An Open Letter from Fat Kitty Voicing His Displeasure About Getting Booted During Our House’s Multiple Showings
One day I was snuggling up to my human friends. It was snowy and cold when Human Mother told Human Sister to take me across the street to Grandma Jean’s house.
I don’t like field trips. The only time I like to leave is when I sneak away and I never go far.
The Human Family left me with this stranger with only my blanket and food.
Grandma Jean has two cats. They cornered and sniffed me.
I do not like to be sniffed. Warning: Do not go anywhere near my butt.
I hid under Grandma Jean’s bed for the entire two hours.
When Human Mother and Father came to get me, I would not move for The Betrayers. Betrayer #1 took the broom and poked me until I came out.
That was Day From Hell #1.
The next Day From Hell was even worse because hell was moving.
I think it was called a car and I was in it.
The humans took me to their friend’s fancy house to lock me in their laundry room while they were out of town.
They had a key and the security code but not the instructions how to do it.
The security alarm sounded.
I freaked out and kindly requested to go back to Grandma Jean’s with the butt-sniffing cats.
The cops came.
Human Father held up his arms in the air, holding the key as evidence they were not burglars
The police did not understand my distress signal I sent revealing they are, in actuality, cat burglars.
We drove home and I went to another neighbor’s where I’ve spent lots of time the last few weeks.
I sit on the stairs glaring at the door until my humans come get me.
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, SELL YOUR HOUSE AND STOP REHOMING YOUR CAT.
The End.
Love,
Fat Kitty
I'm a Canadian-born mom of two, former Denver Post columnist, family travel writer, editor of MileHighMamas.com and 9News contributor. Expert on all things Utah, Denver, family and travel. Lover of laughter and life. Happily married to a man obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin. 