Why I Am in Mourning that my Parents are Leaving
- Never before has the dishwasher magically unloaded itself (natch: Hunky Hubby never does it).
- I will now be outnumbered (2:1) during the day.
- I will no longer be able to send my early-bird Hadley to wake up Grandpa while I go back to bed.
- We can no longer be “accidentally” devoid of cash when we invite other folks out on the town.
- I will have to go back to my 30-second showers. For those without screaming kids or toddlers who dismantle the house the moment you become indisposed: 30 seconds is barely enough time to even lather.
- Whatever happens here, stays here. I mean, where else can you be this politically incorrect? Case in point:
Me: “How’s your cousin these days?”
Mom: “Pretty good. He’s been building and selling houses. To The Gays.”
Me: “Err…’The Gays’. Gee, Mom. I didn’t know there was a market for them.”
Mom: “Yes, their people buy houses too, I guess.”
- And most importantly, I will no longer be learning something new and enlightening every day….