrow dim-witted “huh” by year’s end.

Happy Canada Day!
© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Canada, Humor

Hadley’s Utopia & the Incredible Hulk

June 29, 2012 By

You know those people who have an aversion to public restrooms?

Bode has the opposite problem. In fact, we often joke he’s like a dog and needs to mark his territory whenever we go. Or, as Hadley so eloquently summarized it:

“The one thing that boy knows how to find is a bathroom!”

But his latest bathroom episode lead to Hadley’s greatest discovery ever. During our visit to YMCA of the Rockies, we were at the playground when nature called for Bode. The Mootz Family Craft and Design Center was adjacent so we walked in there.

A couple of minutes later, I raced out to Hadley screaming, “YOU HAVE GOT TO COME WITH ME, NOW!!!”

The reason for my freakout? I have never seen a craft center quite like this one. I had eventually planned to wander in there with her and expected to see your basic painting or drawing stations but this place was a crafter’s dream with wood and leather crafts, a jewelry area with thousands of beads, ceramics, tie dye with a huge wall of clothing options, silk painting and basket making.

 The prices range from $3-$35 per project with most people spending around $15. We dropped $50.

Ceramics
Some of the many craft projects
More crafts
Tie dye shirt designs

 Being a dude, Bode isn’t really into crafts but he opted to make a tie dye shirt, something I had never done.

It turned our marvelously well. Here’s a photo I took of him wearing the shirt on our camping trip a couple of days later.

We left YMCA of the Rockies early the next morning so they sent home instructions for washing out the shirt after it had soaked in the dye for 24 hours. I then ran it in the washing machine twice before letting him wear it. Evidently, this was not enough because it turned his shoulders green at the campout. Quite coincidentally, his old swim trunks (seen above) literally split open.

We called him the Incredible Hulk.

But back to Hadley’s crafting utopia at the Craft & Design Center. I encouraged her to select something she would keep forever and so she, of course, selected one of the most expensive items: a mosaic kitty clock.

I was excited for her to attempt something so intricate where a qualified staff could help her out. I don’t know if you’d ever done a mosaic but envision collecting tons of glass shards and piecing them together like a puzzle without a set pattern.

I hate crafting and puzzles so basically, it was my worst nightmare. But I loved working on it with her as she came to life.

Then came grouting. I let her tackle that solo.

But the finished product? Something she will always cherish and her avowal to spend the entirety of next summer at the Craft and Design Center.

My wallet may never recover from her discovery.

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Other details of our stay:

Colorado’s Most Family-friendly Vacation



YMCA of the Rockies: Activity Capital of Colorado!



Colorado’s most affordable family vacation (at Mile High Mamas)

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Colorado, Family travel, Hadley, Humor
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