Life before children used to be different in many ways. I don’t miss most of it but the one thing I miss: my glorious, impenetrable bladder.
My friend Dave nicknamed me “The Camel of the Pee World” on a backpacking trip in Yosemite due to my uncanny ability to hold it in…or just sweat it out. Probably a bit of both.
But then I had kids and a full night’s sleep? Those days are over. I now have to get up at least once in the night to go to the bathroom. Pregnancy also made me neurotic about it. “Did I go or just think I went? Maybe I should try again because I don’t want to wake up in an hour.”
Welcome to my neurosis. I did that 10 times per night whilst pregnant.
These days, I really have it down to a urinary science and practically sleepwalk to the bathroom, after which I can usually fall back asleep. Saturday night, I almost made it through the night but was awoken at 4 a.m. by my internal alarm clock. I dragged myself out of bed, went to the bathroom and washed my hands. Only this time I did something a little bit different: I turned on both the hot and cold water, opposed to just the cold like I usually do in the middle of the night.
Livin’ it up at 4 a.m.
I stumbled back to bed and fell asleep, only to be awoken at 6 a.m. by a crash and then Bode. Exhausted, I brought him into bed with me and I opted for another Girl Scout try at the potty before settling back in (again, the neurosis).
It was then that I noticed the floor was wet. Very hot and wet. Half-asleep, I waded through the water only to notice I had left the hot water running and it had filled up the sink, spilling over the counter and all over the floor. I turned it off, threw some towels on the floor and passed out in bed.
A couple of hours later, Hadley and Jamie burst into the bedroom. “What happened last night?” he demanded. “Oh, I left the hot water running for a couple of hours,” I slurred.
“Well, it leaked all the way downstairs into the kitchen’s light fixtures and it came crashing to the floor. There is now a big crack in our ceiling,” Jamie exclaimed.
So that was the big crash.
I raced downstairs and sure enough our kitchen looked like a warzone. I spent the morning cleaning everything up.
On the surface, I am obviously the one to blame for this. I left the water running, causing it to gush everywhere. But really, is it my fault? Six years ago I could go through the night without a bathroom break. I even backpacked all over Yosemite earning myself the coveted “Pee Camel” moniker.
I blame the children for this incident.
Without them, I would still be asleep.
I figure it’s only fair. Someday they will blame me for everything that has gone wrong in their lives, right?
So what do you “blame” your children for?
I'm a Canadian-born mom of two, former Denver Post columnist, family travel writer, editor of MileHighMamas.com and 9News contributor. Expert on all things Utah, Denver, family and travel. Lover of laughter and life. Happily married to a man obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin. 