Humor | Life Elevated Mom

The “Mary” Takedown at Church

November 11, 2013 By Amber

Growing up, I always wanted to be Mary in our LDS church congregation’s annual reenactment of the Nativity. But your chances are slim-to-none when you have blonde, frizzy hair and don’t exactly ooze with meekness or sweetness.

Even being repeatedly cast as an angel was a stretch (though the ringlets my mom made from those pesky overnight pink rollers were pretty angelic).

So, I could totally relate to the disagreement I heard at church yesterday as Hadley and her bestie Alex were jockying for the coveted role of Mary at our ward’s Christmas party in a few weeks.

Hadley: “You can’t do it. Mary didn’t have short hair.”

Alex: “Oh yeah? Well, I’ll bet she didn’t have BANGS!”

For the record, I hope neither of them gets the part.

Filed Under: Hadley, Humor, LDS

A note about old-man Bode and the Yeti that derailed him

November 7, 2013 By Amber

Sometimes I swear Bode is a 40-year-old man trapped in a 7-year old’s body. I’ve long heard the term “old soul” but until I met him, I had no frame of reference. He’s just a kid who almost always tries to do the right, responsible thing.

Jamie and I have no idea how he came from our genetics.

Bode is home sick today and and he was lamenting about missing school, he observed, “Sometimes I wish I just had a robot of me so when I’m sick, that robot can go to school and learn for me.” Uhh, sure, Kid.

We recently had parent-teacher conference and he was positively gleeful about it. Remember how I was remiss about his strict teacher no one seems to like? He is thriving under her. She runs a tight ship…every good action is rewarded with “Class DoJo” points and those who misbehave are punished. Bode has become borderline obsessed about earning points and is constantly serving his teacher and fellow classmates. He has the most points of anyone and was even the first in his class to receive a “Star Award” this year. A note from the principal:

Bode has been working very hard in class and is always on task. He loves to learn and it shows! Bode also helps his classmates stay on task and show “task 4.” Way to go, Bode. Thank you!

On the side column of the certificate there are five potential areas for which a kid can receive a star award. He had three checked off for “teamwork,” “academics” and “respect.” Most kids would be thrilled with that but not him. “I didn’t receive it for ‘safety’ or ‘service.’ I’ll have to focus on those for next time.”

Of course he’s not perfect and has so many little quirks that make me laugh. I’ve been going to life-changing-and-butt-kicking Front Range Boot Camp a few mornings a week from 6:30-7:30 a.m. I honestly didn’t know how that time frame would work with their morning routine. I’d usually wake them up at 7 a.m., walk Bode to the bus at 7:50 a.m. and then drive Hadley to school at 8:15 a.m. For years, I’ve been a micro-manager trying to get the kids out the door. “Brush your teeth!” “Make your lunch!” “Your bed still isn’t made!” “If you have spare time, practice the piano.”

But my experiment has worked. I bought them both alarms and they get themselves up and on the rare occasion that they don’t, Jamie is here to do it. By the time I walk in the door at 7:30 a.m., they’re both dressed and have made their own breakfast and are working on packing lunches. They have the Today show on the television (a must for my mornings) and have become accustomed to watching the weather and news while eating breakfast.

Bode takes it one step further. I’ll set his alarm for 6:50 a.m. before he goes to bed and almost always, the kid will sneak over and change it to earlier, citing, “I just like extra time to be prepared.”

Who does that?!

On a recent morning he made me laugh. We were almost ready to walk out the door and he was glued to the Today show. I asked:

“Are you ready for school?

“Not yet, Mom. I’m trying to find out if the Yeti is real.”

Every 40-year-old kid has his weakness.

Filed Under: Bode, Humor

“I’M GOING TO MAUI!”–When you win your dream vacation

November 7, 2013 By Amber

A funny thing happened four years ago when I was selected as the grand prize winner of Microsoft Office’s nationwide contest to be their accredited blogger at the 2010 Vancouver Games: I started to think like a winner.

B.O. (Before Olympics), my contest batting average stunk. When I’d enter to win something, I’d just assume I wouldn’t win and I never did.

A.O. (Après Olympics) when I’d enter to win something, I’d assume I would win.

I’d like to call this a winning mentality but here’s the thing: I haven’t won anything in four years so I have been more of a one-hit wonder, “I-think-I’m-a-winner-but-have-loser-tendencies-type person.”

Until last month.

Hawaii has been at the top of my bucket list for several years. So when I heard about a luncheon at the Oxford Hotel hosted by the Maui Convention and Visitor’s Bureau, I resolved to finally start planning my family’s future vacation. A girl can dream, right?

Upon check-in, we dropped our business cards into a raffle drawing and then briefly met with various tourism reps in a speed dating format. I became convinced that Maui was the perfect island for my family with its combination of scenic natural wonders, Hawaiian culture and idyllic mountain and beach adventures.

As I prepared to leave, Kelii Brown, Director of Public Relations and Promotions at the Maui Visitors & Convention Bureau, announced he was going to do the drawing for the grand-prize giveaway: two round-trip airline tickets, six nights lodging (two nights each at the Kaanapali Beach Hotel, Hotel Moloka’i, and the Fairmont Kea Lani) and a rental car.

I loudly quipped “Just to warn you, I dropped 10 business cards into the bucket.”

Five seconds later, they announced my name. In an out-of-body moment, I panicked, retracted with “Just kidding, totally legit here!”

I instinctively jumped up like I was the next contestant on the Price is Right, but Kelii (who has zero resemblance to Bob Barker or Drew Carey) did not make any indication it was appropriate to maul him. So, in a Mary Katherine Gallagher “Superstar” moment, I lunged forward and shouted:

“I’M GOING TO MAUI!”

The organizers said it was their best reaction yet. I’m sure my fellow attendees who had not won thought otherwise.

On a funny sidenote: The only time I’ve ever been to Hawaii was when I was five and my dad won a trip from a raffle at work. It’s about time something ran in the family other than big feet and crappy eyesight.

My husband was, of course, thrilled at the news and we quickly decided to bring our kids along because they are dying to go to Hawaii. We figured even with that additional cost (the trip is only for two people) along with paying the taxes, food and activities, it will be so worth it. We also decided to tack on two extra nights at Napili Kai Beach Resort.

To surprise the kids, we concocted a treasure hunt with the final clue leading them to my son’s (messy) bedroom where I had set out his tropical swim suit and Hawaiian shirt. Their reaction at the news?

: (Celebratory chokehold did not cause permanent damage)

Note: It became slightly less enthusiastic when we announced most of our Christmas money would go toward paying for them to come on the trip but we all feel lucky and extremely blessed.

Now, excuse me while I go buy a lottery ticket.

Filed Under: Family travel, Favorite Posts, Humor, travel

Pumpkin season is a wrap with the school’s pumpkin drop

November 5, 2013 By Amber

When Bode’s school announced they were doing a pumpkin drop fundraiser for the Colorado flood victims the day after Halloween, we were all in. It was for a great cause and we figured we needed to cut up the pumpkin anyway so why not do it in front of a crowd?

So 695-pound Elbert was the star for the day, which was pretty nice for him since his big brother 1,220-pound Stanley got all the limelight this season. (Read about Stanley’s dismantling here).
We even let kids climb all over him for once because he was near death anyway.

The PTA organized all kinds of fun games like pumpkin bowling, a pumpkin splat where people chucked their pumpkins at a target and then another where they were dropped from a ladder. Twelve lucky kids had their names drawn to have their pumpkins released from a fire truck. I’d like to think Hadley and her friend were marveling at the height of the crane, not the cute firefighters. Give it a few years.

Talk about an impressive drop and of course, Bode and his buddies thought it was awesome.
“Homerun!”

We did not have the proper equipment to lift and drop Elbert so while the other pumpkins met their death, Jamie started cutting Elbert open for the seeds. When everyone saw what he was doing, they raced over and a pumpkin celebrity was borne.

Kids and adults were begging him for seeds. He denied most…he has people all over the world who have already spoken for them but he did relent when some started offering him money. I was proud when he didn’t take the money from the desperate 5-year-old waving his dollar bill. That kid has a future as a pumpkin geek.

Looking inside the giant pumpkin

And just what did Elbert look like on the inside? The meat wasn’t very thick at all–the reason why Elbert went way lighter than his measurements.

My friend Amie and her mom Sara were so darn cute–they’re The Pumpkin Man’s biggest fans.

We found many new uses for Elbert, including the portion that was used a rocking chair.

Little did that kid’s mom know her son would come home covered in pumpkin guts.

When people saw Jamie was preoccupied with cutting up the pumpkin, they started asking me questions. One woman had grandkids at the fundraiser and was thrilled when I scored her a seed. “I read about you in the newspaper,” she raved (referring to this funny article here where Jamie was made to sound like a local celebrity).

Her husband soon approached and as I was talking to him about Jamie’s insanity (particularly the part where he monitors the temperatures of his early-season hoop houses from a temperature gauge near our bed), he said Jamie sounded just like a guy he saw on TV.

Then, there was that awkward moment when he realized we were those crazies who appeared on the Marriage Ref battling it out about pumpkins. I assured him we were still together and all was well well.

So, this is the official end of pumpkin season. One of Jamie’s pumpkin buddies left me a cautionary note on Facebook:

Please make sure you watch Jamie closely for signs of Post Pumpkin Depression…obvious signs are hiding money to purchase seeds at auction. Watch for invoices for next years pumpkin supplies. Only cure I know is to start preparations for next year by hauling large amount of compost, leaves and manure. This should not be confused with Pumpkin Envy which is more serious.

I’m bracing myself for the fallout.

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, Marriage Ref, pumpkins

Halloween 2013: A wig-fighting, sugar-coma-inducing great time

November 4, 2013 By Amber

Confession: I often look enviously at families who dress up to a theme at Halloween because that likely ain’t ever going to happen. I mean, just look at my friend Lisa’s clan as the Adams Family.

Her husband is a plastic surgeon. I can only imagine the transformations they’ll undergo in the future.

Jamie isn’t the dress-up type (besides his lame pumpkin hat) and my kids prefer mainstream (read: boring) costumes. But I guess I’ll take what I can get with Luigi and Harry Potter’s Bellatrix Lestrange, right?
I won’t mention the “creative differences” Hadley and I had regarding her wig she begged me to buy but then later deemed “too big.”
Girl wouldn’t last even one day with my ‘fro.

With the kids in two different schools, I’m normally racing around to their different schedules but Halloween worked to my advantage. Bode’s party was in the morning.

While Hadley’s was in the afternoon.Note the lack of wig. You win some, you lose some.

I made oodles of tasty pumpkin treats all week including pumpkin muffins and pumpkin pancakes with caramel apple cream cheese syrup. Papa John’s was advertising their pumpkin-shaped pizzas and I admittedly have become a pizza snob, refusing to buy the disgusting sodium-drenched frozen ones and only occasionally indulging in greasy restaurant pies for our family’s traditional Friday Pizza & Movie Nights. Our homemade ones are so much tastier with our backcountry honey pizza crusts.

Basically, my goal was for us not to eat anything healthy on Halloween. Mission accomplished!

Our neighborhood is about as family-friendly as it gets and Halloween is a non-stop party! We met at the fire station a stone’s throw away from my house for treats, drinks, pictures and friends.

Fun at the fire station

Then set out on a parade that was led by one of the fire trucks.
Two different kids, same Minecraft costume. Can someone please explain to me how that was one of the most popular costumes this year? “Look how cute Timmie looks. Oh wait. His head is a block.”

Jamie and I usually swap off taking the kids trick-or-treating and staying home to hand out candy. But this year, my feet were killing me so Jamie was on Operation Get Candy duty. They came back after only 20 minutes with half-full buckets. Good mom that I am, I sent ‘em back out ’til this babies were full. Mama has an Almond Joy sweet tooth to fill.

Judging from their sugar coma, I’d say Halloween ’13 was a success.

Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, holidays, Humor, Jamie Tagged With: Halloween

The Tale of Two Giant Pumpkins

November 1, 2013 By Amber

It’s always a bit of a letdown when Halloween is over, particularly when I have a house chock full of decorations to remove. This year was one of our favorites ever because of all the parties and pumpkins. A friend commented, “You seem to have posted more pumpkin pictures on Facebook than usual this year.” Not sure if she meant it as a compliment or critique but I’ll take it as the former.

The murder of Stanley the Pumpkin

Usually we put the Great Pumpkin on the driveway and it sits there ’til Halloween. This year, our friend Phil generously lent us his flatbed trailer for the entire month so the Great Pumpkin sat in front of our house while also going to fall festivals and the kids’ schools.

Next year: world tour?

But there’s a sad tale about Jamie’s 1,220-pound beast, Stanley. About a week after we got him professionally carved, he started rotting out quickly and then the squirrels came in for the attack. With as much pomp and circumstance as Stanley came into the world, his was a quiet, dignified death as Jamie cut him up and composted him back into the pumpkin patch a couple of weeks ago. Sniff.

So, pumpkin No. 2 “Elbert” was the shining star for Halloween. Weighing in at only 695 pounds, Elbert was the ugly, warty step-sister but still shone brightly last night.

It’s a tradition for kids to pose every Halloween with the Great Pumpkin, like our darling neighbors

Our neighborhood is renowned for having great trick-or-treating so we get a lot of transplants who bilk our treats and festivities. I don’t mind but I can always tell who they are because they marvel at how big it is i.e. “that is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen!”

On the other hand, the kids in our area have seen it all month so we only got complaints from them. “What happened to the big one!?”

High-maintenance, I tell ya. They didn’t know how good they had it.

For details of Stanley’s demise, go to Jamie’s blog denverpumpkins.com. Also, stay tuned for details on our Halloween festivities!

Filed Under: Humor, pumpkins Tagged With: Halloween, pumpkin

The Ward Halloween Party: A Doughnut-eating, Jell-O Dunking Great Time!

October 31, 2013 By Amber

Every year, our LDS church congregation puts on a gangbusters Halloween party with carnival games, trick-or-treating and lots of tasty food. This was the year of Harry Potter–we read the books and watched the movies so Hadley’s costume de choix? None other than the evil Bellatrix Lestrange. Bode begged to be Mario for the third year in the row but I put a kibosh on that. Kind of.

Bellatrix Lestrange versus Luigi

In keeping with tradition, I present the pumpkin and his widow.
Is there any wonder why I’m crazy about this guy?

The young women in our ward manned the booths and I attempted to assist the poor, stressed-out gal reattaching the doughnuts on a string. Until I realized she was replacing the entire string for every person. When I told her that wasn’t necessary, she primly cited hygienic concerns.

Bellatrix needed her wand for this one.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her about the slobber-fest-that-is-bobbing-for-apples of my youth.

Monitoring the Jell-O eating contest was more my speed and I was proud when Luigi won not one, not two, but three in a row.

The pie-eating contest a few weeks ago must have served as a great training ground.

Of course, the party wouldn’t be nearly as fun without our besties. I got a bit teary-eyed at church last week as I looked at the many fabulous friends my children have and what stellar, righteous, fun and hard-working families they have. All of them are tremendous examples to us.

Bellatrix and Cinderella; Luigi and the boys; Bellatrix vs.Hermione showdown

Really, the only fail that night was my refreshment. I’ve been pinning oodles of creative treat ideas on Pinterest but when push came to shove, I only had 15 minutes to pull something together and so this is what we concocted.
Many friends complimented me on my puking pumpkin but I brushed them off. Obviously they do not know the grandeur that is Pinterest. Better luck next party!

Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, holidays, Humor, LDS Tagged With: Halloween

A Frightfully Fun Hotel Stay at Nightmare on Curtis Street

October 30, 2013 By Amber

After a while, Halloween memories start to blur together. Dress up, trick-or-treat, gorge on candy. Lather, rinse, repeat. But last weekend, my family experienced a Halloween event we will never forget. We attended the Nightmare on Curtis Street at the Curtis – A DoubleTree by Hilton. Each year during the month of October, the Curtis Hotel in downtown Denver, Colorado transforms its 13th floor into a haunted house for a most memorable Halloween.

The Curtis – A Doubletree Hotel

This family-friendly, pop-culture hotel is dedicated to all things quirky. Case in point: last summer’s pop-up, inflatable room that rose 22 feet in the air.

The hallway of each of the 16 floors boasts a different theme, like One-hit Wonders, Big Hair, and Dance. The playful lobby hosts impromptu hula hoop contests and offers board games for check-out as well as a small book-filled library.

The 13th floor’s theme is Horror. I’m not the ghost-hunting type and at ages 7 and 9, neither are my kids. I’d think twice about staying somewhere that claimed to be legitimately haunted but I took a gamble that my family would love Nightmare on Curtis Street.

Click to keep reading our fun experiences and why my children may have clown issues after this.

Filed Under: Bode, Colorado, Family, Family travel, Hadley, holidays, Humor Tagged With: Denver, Halloween

What movies scared you as a child?

October 28, 2013 By Amber

We just returned from an overnight stay at The Curtis-a DoubleTree by Hilton in downtown Denver where each of their 16 floors is dedicated to a different theme. Their 13th floor is “horror” and for Halloween they converted in into a veritable haunted house with a haunted elevator ride, hallways dripping with cobwebs, staffers dressed up in creepy costumes like a clown and Freddie Krueger, and redrum “murder” scrawled across our bathroom mirror with spiders and bugs all over the sink. One of the rooms had a bar with a creepy lady serving up treats and shots…in the head.

Sounds scary? It might have been for young kids but we had so much fun interacting with the playful characters that we spent our entire evening laughing! (More details on it later).

I’m pretty careful about the shows our kids watch and they had never heard of any of the creepers we encountered in those hallways but I must confess we unintentionally traumatized our daughter a few years ago.

Click to read on

Filed Under: Hadley, Humor

The Glorious Broadmoor: In Pictures

October 22, 2013 By Amber

Sometimes I’m way too verbose for my own good so here’s a pictorial glimpse at our Labor Day weekend at The Broadmoor, Colorado Springs’ AAA Five-Diamond resort. I was on-assignment to write about their new Ranch at Emerald Valley through a child’s eyes (read about it here). It was one trip that would’ve made me wish I could be a kid again…if I wasn’t having the time of my life.

Hands down, our favorite activity at The Broadmoor is hanging out at the glorious infinity pool.

Usually we paddleboat around pristine Cheyenne Lake but this time we took the electric boats for a spin.
Apparently it was a very serious matter for the Boy Captains.

Sometimes you just need a break from the water for some Magic Treehouse moments.

We usually spend at least an hour in The Broadmoor Children’s Shop.

Everything is bigger and better there.

We also did some very serious gaming.

And we just had a wonderful time hanging out together.

Did I mention The Broadmoor’s coffee shop Expresso’s has wisely replicated the cronut craze (think: half-donut, half-croissant) that is sweeping New York City? This was their basic cinnamon-sugar Broadmoor Donut, which was melt-in-your-mouth amazing. I may-or-may-not have almost started weeping when, on the drive home, they announced their new flavors for fall: Pumpkin Spice & Apple Broadmoor Donuts.

We first took the kids to The Broadmoor when they were 3 and 1 and one of their favorite things to do is play on the elevators.

I love this shot. Doesn’t it look like it could have been taken out of their archives?

One afternoon while Jamie got a massage and I hiked the Upper Columbine Trail (details on that tomorrow), the kiddos went to the resort’s Bee Bunch kid’s club.

They had a great time. I think. This picture could go either way.

We can’t go to The Broadmoor without partaking in their legendary brunch.

Bonus: no children threw tantrums during this photo shoot (unlike last time in Tearing Families Apart and Bringing Them Back Together).

And why would they freak out when they have a spread like this?

Lest you think our trip to The Broadmoor is all about food, you would be correct. Cases in point: room service.

And we instituted a new family tradition at PLAY, The Broadmoor’s luxury retro six-lane bowling alley, game room and eatery: we started with desserts first, followed by the main course topped off by appetizers.
Upon returning home, I spent hours and hours writing about our experiences and was relieved when their magazine editor loved it. As payment for their writers, they give us a return trip so we can stay and play at our leisure.