I’ve heard of the Terrible 2s and from some disillusioned parents, the Terrific 2s, but I’ve never heard of the Schizophrenic/Bi-Polar 2s. The latter is the stage Haddie entered over Memorial Day weekend.
It started whilst visiting our friends, Brent and Crystal and their 9-month-old son, Andrew. Not only does Hadley usually love babies but she generally won’t leave them alone. Not this time. As cute as he was, Andrew had this weird method of crawling–more like a scoot–and he looked more primate than human. And Hadley was petrified of poor Andrew. She spent the whole time dive-bombing into Jamie’s arms, as if to say “Get that freak away from me!”
This alone would have made for an interesting evening. But any time spent with Brent and Crystal is always entertaining, primarily because Brent is the goofiest and cheesiest guy you’ll ever meet. “Gee whiz or golly gee whillikers” are staples in his vocabulary. Juxtapose this against his graphic exposes of his hospital work and you’ve got quite the evening.
When we were driving to their place, I pondered what stories we’d hear. “I’ll bet you $10 if we mention my bout with hemorrhoids a few weeks ago that he’ll have an unbelievably gross story about it.” And Brent didn’t disappoint. We learned all about one of his spinal patients who has had some issues with his bowels. We learned all about the unfortunate process of stimulating the bowels to go to the bathroom, which is called “digging” (pronounced with a soft ‘G’ the next time you use this in conversation.) And we learned about this man’s worst case of hemorrhoids EVER that were literally his entire intestine hanging out all over his rear. Grossed out? Well, you got one second of it. Imagine 10 minutes. That Brent never disappoints.
Whew, but back to our bi-polar 2s. The next day at church? Same thing: The Hurricane was scared of the baby sitting behind us. Nice timing, too, given Junior’s entrance into the world in the next weeks.
And Memorial Day? We went hiking up in the mountains, one of her favorite activities. Usually. This time, there was a drop-down, drag-out tantrum in the middle of the trail because she wanted Jamie to carry her. Fellow hikers curiously passed us, probably pondering whether or not to report us to child services. And I’d weakly offer, “You’d never know she turned 2 this week, eh?”
Jamie finally threw in the towel and said he’d had enough. We had our little picnic lunch with Bi-Polar Hadley still raging about the injustices of having to eat chicken and cheese. Until I threatened her she wouldn’t get any cookies until after she ate her lunch. And then something triggered that little bi-polar babe. Before we knew it, she was stuffing her food in her face, barely able to chew and swallow it all. With chicken hanging out of her mouth, she hopefully asked, “Cookie?” And I obliged.
After that, she was a new kid! She skipped down the trail, rock climbed craggy cliffs with Jamie and entertained everyone who passed us. Jamie and I just shook our heads. Her chemical imbalance just didn’t make sense. Until we introduced the great neutralizers: sugar + bribery. Forget what the experts say; we’ve found our new strategy for surviving the Bi-Polar 2s….
I'm a Canadian-born mom of two, former Denver Post columnist, family travel writer, editor of MileHighMamas.com and 9News contributor. Expert on all things Utah, Denver, family and travel. Lover of laughter and life. Happily married to a man obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin. 