Welp, the polls are in and the winners of the First Annual Christmas Card/Newsletter Contest have been tabulated. Didn’t know you were entered? C’mon, we all know we scrutinize each other’s cards, especially those with pictures. I thought it was only women who were critical i.e. “Hmmmm, has she finally gotten fatter this year?” I was encouraged when Jamie received a card from his best friend and made a comment about how thick his hair used to be. I then made the conclusion that as we age, men look at hairline; women look at waistline.
Anyhew, we received muchos entries from friends and family, making those 2005 updates downright entertaining.
Third Place: Dave, Val & Family. This made the list primarily because even though they’re very sweet, this family of six is not known for their stand-up comedy routine. But I had a great laugh when they mentioned baby Nathan and how “he is making a strong case to remain the youngest in the family.” Allow me to translate this in Hurricane terms: he is a HELL child. Hadley has been making this case since she was BORN. We’re just too numb (or delirious?) to give in. Good thing she’s so cute.
Second Place: Heidi, Chris & Family. This was a last-minute entry from an editorial match made in Seinfeld heaven (they both have their Master’s in English). “My LASIK eye surgery in February has resulted in X-ray vision, which upsets the neighbors and generally makes people fidgety around me. As my waistline grows, I tell myself that my metabolism has slowed. However, after contemplating it for a while, it suspect it’s all those candy bars I eat.”
First Place: Uncle Lawrence. As the only colorful member of my dad’s quiet family, Uncle Lawrence = Politically Incorrect.
“For months, we engineers had looked forward to burning the head frame at the Discovery Mine site. Shortly after midnight late in May, the fire was lit, and what a fire it was! But as the fire was burning down, the garage close by caught fire, and it was an inferno! So hot that the house across the street caught fire…then the post office and by morning another house. Not bad for a night’s work, but four buildings burned by accident? The engineering term for this is “S___ Happens.”
He then went on to remark that the scene resembled Kosovo and all that was missing was the rape and pillage, when the person next to him commented, “There are no women at the site!”
So, hats off to ever-entertaining Uncle Lawrence. After all, it’s not every holiday newsletter that talks about S___, rape and pillage…..
I'm a Canadian-born mom of two, former Denver Post columnist, family travel writer, editor of MileHighMamas.com and 9News contributor. Expert on all things Utah, Denver, family and travel. Lover of laughter and life. Happily married to a man obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin. 