A song on the radio about skating on a river by 2-year-old Haddie’s favorite artist, Barry Manilow, brought back great memories of Christmas in the Motherland. Truth be told, I’m always homesick when I can’t go home to Calgary because it truly is a winter wonderland with the Christmas Nazis, a.k.a. my family. Never have I seen more presents or hoopla.
Case in point: The first year I even dared to suggest that we draw names instead of buying for everyone (due to our newlywed budget) I was nearly burned at the stake, with brother Jeek screaming, “I got a stinkin’ part-time job JUST so I can pay for Christmas.” Now you can see what I’m up against.
Anyhew, my Canuckian Christmas Top 10 List
10. The Left-Right Game on Christmas Eve. A time when it is confirmed we would never win any I.Q. contests as we struggle to tell the difference between our left and right hand.
9. Tobogganing and giving ourselves icy enemas as we shoot down the steep gully near our house. Followed by hot chocolate in front of a REAL wood-burning fireplace.
8. The year my brother Patrick and I snuck out to open our Grease 8-track and played it 100X before anyone even got out of bed. Oh, and the nifty shag carpet and lime-green wallpaper in all our pictures.
7. Cross-country skiing in sub-zero temperatures on the golf course across the street. Nothing like snorting frozen nose hairs for the holidays.
6. Playing the bells on Christmas Eve. A confirmation that not only are we not musically inclined but we somehow seem to get worse every year.
5. Conservative and shy Dad performing the Polish 12 Days of Christmas. Hilarious even if you’re not numbered among the chosen Pollocks of this world.
4. Ice skating for miles along the “Bow Liver” (as mispronounced by Dad’s good Chinese friend).
3. Spending THE ONLY two Christmases with your honey in Canada praying to the porcelain gods as you vehemently puke up Mom’s cooking that you had craved all year. Thanks, Norwalk Virus.
2. Playing the piano for Dad as we sing carols and belt out all 18 verses of Good King Wenceslas. It’s as if tone-deaf meets off-key for the first time, and what a delightful duet it is. I still can’t figure out why no one else wants to join in.
1. Christmas Eve’s gift exchange game. A brutal competition as we all fight over the coolest farting book of the year. If you think that’s bad, I won’t even get to the lowest of lows when “Bum Darts” somehow made it into the schedule of events one year….
I'm a Canadian-born mom of two, former Denver Post columnist, family travel writer, editor of MileHighMamas.com and 9News contributor. Expert on all things Utah, Denver, family and travel. Lover of laughter and life. Happily married to a man obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin. 