Baby H
Me: “Can you please go upstairs and look for my phone?”
Hadley (after a few minutes of searching): “I can’t find it.”
Me: “Do you want me to call it?”
Hadley: “Yes.”
Me (at the top of my lungs): “Phone, where are you?!”
Hadley: “Never mind.”
The Roadshow
November 27, 2015 By
Every four years, all the youth ages 12-17 in our wards (congregations) from our stake (our city’s entire geographic area) perform a roadshow–a 15-minute play/musical they write themselves. This year, our theme was “Latter-day Avengers” and all seven wards made a fantastic effort. Some were funny. Some inspiring. Some sang. Some had celebrity appearances à la Scott Sterling, who has become an icon in Mormon folklore.
But really, the evening is about camaraderie with our fellow Saints and a lot of laughter. Some of these kids are performers, most aren’t and I love that kids who aren’t normally the superstars have their chance to shine. I know I’m biased but 2nd Ward did the very best, thanks (in large part) to the new musical power couple who moved into our ward and oversaw the project.
I was excited for Hadley and Bode to see what they’ll be participating in four years from now and they were pleasantly surprised how fun it was. Hadley was having a blast…until our ward performed and she saw every single one of her close friends was participating except for her.
Age 11 is an awkward age in the Church, especially when you’re the youngest of your peers. Upon turning 12, kids move up into our Young Men/Young Women organization where they meet for weekly activities…but she’s stuck in Primary (the children’s organization) until May while all her friends have moved on. I tried to distract her but it reemphasized we need to make her feel as involved as possible because the next six months are going to be tough.
My friend Debbie did a fantastic job entertaining the crowd as MC and between performances, she told corny Mormon jokes. For another, she had a silly basketball competition. I was having a good time until she declared “open mic night” where members of the audience could come share a joke. Bode started bouncing in his seat like Tigger. “I want to go up there!” he exclaimed. Startled, I whispered back, “what’s your joke?” because, let’s face it, sometimes 9-year-old boys’ gross-out humor is anything but humorous. He ignored me and gosh darn if he wasn’t the second kid to get up there and share his corny, cute joke in front of 200 people. Can we please have a collective “WHEW?!”
During the next break, Debbie opened it up to the adults to share a funny story of their spouse. What?! This one was fine-tuned for me. Do I not have an entire blog worth of fodder about The Pumpkin Man?!
Here’s a little sidenote: I practically had to drag Jamie to the roadshow because the BYU football game was on and he’s obsessed. We compromised that I would call him when it was our ward’s turn and he’d race over to watch. Unfortunately, Debbie’s proposition happened when Jamie was there.
My arm shot up. Jamie, alarmed, realizing that this would be about him, grabbed my arm and enveloped me in a straitjacket. “I cannot be contained!” I protested but we were at the back so Debbie didn’t hear my cries and I missed the opportunity to share with the world Jamie’s mouse sleep-walking story.
The censorship on my performance? I shall call it The Silence of the Lambs.
Death by Cuteness
November 23, 2015 By
I’m not one to glamorize my kids’ early years. Sure, they were fun but my gosh, they were a lot of work and I wouldn’t go back.
Until I was cruising through Jamie’s old phone and saw this picture we took of the kids in 2011 at Park City and I was overwhelmed by cuteness.
Facebook often does flashbacks of past posts to remind you just how much has changed. Unless you encounter a gem like this:
Humble Hadley to brother Bode: “Are you mad because I do beautiful things?”
And you realize not much has changed at all.
City Hall: The Disneyland of Fieldtrips
November 20, 2015 By
Bode is having a blast as a part of our school’s student council and was thrilled when he heard they would get to miss school to go on a field trip to City Hall, which is the equivalent to spending the day at Disneyland.
Until he realized it was during his recess, lunch and P.E.
Fortunately, he bounced back quickly because he was going to meet the mayor.
Until he was a no-show.
Fortunately, a very informative City Councilmember-At-Large gave an awesome tour and he was joined by our City Manager and Deputy Manager, which is kind of like having Minnie, Pluto and Donald, and you almost forget that Mickey couldn’t come.
Our city’s leadership wisely started the kids with pizza and cookies, which would make any presentation fascinating and I was impressed that our group was so attentive. After reviewing the nuts and bolts of running our city, he unleashed the kids to the stand. If I had been a better listener, I could give you the correct vernacular but all you need to know is there were microphones. And cushy seats. And buttons that light up when you vote!
Each of the kids got a chance to give their two cents in what would make the school run better. Bode proposed “free doughnut Wednesdays” and to have video games in the computer lab. No wonder he’s so popular.
But it was our neighbor Maddie who had my vote when the councilmember asked the definition of “integrity.” She bravely raised her hand and said, “I’m not sure but my dad watches a lot of Bill O’Reilly. I think it has something to do with that.”
Let’s hope she doesn’t go into politics.
Parenthood Lesson #35,305
November 11, 2015 By
I am chomping at the bit to get outside and play every day. And every day after school, all Hadley and Bode want to do is chill out and unwind. Who can blame them, really? They’ve just spent eight hours holed up in a veritable prison of lunch ladies, algebra and spelling tests.
I’ve tried to give them space and time, even though it’s not in my DNA. I always need to be doing something and it drives me nuts to be stuck inside the house.
Hadley, in particular has been resistant to it. Or rather, she’s the most vocal about it. Even if Bode doesn’t want to do something, he’ll reluctantly do it because he’s a pleaser. Hadley? She’ll do what she wants and only when she wants to do it. They’ve both had these personalities since they came out of the womb.
So, I’ve been careful with my words. I don’t want to demand too much of Bode because he’ll always do it but it should never be unfair to him. And for Hadley, I try to limit my requests to things that need to get done because I’m frequently greeted with resistance or “WHY?”
My friend Lisa recently called me in a panic to pickup Hadley’s bestie Alex from school. No problem. Hadley was out on the trampoline and knowing this would be something she’d be excited about, I tested the waters to see how she’d respond without first knowing what I asked of her.
“Hadley, I need you!”
“OK, Mom.”
“Wait. What? No ‘what do you want me to do?’ Or ‘I’m busy right now’?”
“OK then. What do you want me to do? Can’t you see I’m busy right now?”
Lesson learned: Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
This might be my most sincere thank-you card ever
November 10, 2015 By
It’s not very often we ever receive “just because” dinners but that is what our thoughtful neighbor Joyce did when she dropped off some delicious chili one cold night. At least I assume it was tasty because I wouldn’t know.
“Dear Joyce–This is not a thank-you note for me, but from Jamie who ate all your delicious chili without sharing. He said I should get your recipe so I can make him even more delicious chili. So, thank you (I think). Love, Amber”
The cute and not-so cute of Halloween
November 2, 2015 By
Lest you think my family is Halloween-obsessed, you’d be correct. My mom always went all-out with our homemade costumes and I have such wonderful memories of friends, family and trick-or-treating marathons around our area.
Here’s a a glimpse at some of our extended clan’s festivities.
Jamie’s sister Tammy had a Wizard of Oz theme. If they kept with traditions, they setup a huge screen on their front lawn in Salt Lake City and showed classic black-and-white movies on Halloween night.
I was feeling weird that I have more Halloween decorations than Christmas until I saw my brother Pat and sister-in-law Jane’s storage:
Jamie: I NEED MORE DECORATIONS!!!
Jane always throws a killer pumpkin-carving party with 50+ friends and family.
Not to be forgotten: my niece’s darling angelic and devilish kiddos:
And for my brother Jade? There are no words.
He responded to our mullet insults on Facebook: “If I would’ve had more time the full duct man costume would’ve been re-created this year!!”
Counting our blessings on that one. He’s newly single and ready for the taking, Ladies.
Happy Halloween!
November 1, 2015 By
As much as I love Halloween, it made me a bit sad this year. The kids are growing up fast–too fast–and let’s face it: Halloween just isn’t the same without little kids. This Facebook flashback from five years ago tells the tale with our cute Mario and Princess Peach. Apparently the only thing that hasn’t changed is Jamie’s pumpkin obsession.
Hadley in particular looked so grownup as an archer. Aren’t my girl and maple tree gorgeous?
My friend Suzy was generous enough to send Bode a legit NASA costume, which he beefed up with Jamie’s scary pumpkin mask. Um, OK.
Between our ward’s truck-or-treat and class parties, there was plenty of fun.
Sixth grade
The Pumpkins also made celebrity appearances at the Volunteers of America Halloween party for homeless families….
…And visited our local high school’s special needs kids and our kids’ school. Bode proudly made a speech while Hadley pretended she didn’t know us. I wore my embarrassing pumpkin glasses just for her.
Our neighborhood has been ranked #5 as the best neighborhoods to trick-or-treat in Denver, which I attribute to our fire station that hosts a party and fire-truck-led procession, and then the countless families that go all-out for Halloween. That parade has been one of our highlights–it’s so fun seeing all our friends dressed up but Hadley was among the oldest so her days are numbered.
Jake, Noah, Nicky, Bode, Vinny and Curtis
Our superhero neighbors
Another reason for my nostalgia: gone are the days when we trick-or-treat as a family. My friend Julie took Bode out with all his besties while I threw a party for the tweens in our ward. A few of the girls dressed for fashion, not comfort (roockies) and after an hour, ditched their shoes to go barefoot. Hadley could have trick-or-treated for hours (chip off the old block) but when you have half your group blistered and limping, you call it early after a mere hour and a half, go back to your house to review and trade your stash, and watch a spooky movie.
And yes, I was the killjoy who kept yelling at Waldo to STOP HIDING SO I COULD TAKE A PICTURE.
Happy Halloween 2015!
Pinewood Derby Drama
October 29, 2015 By
The Pinewood Derby. Every Cub Scout’s dream. Every father’s worst nightmare.
To let you know Bode’s pedigree: As a kid, Jamie won first place locally and his brother Chris competed against hundreds of cars to win regionals. The Pinewood Derby is serious business for the Johnson clan
This year, my boys were in it for the win. They researched YouTube videos for the best strategies and implemented a risky three-wheeled design with purposely bent axles and a rail-riding strategy.
There were four lanes so each car raced once in each lane. I joked to our friends I wouldn’t tell them which car was ours unless we won. 
He triumphed in the first heat.
And his second.
He dominated the third.
And won the fourth heat for a clean sweep.
We assumed he’d win best overall average because he beat every car (including the overall winner) but in the end, he took second place–the difference between first and second place was a mere 0.03 seconds.
That night before bedtime for scriptures and prayers, I read a touching story from the Friend, the Church’s children’s publication. It was about a father obsessed with winning the Pinewood Derby. They were on track to go to the winner’s bracket when his 8-year-old son pulled him aside and told him he was supposed to go head-to-head with a boy with disabilities who hadn’t won any heats.
“Dad, we need to do something to my car to make sure Steve wins.”
The dad was humbled by his son’s gesture so ruined the alignment on the car. Steve was thrilled to win the race and there were two winners that day.
After reading the story, there was a long pause. Was my sweet, thoughtful boy as touched as I was about this kid who gave up the chance to be in the winner’s circle so another could win?
Bode finally responded, “Oh, let’s not do that.”
He’s more like his father than I thought.
The 245th Annual Giant Pumpkin Party
October 26, 2015 By
I’ve lost track of how many pumpkin parties we’ve thrown in honor of the Great Pumpkin but it seems like a lot. Despite a lackluster growing season, Jamie managed to produce a respectable beast that weighed 747 pounds. It was almost half the size of Stanley from 2012:
But still impressive. And without Stanley’s sour expression.
In years past, we’ve admitted only pumpkin treats for the party but I staged a coup and opened up the menu so our 50 guests brought a delicious variety of fall dishes. Jamie complained until I made his favorite caramel apple squares…and then he shut right up.
Someday, our friends will tell stories of that crazy Johnson family that grew giant pumpkins and threw a party in their honor.
And we’ll tell stories of our friends who were crazy enough to come.
I'm a Canadian-born mom of two, former Denver Post columnist, family travel writer, editor of MileHighMamas.com and 9News contributor. Expert on all things Utah, Denver, family and travel. Lover of laughter and life. Happily married to a man obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin. 