Our son: Age seven going on 70

We bought both the kids new mountain bikes this summer (well, new-to-us from Craigslist). We’ve done a ton of hiking and adventuring but not much biking these days. One night, we decided to take them out for a spin and Hadley proposed we take the boys to our secret swamp in an Open Space park near our house.

Actually when we got there, she was mad about revealing our secret spot. Though she said “swamp,” she didn’t mean swamp and had intended for us to go on a secret trail and “why aren’t you a mind reader, Mom?”

Girl drama aside, she quickly recovered from our misunderstanding and took us on on an adventure that wound over dirt, rocks and plenty of bumps. It was Bode’s first off-piste trail on his new bike and he was not. Happy. About. It. Over and over again, he shouted out:

“I AM GOING TO REGRET 60 PERCENT OF THIS!”

And my favorite: “CURSE YOU!”

Good thing the other 40 percent of him had a great time.

Ultimate Denver Date Night: Sullivan’s Steakhouse and Cirque du Soleil

Despite an awesome summer, Jamie and I haven’t been on a date night since May so when we were offered tickets to Cirque du Soleil’s Amaluna, we were all-in. Jamie’s sister Lisa generously invited the kiddos for a sleepover, giving us the freedom to do whatever the heck we wanted for however long. So, what did we do?

We ate. And ate. And ate.  We tried out Sullivan’s Steakhouse for the first time in downtown Denver and it won’t be our last. In addition to awesome filet mignon (and a roasted red pepper truffle butter I’m still dreaming about)….

….we inhaled Sullivan’s seasonal chilled seafood sampler for two with cracked lobster claws, huuuge cocktail shrimp, oysters in a half shell, jumbo lunch crabmeat and an avocado habanero salsa.

Oh, and I won’t mention the coconut cream pie with white chocolate shavings or the warm cast iron wild berry crumble we had for dessert. Let’s just say it was a good thing I did boot camp at Red Rocks that morning.

Then, it was off to Cirque du Soleil. I believe this is my fourth Cirque production and if you’ve never been, I’d highly recommend it (this, coming from non-artsy folks).

Amaluna was whimsical, thrilling, artistic and oh-so beautifully set on a  mysterious island governed by Goddesses and guided by the cycles of the moon. The stunts and choreography were enthralling and it was the perfect place to reconnect as a couple.

As were the bathrooms. The unisex stalls were set outside so as I was doing my business, Jamie reached under and grabbed my leg, nearly giving me a heart attack.

I learned the reason why men and women’s bathrooms are usually separate.

Another thing we loved about Cirque was how interactive it was. At one point, one of the performers walked up to Jamie (who was sitting on an aisle seat), cuddled up to him and purred, “Daddy.”

And with a look like that, who could blame him.

My evil plan for my burgeoning chef

I love the LDS Church’s children’s program’s, which are focused on service, developing faith and goal-setting. Between the ages of 8 and 11, children are challenged to complete their Faith in God and when they are 12-17, the young women do Personal Process while the young men to scouting and Duty to God.

Many people marvel how good our youth are. It’s because we keep ‘em so busy they can’t get into trouble.

Hadley has been slowly working on her Faith in God goals. I say slowly because I don’t want to make goal-setting a negative stress and have been letting her choose what new challenges she’d like to take on at her own pace.  Under “Developing Talents,” she decided she wanted to cook us a healthy, gourmet meal. She and Bode frequently help me in the kitchen but this was by far her most ambitious attempt: Grilled coconut-lime chicken skewers with peanut dipping sauce, garlic and truffle oil mushrooms, honey-ginger green beans and made-from-scratch brownies.

She spent several hours with me in the kitchen and, though we were both exhausted, she was delighted with the result and declared she loved cooking.

So do I. Especially when someone else (like an unsuspecting kid) takes over dinner duty from me in a few years. #MyEvilPlan

She set the table in our best china and called us all to dinner. With each bite, she waited with great anticipation for us to pour on the praises, which Jamie and I did. Bode, on the other hand, was reluctant.

“C’mon, Bode. Just try the peanut dipping sauce. It is delicious,” she begged.

And then my personal favorite as her frustration grew, “Do you know how long this took me to make, Bode?”

Couldn’t have said it better myself. In fact, I pretty much do every. Single. Week.

After we finished cleaning up, she looked at me with great appreciation and said, “Wow, Mom. You do a lot of work to prepare our meals every day.”

And it was so nice that she finally acknowledged it.

Getting wired on 9News’ back-to-school fashion segment

I’ve fallen into a routine of appearing on 9News every month, usually around the time my column in the Denver Post is published. Though the experience still has a measure of stress, I’ve filed it under the “this is good for you to get out of your comfort zone so suck it up” file.

What I was not expecting when my kids appeared in last year’s 9News fashion show is how much they would love it. In fact, all year long whenever I filmed a segment, they would get all huffy with me. “Why aren’t we doing it with you?”–like the show couldn’t possibly go on without them.

So when back-to-school rolled around again, I figured I’d get them off my back and do the segment again, though it is a colossal undertaking to work with the clothing stores, figure out the styles and then present it all like I’m some sort of fashion aficionado. One thing I had going for me was my models from last year were all game for Round 2: my kids and two great teens from church, Stephanie and Bennett.

My kids had a blast getting outfitted at The Children’s Place. OK, Hadley has a blast; Bode was appeased when I told him he could pick one of their Angry Birds shirts as a reward.We did a few dry runs prior to The Big Day while I told Stage Dad Jamie to watch Tom Hanks’ eloquent performance in the spoof Toddlers & Tiaras for inspiration.

Our segment went live at 8:40 a.m. and we had to be at the studio by 8:20 a.m. so I told the teens to be at my house by 7:20 a.m. Bennett planned to follow us there in his car while Stephanie asked if her mom could drop her off at 7 a.m. on the way to work.

Unlike last year’s chaos with sick Hadley throwing up in the parking lot, I just knew this would would be different. The day dawned bright, beautiful and early. When 7 a.m. rolled around, I waited for Stephanie. Then 7:05 a.m. No problem. They were running a bit late. By 7:15 a.m. I started to panic. She’s a responsible kid and maybe something had happened. When Bennett rang the doorbell at 7:20 a.m., I was in full panic mode as I texted and called Stephanie. No response. By some stroke of luck, she had left her mom’s cell phone number on her voice mail so I called immediately.

“Where is Stephanie?” I choked out.
“Who is this?” she asked.
“Amber. She’s supposed to be here. We need to leave right now for the fashion show.”
“No, it’s not until Thursday.”
“Nope, it’s today.” Today being Monday.

Then it was her mom’s turn to freak out. “She’s at home sleeping. She thinks it’s Thursday. Don’t worry. WE WILL BE THERE.”

I didn’t know how. Her mom was at work and she’d have to race home, drag her teen out of bed and be at the studio in less than an hour but I didn’t question it.

I white-knuckled the 30-minute drive, at one point telling the kids, “why don’t you sing me a nice song to alleviate my stress?” upon which Hadley belted out, “Make it… Stephanie. You will make it!”

Not exactly the distraction I was hoping for.

We arrived at the studio shortly after 8 a.m. and much to my shock, Stephanie arrived a few minutes later with her mom apologizing profusely. My blood pressure levels started to go back down until, at 8:15 a.m., 9News’ sports reporter Suzie Wargin spotted us and said, “You’re late. We’re going live in five minutes.” And then those stress levels shot up yet again. Late? Late for what and why was she the one doing the interview?

She quickly realized she wasn’t looking for us (whew!) so we hung out in the Pit (newsroom) until it was our turn. Jamie had arrived by that time and we were soon ushered in. Kyle, one of my favorite reporters, was to do the segment with us and I got wired. With a microphone, that is. Believe me, my adrenaline levels were plenty wired on their own.

We hoped to do a quick run-through so the kids could see where they needed to stand when Kyle suddenly learned over to me and whispered, “we’re up next.” Problem was the cameras were suddenly on me and I had no way of telling Stage Dad Jamie we were live and not just practicing. Good thing the kiddos performed like champs, eventually figuring out this was no rehearsal. (See the segment here).

As for me? Good thing I have a year to recover before the next back-to-school fashion segment drama.

A KEEN Review: Our Family’s Favorite Adventure Footwear!

I rarely do reviews on my blog unless I’m a huge fan of the product. So, I had to chuckle when I was contacted by KEEN footwear to try out some shoes from their back-to-school line-up.  Looking at our collection, let’s just say we are a KEEN-loving family and each of us owns at least two pairs.

The “KEEN” Johnson Family

Why? Quality. I shop consignment/thrift stores/clearance for the majority of my kids’ clothing but there are two areas where I absolutely do not skimp on quality: 1) Shoes and 2) Outerwear (jackets, gloves,  hats, etc.) And KEEN absolutely has some of the best, most durable shoes that are perfect for Colorado kids. I don’t mind paying a bit more when I know they will last.

Hadley’s top choice to try out were the Luna Boot, a stylin’ soft suede upper and non-marking rubber sole.

However, KEEN ended up sending her choice No. 2: the Jamison.

Though there were plenty of more feminine color options, I was delighted when she chose the black and true red. The reason? Hand-me-downs for little brother in a couple of years (because believe me, they’ll last).

The Jamisons were waiting for us upon our return to Canada and I’ll admit I forgot about them until the second day of Avid4Adventure’s Survival Camp last week.

“Can I wear them?”

“Wear what?”

“My new shoes!”

Hmmm…KEEN’s athletic shoes at adventure camp? No-brainer. I generally like the kiddos to break their shoes in before putting them to the test in the backcountry but I figured this would be the perfect opportunity. With abrasion resistant and breathable mesh, they’re not only lightweight but the non-marking rubber outsole is durable and can also be worn inside for gym class. They’re easy on and off with a secure fit lace capture system (read: you don’t need to hassle with shoe-tying).

I need not have worried: no breaking in was necessary and they were adventure-ready from the start. She didn’t get any hot spots or blisters.

Hadley’s review after several days of hiking, building fires, shelters and adventuring in her new KEENs? “I love them!”

And believe me, if she didn’t like them, she’d let me know loud and clear.

I worked with JAM Media Collective on this post, and received a pair of Keen Jamisons at no cost for the purposes of performing this review.  All opinions are my own. And Hadley’s. Because she is opinionated.

Oh Canada Part IV: Jumping Into the Abyss

This was my kids’ first extended trip on the water so I wasn’t sure how they’d react to our week of boating Okanagan Lake in British Columbia. I suspected Hadley would love it because she’s a fish but Bode only recently started really swimming after we had to pay for private lessons last year.

Judging from some of his dock jumps, the dude is finally enjoying the water.

He wasn’t the only one to try new things. Because my brother Pat’s new boat is weighed down by fat sacs when we surf, it creates a huuuge rooster tail at the back of the boat. One of their favorite activities is jumping into it. Water Adverse Amber of yesteryear would’ve said NO FREAKING WAY but Water Loving Amber gave it a try. It’s a scary sensation when you first get sucked under, almost like you’re in a swirling toilet. But then it shoots you waaay back like a cannon and you pop out behind the wake. We went one right after the other so there was minimal distance for my brother to come retrieve us after.


This picture of Hadley launching into the rooster tail for the first time is my favorite picture I took on the entire trip.

Taking flight

Not only does it represent boldly trying new things but if you look closely you can see a line of heads bobbing up in the background, representing our supportive family who had gone before.

Speaking of trying new things, both kiddos enjoyed kneeboarding.

But no one was more accomplished than dear ol’ Dad. Not only is it tough getting up from your stomach but his kneeboard somehow got turned sideways during his run so he was fighting the current the entire time. The dude is strong!

I tried to convince Hadley to wakeboard but she had no interest. We called Jamie and he tried to up the ante: “Tell her I’ll buy something special for her when she gets home.” I relayed the message, to which she responded, “Unless it’s a pony, I’m not doing it.” And. She. Meant. It. Welcome to our world of having the most unbribable kid out there (and a glimpse at why potty training her was such a nightmare).

My niece Emily just graduated from high school and Ashton is a mama of two in her 20s. I never thought my kiddos would be the same age as hers but that’s how it worked out.

Mom with gorgeous deck views

Our daily schedule (if you want to call it that) was the same. Each morning, I’d get up early and go kayaking while Pat and Co. went for a morning wakeboard while all the kids slept. Around 10:30 a.m., we’d have Jane’s huge ‘n delicious breakfast and then everyone would load up on the boat for several hours. We’d head in mid-afternoon, grab some snacks, play on our beach and off the dock and then have a huge dinner. In the evening, we’d sometimes head back out or have a great time playing on the lawn of our cabin. Soccer got pretty heated as Ashton’s husband Fred and I battled out the glory days while pretending to teach our kids how to play. :)

But nothing was more fun than disco soccer by strobe light.

Hands down, my favorite day was when my brother took us all to the more cossetted west side of Okanagan Lake. Not only were the houses bigger but the water was warmer. Pat cut the engine and we played all afternoon–from diving contests (Ashton beat Pat, a huge upset; or rather, he was hugely upset) to splashing around to races around the boat.

Hangin’ on the boat

Soarin’

I came away thoroughly converted. Maybe I am a water person after all.

Here’s for Vernon, British Columbia 2014!

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Oh Canada Part I: My Home and Native Land

Oh Canada Part II: Home on the Range (errr, boat)

Oh Canada Part III: How Not to Die When Surfing Behind the Boat

Oh Canada Part IV: Jumping Into the Abyss

Oh Canada Part III: How Not to Die While Surfing Behind the Boat

Surfing machine Emily

I already established in my last post that I’m not a water lover. But guess what? I really really enjoyed our five day adventures on Okanagan Lake, B.C., so much so that I may consider myself a quasi-water lover (baby steps, people).

My history with water-skiing hasn’t been pretty. Growing up, my family never went boating enough for me to actually improve so I’d usually look like a decrepit 100-year-old as I got dragged around the lake (when I was lucky enough to get up, that is). I tried wake-boarding years ago and found that a lot easier but I had pretty much discounted water sports from my repertoire.

Until I saw my brother Pat surf.

Though I don’t fear the water, the thought of real surfing terrifies me and I want to take surfing lessons to get over my fear of getting trampled by the waves. But when I saw Pat surf behind the boat, I was enthralled. It was like poetry in motion as he smoothly cut in and out of the wake, rocking out to the tunes blasting on the boat (I learned your playlist whilst surfing is almost as important as the board you’re using).

Turns out, surfing isn’t as easy as just throwing a rope behind the boat. In order to create a big wake, a proper ballast is required to make the boat sit lower in the water on the side you will be surfing on. My brother’s new Mastercraft has “fat sacs” to weigh it down even more.

And yes, you can insert fat jokes here.

Hadley and Bode both fell in love with surfing.

Hanging loose with Aunt Jane

“You can do it, Amber,” my sister-in-law Jane encouraged me. “It’s a lot easier than water-skiing or wake-boarding.”

I didn’t believe her but because I wanted to set an example for the kids in trying new things that scare us, I decided to try. I made the goal to get up by week’s end.

Coach Jane joined me in the water. The process:

1) Float around like an idiot trying to get your feet in the right place on top of the board while swallowing a gallon of water. Since it’s a surfboard, there are no foot holds so positioning is key.

2) Call out to your brother who is driving the boat to give you a little drag. That is in reference to slowly starting to move  the boat forward, not to smoking. Though both can kill.

3) Holding the rope between open knees, flip the board toward you by pushing down with your heels so that the edge of the board further from the boat is under water and the edge closet to the boat is up slightly in the air. Ingest more water.

4) Pull back on the rope to make sure it can support you (at least in your dreams), then lean waaay forward so your hands are between your feet. And yes, this looks as awkward as it sounds.

5) Yell “hit it” and fighting, fighting, fighting against the water, point your board toward the boat’s prop and begin turning toward the wake by putting more weigh on the edge of the board.

6) Freak out because, my GOSH, you got up on the first try! And then you react as any surfing professional would do: you jump off.

“You got up!” Jane yelled. “Why did you do that?”

“Because I didn’t know what to do next!”  I’d been so focused on watching how everyone got up, I hadn’t paid attention to how they actually surfed.

Second try, I popped back up and once I was stabilized, I slowly started pulling myself closer until I reached the sweet spot right before the boat. I was surfing!! And it was glorious!! The learning curve was huge and each time, I’d get better at shifting my weight to surf the wave.

Next summer’s goal: drop the rope and surf without its support.

Because after getting up the first try, I believe in miracles.

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Oh Canada Part I: My Home and Native Land

Oh Canada Part II: Home on the Range (errr, boat)

Oh Canada Part III: How Not to Die When Surfing Behind the Boat

Oh Canada Part IV: Jumping Into the Abyss

 

Denver Day Trips, Back-to-School and More

Has it really been a week since I last posted? My sister-in-law Jane was going me to send me some photos of our B.C. lake adventures but I’m sure she’s busy so it hasn’t happened yet.  Hence the delay on my part. Oh, and because I’ve been too busy playing lately.

In the interim, we’re cramming in lots of goodness these final weeks of summer. And here’s a news item for you: I have very rarely complained about the heat. Of course, I was in Canada for much of July but that still leaves of couple of months of whining/misery.  Denver’s temperatures have stayed in the low-90s with the exception of a few horrendous days and I’ve realized I have learned to survive so long as the temperatures do not get above 94 degrees, after which all bets are off. You will note I said survive, not thrive.  And I am, indeed, counting down the days ’till fall and ski season.

So, we’ve been busy. The kids have less than two weeks ’til school starts and we’re cramming it all in. Yesterday, they did a fashion show on 9News, which I’ll write about later (never a dull moment, I tell ya). For my Denver Post column this month, I detailed Hadley’s lovely debut last year on the news and the (literal) mark she left on show business (think: puke).

Read it here:
Back-to-school clothes savings, the hard way  and also,

Colorado moms save on back-to-school.

In other non-school-related-news, I wrote about the best Day Trip from Denver–Peaks and Pies in Colorado’s Backcountry for Travel Mamas!

Oh Canada Part II: Home on the Range (errrr, Lake)

I am not a water person.

My issue is not with being near or even on the water but the whole getting in part. There’s not really fear involved; my mom divulged I just never really liked getting my face wet and two subsequent nose surgeries haven’t helped my disdain for being dunked.

My old brother Pat, on the other hand, is a water/wakeboarding/kiteboarding/surfing fiend.  Every spare moment they have during Calgary’s short warm season, they are in his new state-of-the-art boat. Their favorite vacations are to Cuba and spending 1-2 weeks on the lake in British Columbia.

They’ve invited us to B.C. for years but this is the first time we have gone and had such a spectacular time I’m committed to making it happen as often as we can. If you’re not familiar with Canada’s landscape, Alberta is notorious for our gorgeous Canadian Rockies but we’re rather lacking in warm-water lakes. Enter: British Columbia. Not only do they have some gorgeous peaks (the 6-hour drive from Calgary to Vernon via Banff National Park was mind-blowing) but some of the most beautiful lakes set in the lushest of settings: the Okanogan Valley.

My memories of this area as a child were of verdant orchards and vineyards as far as the eye could see and fruit stands at every corner. And so my one requirement during our visit: we had to stop at a fruit stand. My dad delivered by pulling over at The Mother of All Fruit Lands: The Log Barn outside of Vernon. This 1912 barn not only provided a nostalgic experience with culinary traditions of Mennonite pioneers and a huge array of old-fashioned sausage, baked goodies, jams, syrups and jellies and fresh fruit but it had Dave’s Goat Walk.

Log Barn

Yes, that’s right, folks. We could buy goat feed for 25 cents and pour the corn in a cup that was attached to a pulley system that rose to the top of an archway that extended across the road. When the food reached the top, the goats could see and hear what they were doing so would race up the arch to grab their food.

It it wasn’t raining, we could have stayed there for hours.

But we dragged ourselves away and we’re so glad we did because this was our home for the next five days.

Mana Manor

Okanogan lake

Nightly s’mores roasting and campfire chats

Okanagan lake Lake is a large, deep 84-mile-long lake in the Okanagan Valley of British Columbia. My kids aren’t accustomed to lake life so I anticipated they’d get bored after a few days. Never happened. In fact, they didn’t wear shoes all week and settled rather nicely into our private little beach area.

Daily fishing expeditions off the dock.

Fun on the boat watching Pat surf

Meet the Parents

Bode’s real birthday: an ice cream birthday cake

I’m having picture formatting issues to stay tuned for Part III!

Oh Canada: Part I of My Home and Native Land

How do you summarize a multi-week, 3,000-mile trip that covered two countries and six states (Colorado, Montana, Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Utah)? You really can’t so I’ll only attempt to share some highlights over the next few days!

First things first: my kids are fabulous travelers. Never once did they complain about the 50 hours they spent in the car and though it was taxing (particularly the 12.5-hour drive from Vernon, B.C., to Boise) the trip was broken down enough that we had plenty of downtime before we had to hit the road again.

Jamie drove with us from Denver to Billings, MT to Calgary and stayed for a week before flying back. Something about work. And paying our mortgage. And (mostly) pumpkins.  But we crammed in some fabulous fun while we stayed in my childhood home.

The Flood

One of my favorite things about returning home to Calgary is navigating the extensive network of bike trails along the city’s waterways. However, the flood damage was significant in these areas.

Surveying the floods on the ridge where my brother lives

But I soon learned things like a little broken trail that had literally fallen into the river weren’t enough to stop my dad.

Broken Fish Creek Park trail

This was after we snuck around the DO NOT ENTER TRAIL CLOSED SIGN. Dude is a rebel.

The Mud

One of our favorite activities from last year was playing in Fish Creek and then discovering some hidden mud pits towering above in the cliffs. Unfortunately, the water levels were too high so we headed straight to the muck with our cousins.

Fish Creek Provincial Park Mud Pits

I’ll spare you the details of how we cleaned them off afterward without being able to dunk in the water. Let’s just say we got creative.

The Bulk Barn

I’m convinced of two things: 1) You are an optimist if you buy a convertible in Canada (but we sure had fun cruising around in the perfectly mild weather) and….

Bulk Barn

2) Bulk Barn, Canada’s largest bulk food store that carries over 4000 products, is the most marvelous store on earth.

The Stampede

Despite being there during the Calgary Stampede, we didn’t go and Hadley wasn’t feeling well when we planned to attend one of their infamous pancake breakfasts. The only Stampede-related event I did was volunteering for the second year with my friend Stacey at the rotary club’s popular Stampede Roundup. After we had a blast serving dinner, we joined her brother and wife for the Cheap Trick and Def Leppard concert, which consisted of a bunch of drunk 40-somethings reliving their youth.

Turned out, I hated those bands when I was a teenager. Time did not endear them to me so we left early. #KillJoy.

The Pampering

A visit to Grandma B. also means some quality pampering that included getting pedicures and a day at cousin Ashton’s salon with Hadley’s first-ever streak in her hair.

The Real Highlight

I thought that was the highlight of her life until my childhood bestie Rachel (an accomplished horse trainer) invited Hadley out to ride at her 50+-horse property.

Do you know all the cool things I’ve done with Hadley over the years? All rendered insignificant after one afternoon with Rachel.

 The Birthdays

Mom and Bode celebrated birthdays during our trip. My sister-in-law Jane traditionally invites us over to her house for some quality trampoline jumping and beef tenderloin. Something about my family: we’re serious about our tenderloin and so when I saw my 17-year-old niece Emily had invited a friend over, I very firmly informed her that she was a vegetarian so as not to share the highly-coveted 4.5-kg hunk of beef.

“Do you see these people, Jamie? Do not look at them as family. Look at them as competition.”Turns out Em and her friend ate the very best, rarest pieces. Game ON for next year.

On my mom’s real birthday, we went to a tasty Italian restaurant with the whole family.

Still as beautiful as ever!

The Market

One of my must-do items is taking a scenic drive to the Millarville Farmer’s Market, a quaint rural community south of Calgary. For me, it showcases the best of Canada with fabulous views and fun booths with delicious locally-made Canadian delicacies, home and garden wares, custom clothing, jewelry and so much more.

Our lunch of champions: more samples than I can count, the most unbelievable peas grown by the Hutterites and three different kinds of fudge (root beer was my favorite).

The Golf Cart

My childhood home is on a golf course and my kids looooooove going for rides in the golf cart. This year, Grandpa let the kids drive it, which I thought was endearing until they took me down to the gully and started swerving along the hills, doing crazy turns and nearly dumping us out.

Riding to church in the golf cart

The kids learned very quickly Grandpa is waaaaaay more fun (and tolerant) than Mom.

The Father’s Departure

After a fun-filled week, Jamie went home. The kids and I were more than a little bit sad he would not be joining us for the next leg of our adventure: a lakeside cabin in Vernon, B.C.

P.S. Don’t tell him how much it sucked to be him to miss it. Stay tuned for details.

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Oh Canada Part I: My Home and Native Land

Oh Canada Part II: Home on the Range (errr, boat)

Oh Canada Part III: How Not to Die When Surfing Behind the Boat

Oh Canada Part IV: Jumping Into the Abyss