Let’s Make Lots of Money

August 2, 2007 By

We have enjoyed a glorious week of playgrounds, ponds, picnics and potty training. All right, so maybe the latter activity is significantly less than glorious and my patience is beginning to wear thin is positively anorexic.

Yesterday, I set the children loose at a fountain park. Or rather, I set the Hurricane loose.

Ever-cautious Bode analyzed these shooting streams of chlorine and calculated the associated risks. After a half hour, he hesitatingly made his approach, only to scurry back to me each time.


His downfall was not the actual fountain but rather, the brief interlude when it stopped spewing. If the kid had any sense about him, he would know that Old Faithful is just that: faithful. And those cool bubbles that formed in the interim turned very quickly into an onslaught of water.

That is where good parenting comes in.

Or at least, it should. Unless you’re out for a laugh.

It did not end well for little Bode.

While I was taking pictures of our outing, I was reminded of a hot topic at BlogHer regarding the monetization of blogs. This was highly controversial among the Mommy Bloggers in particular because critics say by having ads we are just using our children to make a buck.

And so in the light of exploitation, I am proud to announce Bode’s future with a certain sporting goods company:

And Hadley? Surely there must be some money in the en*ema market….

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Colorado, Hadley, Humor

Reader Beware: Painful Potty Trainathon in Progress

July 25, 2007 By

We are in the throes woes of potty training the Hurricane. One would question our timing with Jamie’s recent business trip to Kansas on Monday and mine to Chicago tomorrow. But with Mexico and preschool next month, we knew we had to make a move. Again.

As many of you know, this is not our first attempt. In fact, she was almost trained about five months ago until she woke up one day and announced she was retiring from the potty business. She assured me there was surely a better way to spend her time than wasting it on the porcelain throne (with a major emphasis on waste).

And she has not used it ever since. No amount of rewards, pressure or bribery have worked so I am in need of ideas. Fast. Many people have consoled me that she just turned three and “to just give it time.”

It is time. Supernanny time. [Cue music and the sound of weeping parents.]

Jamie and I were lying in bed flipping through the channels on his new HDTV a few weeks ago (a battle I clearly lost) when we came across that British vixen. Her latest conquest was a family in Hawaii who had a 3-year-old boy. Cute little Nathan enjoyed locking his brother in the stove, causing chaos at bedtime and defecating his diaper. Cute little Nathan needed a makeover.

Supernanny started by completely ditching the diapers except for at bedtime and presented him with full-time underwear. Cold turkey. And shockingly, Nathan rose to the occasion.

We perked up. If this little delinquent could do it, so could our bright Haddie. Err…right?

Wrooooooong! We are one week into full-time Dora panties and Hadley still will not go unless we encourage coax harass her. She has also peed everywhere except for the potty.

And then there is poop. The girl has yet to do it anywhere except for her underwear or diaper. In fact, it has become a game for her to see how long she can hold out. She gets this ability from me. Some of you may remember when, on a backpacking trip, my friend Dave christened me The Camel of the Pee World for my ability to hold out for an incredibly long time.

That was before I had children. I now live in The Pee Like a Racehorse World.

The other night just before bed, we changed Hadley into a diaper and within moments she pooped. Triumphantly, she squealed over her “victory” and gave us a look that said, “I WON BY HOLDING IT IN ALL DAY, YOU UNGRATEFUL PARENTS WHO NO LONGER WANT TO WIPE MY BUTT.”

Rest assured, this will be the inscription on her tombstone:


I should know. Because if this keeps up, we’ll probably be the ones who send her there.
© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Hadley, Humor, issues

High on a Mountain Top Part I

July 15, 2007 By

Greetings from my mountain paradise!

I have decided the Frisco/ Breckenridge area is the location of our future vacation home for the following reasons:

Gorgeous mountains: check
Nearby lake: check
Close proximity to Denver: check
Extensive network of hiking trails and paved bikepaths: check
Cool resort town: check

I excitedly shared my list with Jamie and elucidated that everything is in place. Until my bubble was burst:

“Sure, Amber. Everything except for the financing.”

Oh yeah, that little detail. Undeterred, I will keep dreaming and am grateful for our generous neighbors who loaned us their condo overlooking Lake Dillon for the weekend. Jamie had to work until late Friday so I had the brilliant plan to go up early with the kids. Exactly 28.5 hours early (but who is counting?) Well, I definitely would have if it had been a disaster but my gamble miraculously paid off.

The kids were positively jubilant as we arrived at the condo and strolled along the lake at sunset. On Friday, we had planned to bike to Keystone resort in what would have been a 20-mile roundtrip trek. You know, the day before my BIG RIDE with Jamie. It took only a few miles on the trail for me to rescind my plan because I just didn’t want the poor kids to be stuck in the bike trailer for too long. Oh yeah, and because I was dog tired hauling them.

The roller-coaster lakeside trail was breathtaking and upon arriving in the charming hamlet of Dillon, we stumbled upon a farmer’s market adjacent to the marina. I ardently declared, “This is the place” and unloaded my charges.

It did not take long for us to become swept away in it all: the live band, the vibrant marketplace, the scrumptious fare, the pulsating playground and the dock that became the surreal focal point for rock-throwing, fishing and cloud watching.

I called Jamie at work. You know, to rub it in just a little bit. He listened enviously as I described our backdrop until my reverie was punctured by:

“HADLEY, GET OUT OF THERE!!”

She had waded waist-deep into the reservoir.

Jamie chuckled, all envy gone, as he was reminded of his glorious gift of peace; 28.5 hours of it to be exact.

So much for rubbing it in….

In Part II of High on a Mountain Top: loads of pictures and the sordid details of The Big Ride.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Colorado, Family, Family travel, Hadley

Lessons learned from a park, a boy and a woman

June 22, 2007 By

A couple of years ago, a friend invited me to join her playgroup at Belmar Park. It was a glorious sunny day, the kind you relish as you watch your 1-year-old test out her wobbly legs like a baby bird taking flight.

As the mothers talked freely, the children played. They splashed in the stream, giggled on the train, squealed at the animals in the petting zoo and rolled in the grass. It was one of those times when everything just seemed right.

Until I met Daniel. Actually, it was my sweet daughter Hadley who instigated the introduction. She had wobbled over to a corner of the park about 30 feet away from our perch and had innocently plopped down beside this little boy. He was tow-headed, bespectacled and I will never forget his bottomless smiles. I will also not forget his accompanying oxygen tank.

I am unsure if he was with his mother or a caregiver but we started talking. Daniel was just a couple months older than Hadley but half her size and severely handicapped. But this child emanated a light like I have never seen. A light that spilled over as he eagerly watched the children play around him.

In those brief moments that we spoke, I had such a strong connection with this woman as she longingly looked over at our exclusive circle of friends. A voice screamed inside of me, “INVITE THEM OVER! She is in desperate need of companionship!”

But I did not.

I had my reasons, albeit superficial ones. After all, I did not know this woman, she did not know me. And besides, this was not my playgroup; I was already crashing it. How would it appear if I invited a complete stranger over?

That woman has probably long forgotten that day.

I have not.

It made me do some serious self-examination regarding how as women we can be the most amazingly supportive, thoughtful and loving yet also host a darker side of judgement, fear and cattiness. Why do we even have the ridiculous “Mommy Wars?” How is it we cannot just put aside our differences and relish in all those commonalities that bond us together?

It was a much-needed lesson. And I am slowly learning to listen to that voice and watch for those in need. And the toughest step of all: to look outside myself and take action.

I just wish I had listened the first time around because the image of Daniel is one that this mom will never forget.

Filed Under: Hadley

Father’s Day Finale

June 18, 2007 By

It started out as a regular Sunday. I woke up at the crack of dawn, showered, tended to the kids, made Jamie’s favorite breakfast (gingerbread pancakes with fresh apple marmalade and whipped cream), followed by a backrub.

OK, so the fact that it was Father’s Day probably had something to do with it.

When we finally arrived at church, I noticed on the program that the Primary kids were singing a couple of songs dedicated unto the dads in the congregation. Hadley is in what is called Nursery; kind of the preschool to the Big Primary Kahuna and will move up in January. The problem is all her little buddies are a bit older and have already made the transition.

So, on the program I noted the Primary was singing her favorite song: “I’m so glad when Daddy comes home,” a little ditty she’s been singing since she could barely talk. I hesitated, wondering if my little social butterfly would be ill-at-ease performing a song she’d never practiced in front of huge congregation. So I simply asked if she’d like to sing it with the big Primary kids. The response?

Ohhhhh yeah!

In fact, she could barely sit still leading up to her debut performance. I even tried to do a practice run as a refresher but she got mad, saying she wasn’t going to sing it now. Silly me.

When it came time, she practically skipped to the front of the chapel and plopped herself front and center. And as if expecting all eyes should naturally fall upon her, she prepared herself to perform.

The only problem was that I failed to tell her they were singing two songs, the first of which she did not know.

The music started and for a moment, Hadley faltered. She cautiously looked around as if thinking, “This was NOT in my contract.” But while the other young children either looked bored out of their minds or like a deer in headlights, the Hurricane took a different approach.

“She is…she is…she is….” Jamie laughingly faltered.
“What? What is she doing?”
“She is lip-syncing the words!” he finally spewed out.

Sure enough, my little Hurricane was faking it, evidently so as not to disappoint her publics.

But the best reaction of all was when the second song came on, her song. She immediately perked up, SHOUTED the words, and acted out the actions such as “put my arms around his neck, hug him tight like this.” The kid gave an Oscar-worthy performance.

When it came time to “give him a great, big kiss,” Jamie and I were about ready to pee our pants as she dramatically swept out her arm and blew him a smoocher.

She was so proud of herself and had no idea that she, the youngest kid up there, had left the entire ward in stitches. And had made the biggest, funniest, cutest fool of herself imaginable.

And as for me? I was the proud mama all day. After all, it is sometimes nice to know the apple does not fall far from the tree. :-)

So let’s spill it: your kid’s best performance story in school, church, etc.
© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Hadley, Humor, Jamie

What NOT to teach your 3-year-old daughter

June 14, 2007 By

[Overheard while Jamie corrupted Hadley by watching Chevy Chase's Vacation on television.]

“Daddy, what are they doing?”

“Looking for a place to dispose of the body, Sweetie.”

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Hadley, Humor, Jamie

A Good-bye to a dear, dear friend

June 7, 2007 By

Hurricane Hadley is finished with naps. At least she thinks she is. I, however, have a dissenting opinion.

For three long years of riding the roller-coaster of colic, tantrums and general insubordination, naptime has been my only reprieve. Sometimes I passed out and took a nap, too. Sometimes I blogged. Other times I cooked and cleaned. And not to be forgotten is when I just stared at the wall and blubbered away incomprehensibly. Those were the particularly tough days.

Shortly after her 3rd birthday, Hadley’s internal clock informed her she was done. I admit I did not greet the clock’s assertions with happiness. I resisted and we clashed over and over again. My reasoning is if this is a veritable clock, then why doesn’t it tell her to use the potty? That is what I would say if I was a timepiece.

Of course, my resistance is selfish and maybe I should be the kind of mother who thinks, “Oh goody! Another two hours with my daughter!” But I am not. I am perfectly content with the other 12 hours I have with her.

Rather, I view my resistance as survival. Those two hours were my only opportunity to recharge, rejuvenate and reflect upon what a blessing it is to be at home to watch my children blossom.

My husband and I want to have another baby next year and I am apprehensive about having The Hurricane bounce off the walls all day long during that exhausting and sickly first trimester. Oh yeah, and the third trimester won’t be a walk in the park, either. Because I will need a break when this old whale is blubbered and beached.

I know this is just one of “Life’s Passages” I need to accept. But please tell me you’ve been here, you’ve felt this and know my pain.

And to all those well-intentioned women who have advised me that I can just implement “Quiet Time?”

What in heaven’s name is that? There is a reason she is called The Hurricane….

Filed Under: Hadley, Humor

Detachment Parenting

June 3, 2007 By

Our community had a big ol‘ garage sale on Saturday. Jamie and I stopped at a house a few blocks away and struck up a casual conversation with the home owners. It took only a few seconds for me to realize I was talking to The Urban Legend of our neighborhood. Err…or I guess that would be Suburban Legend.

Rumors have circulated for a few years that this woman sent her child off to college and decided whilst in her 40s to start from scratch and get pregnant…20 years after the first. And she was rewarded with not one but twin girls Hadley’s exact same age.

Well, I was ecstatic to meet The Legend! We immediately hit it off and talked of future playdates. Jamie asked if she was sending them to our local elementary school and she responded affirmatively. I then asked if they were going to preschool.

“Yes, they’re going to ________.”

“Oh great! That is where Hadley is going in the fall!”

“Well, admittedly I am pretty reluctant to send them. I just don’t think I can bear to be without them. You know what I’m talking about?”

I thought of my “How Many Days Until Hadley is in Preschool Countdown Chart.” And my mental spreadsheet detailing what Bode and I will do with six tranquil hours every single week without the Hurricane.

“Yes, I know exactly what you mean.”

Later in the car, I relayed our conversation to Jamie. Dubiously, he looked at me and eloquently assessed the situation:

“Those are not our kind of people, Amber.”

Hear, hear.

:-)

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Hadley, Humor

When Life Isn’t a Beach

May 21, 2007 By

I do not like sand. Some would even go so far to say I have OCD regarding my aversion to the stuff. I hate it anywhere on my body and most of all, I freak out when it is on my feet for even a moment after I leave the beach.

So one would wonder why I once spent an entire summer playing sand volleyball. Or why we’re taking all these recent trips to the ocean. Y’see, I would be in heaven if I was able to stretch out on a nice, rocky beach but sadly, very few people share my illness. And so I suffer for the betterment of those around me.

That said, how is it I had to haul eight tons of it over the weekend and also threw in several thousand pounds of bricks for good measure?

Project Hadley Playset from Hades is well underway and I am pleased to say we are almost halfway done. It has been a beast of a job trying to build a retaining wall and fill in a rather substantial ditch our developers thoughtfully left all the houses on the west side of our street. Eventually, this is where the swingset will go.

Jamie took Friday off and diligently worked most of the weekend. I pitched in a good number of hours but now that Bode is mobile, I can’t turn my back on him for even a moment. I learned that the hard way last week. I let him nap on our bed and when he woke up, he briefly discovered the freedom of flight. It did not end well.

I promised Jamie he would have my undivided help during Bode’s two naptimes (that were not on our bed). I admittedly had a devious plan. Y’see, I nearly had a nervous breakdown last week because Bode was a terrible napper and Hadley didn’t do it at all. So I figured for once, these kids of mine would give me an out and I would have to endure Jamie’s slave labor for maybe an hour each day.

Bu then they both slept. And slept and slept. After my hundredth trip with sand and bricks, I was at my limit but couldn’t back out. I deliriously made up a catchy little jingle in my head, which I sang over and over again to get me through:

“WAKE UP, DARNIT. WAKE UP, DARNIT.”

OK, so maybe “darnit” wasn’t the exact word but my lyrics aren’t exactly along the lines of what Mormon girls would say. Well, at least not the good ones.

But I survived Round 1 and am ready for Round 2 next weekend. But this time I plan to be armed with an even better secret weapon for the children.

You know, like sugar. Lots and lots of sugar.

 

Filed Under: Family, Hadley, Humor, Jamie

Would You Trust These Children?

May 17, 2007 By

Are they:

a) Currently under house arrest for defacing an entire Thomas the Trainset with blue marker.
b) Passport pictures wherein they look like the Taliban.
c) Totally busted for stepping on and/or consuming yard-obsessed Jamie’s plants.
d) All of the above


If you guessed “d” you must have a few delinquents of your own.

Last week, a Farewatcher Alert appeared in my inbox with a crazy-cheap deal for flights to Mexico. Jamie and I had planned to take the kids to Orlando in August but after doing some figuring, determined it would be less expensive to go to a foreign country than to vacation in our own. Go figure.

The 24 hours that followed were frenzied, primarily due to the need for the kids to now have passports for travel to Mexico and Canada. Surprisingly enough, they were champs whilst getting their photos taken. Much better than I, who was reprimanded for not standing still enough and for looking “too chipper.” Forgive me for not perfecting my Taliban glare.

Hadley cannot stop talking about the beach and has been practicing her Spanish, muchos gracias to that bilingual Dora the Explorer. Our conversations are repeatedly interwoven with “hola madre,” “amigos,” and “vaminose, let’s go!” She even shows off with some made-up Spanish words because she knows her north-of-the-border mother doesn’t know what the crap she’s talking about.

In order to afford our getaway we had to relinquish some local trips this summer, including a trek out to Utah for Jamie’s grandpa’s 90th birthday. I am surprised by just how much discord this has caused Jamie’s sweet mother. She can’t figure out why on earth we would we chose a trip to the sun-kissed beaches of Mexico vs. making polite conversation with relatives we’ve never met in the desert?

Duh.

Truth be told, I was sad to miss this trip. I still have many friends in Utah and had planned to trail run walk OK, crawl many of my old haunts. On the other hand, I cannot wait to watch Haddie bodysurf for the first time and witness Bode ingest a quart of sand. Every hour. Call me crazy but it just sounds better than the humiliation of watching Jamie fumble around trying to remember his 243 cousins’ names. Talk about embaracada.

Oh wait. I think that means “knocked up” and not “embarrassing.”

But if I were a true Dora devotee, I would have already known that.

Travel writer travelin’ tip: Jamie came upon this gem when we booked our recent cruise: SkyAuction.com. It is an online eBay-esque site where they auction off travel for CHEAP. We saved several hundred dollars on our cruise and this time around, got an all-inclusive hotel for half the price. My only payment for this little plug is that you take me with you. So I guess that doesn’t mean savings in the end but think of what a delightful addition I will be to your romantic getaway.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Family travel, Hadley, Humor, travel
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